Mumsnet is toxic

[Teapot1990]

Is it just me who feels like mumsnet is full of people trying to shame others and show off about themselves? I rarely feel good about the things I read on here and think it's almost as bad as social media.

Is that still there? Used to love a good flounce!

AIBU can be awful. On the occasions I’ve posted on there, I get that blood running cold feeling when a post notification appears with an update !
The misquoting and misunderstanding is scary.

It is!

I do think it contains more nastiness than it used to. Yes, there are supportive threads, but there are so many that are just mean, and there's more racism and ableism and other isms, as well.

Posters have suggested it's the Twitter effect. I don't do twitter, but I imagine it can get pretty toxic there, and it spills over into MN.

I have flounced and come back. Seriously considering flouncing again.

Agree with this. There are so many posters who seem so desperate to fit in / be in what they perceive to be a cool gang.

I’m the world’s least cool person and was/am never in the cool gang, but when you get to my age you seriously don’t give a fuck about it - though I did give huge fucks when I was younger so perhaps I would have been insecure enough to write the shitty vitriol too?

so I agree, OP - it’s a pile of toxic shit but with a few hidden gems that almost offset the nastiness.

think it's almost as bad as social media

It is social media.

The anonymity gives people a false sense of their own self importance.
Sometimes they'll type out utterly awful replies and then double down when called on it and then they'll keep on backing it up because they can't bare to step back as they feel like they have to 'win'.. it's quite pathetic and I can imagine people typing with clenched fists and gritted teeth.

Yes especially those who feel the need to correct the spelling/punctuation of posters who are in obvious distress and reaching out for support 😡

So true, I was actually thinking yesterday it would be nice if a thread came up for people's opinions on Mumsnet so thank you OP. I'm new on here, was on here years ago but recently just back on and have seen already how toxic Mumsnet can be. I'd thought it was a site to allow mums to voice opinions, seek advice and raise any concerns, not to be judged and I have encountered on a couple of occasions already when I give an opinion I get dissed for it. Its my views on the question an OP has written so I should be allowed to voice my opinion without being judged. I've also seen an OP putting up a thread and being torn apart or comments people have made. Social Media seems to be heading that way sadly, I'm on TikTok etc and so much bullying on it it's actually scary. So many keyboard warriors hiding behind a screen, I just write how I am in real life rather than being someone I'm not!

That is really shitty.

That said I've been on here (on and off) for years and have mostly found it to be supportive, funny and a good spirit level for finding out if you're being a dick or not.

AIBU is not the natural place to come to for gentle answers. MN has a huge fucking variety* *of boards for just about every topic. Most are supportive, welcoming, and funny.

Yeah I agree OP. I never understand the need for the 'pile on's' that are so common on here. It's quite depressing tbh. Could be such a lovely, supportive place but most of the time it's just not. It's a shame.

You're definitely not being unreasonable @Teapot1990 ... I know I can give some pretty sharp and snitty responses, and say exactly what I think, and I don't really care what people think, but I won't be nasty to anybody who's genuinely vulnerable and scared about something and really upset.

Apart from Mumsnet, I've been on message forums since around 2001... iVillage and the Channel 4 forums and the Loose Women forums and the Yahoo forums. Also spent time on Digital Spy and MSE and a couple of forums dedicated to my favourite film star. And there have been some prize cunts on all of these. Really vile and nasty people who would attack and berate for NOTHING. Over the last 22 to 23 years I've come across some foul people.

I've had people make me feel like absolute shit and bring me to tears with the nasty responses. (some 15 or more years ago and beyond.) Now, I'm extremely hard and tough and have a massive outer shell, and am not affected by anything whatsoever that anyone says about me or to me.

I would never start a thread on here about anything that was bothering me in real life or anybody who upset me in real life - because I know for a fact there's a chance it will end up on Reddit or on that Twitter page (Mumsnet Madness) OR in the Daily Mail or The Sun or Metro or something. There's no way I'd put it on here. I just trawl through threads to try and get information and help, and advice on any issue I might have.

This is not the place for the fragile or vulnerable or easily upset or highly emotional people. As I said, I am really tough now and hardened to this kind of forum. Scarred after 22 to 23 years of message forums - and now I just laugh at people who try and bring me down, because it's just not gonna happen.

Any large group of people who interact anonymously will have a tendency to go this way. It's similar to how impatient people are on the road - they'd never be as bad if standing in a queue in the supermarket or at work.

It's AIBU. There is no bloody obfuscation on what it is or has been for many years!

It's not known as the nest of vipers for nothing.

Haha IABU is the vipers nest.
Other boards are really useful and helpful & loads good ideas

And me too

The many strong women who helped me flee abuse

Talked sense into me when I faced the fcker in court

I owe a lot to MN

Agree. I lurk & read. Only when I genuinely think I can help do I comment. I name change as i like to to anonymous. Helped me loads too tho

Thursday and Friday nights are worse due to drinking.

AIBU is a lot less caustic than it used to be. I preferred it years ago when people discussed real problems - some of the posts now are nonsense - e.g. - what is this mark on my leg? Answer - no one gives a shit.

now it’s full of people reluctant to give real opinions in case they get flamed.

Steer clear from AIBU and it can be really nice. I don't know why I keep coming back here. It always turns out the same- someone jumps at you. I like Style&Beauty, Chat and Cost of Living, but I'm sure you can find something for yourself here.

I had terrific support when my DP died suddenly and a beautiful blanket from the "woolly huggers" too. Mine is on my bed, and it cheers me several times a day.

I've seen fantastic support on here for people with money, legal, and health problems, it's a different place away from AIBU.

Well you've made me brave enough to admit I get snipey and let rip on occasion too. I do feel bad about it if I've overstepped. But I know in reality I spend far too much time worrying about others reactions to what I might say to offer anything that would actually be useful or effective advice.

I think here in the UK we're still terribly polite and fear causing uproar, and so end up being namby pamby and soft rather than just calling a spade a spade. Its a difficult balance being being a bitch and a creating snowflakes. I'm not very good at getting the balance right with either my online or 'real' self.

Sometimes I come on here and every thread is being critical or spiteful to other people. Those days I go elsewhere and come back another day. Other days it’s OK.

I wonder if people vent all of their anger and pain on here then go off and be normal elsewhere as they have got it out of their system?

Oh my what have we done now that we haven't been doing the past few years, at least, or since the last 50 threads on this same topic?

There are about 3 or 4 posters on here who are strangely possessed with the concept of a SAHM to the point they come across as quite disturbed / unwell. As soon as there is a thread with even a whiff of 'SAHM' in the title, you can 100% guarantee they will be on it. It's sad reading because they are obviously unusually bitter and insecure women but my god, they go on and on and on. To be fair, a couple of them are clearly not the sharpest tools in the box but they will drive everyone off a thread until they just end up having the same pathetic and demented rant about SAHMs among each other! The only thing that shuts them up is when the thread reaches 1000 posts, but they don't realise everyone stopped engaging with them on about post 200 because nobody can reason with crazy.