Aibu to be pissed off about neighbours complaining their kids behind in school but let them run around outside until bedtime?

[Bookwanderer]

My neighbours have been bitching about the school & that their kids school reports haven't been great.. However the second the kids are home from school their out playing until around 9pm even in the winter.. Most days they have friends home with them too.. They can't really blame the school can they?!!

I agree that parents are a child’s most important educators- children learn al sorts of valuable things at home compared to school. For example

-Reading/writing and drawing at home supports literacy.

-Free play outdoors supports creativity, problem solving, development of confidence and resilience.

-Spending time with other children supports the development of social skills

However, it is not parents who deliver the school curriculum, they can only reinforce what has been delivered by the teachers.

If this parent has had issues with the school, it will likely be because certain specific needs of her children are not being met.

To conclude that this is because her children play outside is a huge leap.

She is not parenting wrong, just differently to you.

Children. Outside. Playing. With friends.

What is the world coming to?

@DragonDoor i agree to an extent my dc play out with their kids most evenings they are good friends & the kids are lovely.. I'm taken aback at them calling the school useless & refusing point blank to take responsibility for their dc's development. They keep repeating "it's the schools job" .

It's coming to their parents becoming up in arms because their kids are in the bottom sets. Blaming the "useless" school but taking no responsibility themselves to help bridge the gap as that's the "schools job".
Easier to blame the "useless school" than actually parent their own children.

@Bookwanderer

I don't see how the two are linked except for your sneering judgements.

If the kids are lovely as you say, then its a testament that the parents are indeed supporting their development.

Delivering the curriculum is the schools job though. That is why children go to school. Teachers are trained to teach children in a more formal environment.

It’s clear these parents have had different experiences with the school compared to your family. It certainly sounds like there have been some ideological differences about the topic of homework.

They may have chosen not to do additional set work with their children because they don’t feel it’s an appropriate learning activity, or because the relationship with the teacher has broken down. Who knows.

They certainly would be best talking to the teacher directly rather than having a moan, but people are only human.

Leave them to it

You do realise that some parents can't help their kids cos they didn't get a good education themselves, right? Also, that their kids might not be academic?

I think it's great the kids are outside playing, that's how I grew up as a member of Gen X and it was a brilliant childhood if riskier than today's childhood...

I do agree, kids need structure and to do homework. I used to do mine during breaks and at lunchtime so I was free to go out after school. How do you know theyre not doing that?

If you can help your neighbour create more structure so their kids improve, then help them. If not, stop moaning about them, it's not good for your own wellbeing x

Why does encouraging outdoor play make someone an ‘asshole parent’

would it be better if they were in front of a screen?

I am anti-homework, thinking that if children have worked hard at school for six hours, the 5/6 hours they get at home should be for them to enjoy sports, games, reading, screen time, playing out etc. I don't agree with regimented parenting where every night is an activity of some sort. I love to see children playing out, even if it's outside my house! There are few things better than the sound of children laughing and enjoying themselves.

The educational system doesn't suit everybody - in fact quite a lot of pupils struggle. Whilst I can sense your frustration you're assuming that spending money on a home tutor instead of a holiday to Orlando will be of a hige benefit. I'm not saying it wouldn't up their scores slightly in a spelling test or SATs but the parents are choosing to prioritise differently.
My granddaughter is 12 and she has an older brother so perhaps stays up a little later than her peers. Last month her and her friend (1 year older) went into town and her friend had a melt down at the bus stop because.....there was a Polish guy there! She rang her mum to come and pick them up because he looked at her. Same granddaughter got separated at the beach 2 years ago. She went to the ice-cream man and asked him to ring her dad. She figured if he was a preditor he wouldn't be able to grab her and pretend he was her parent! She memorised dad's number. These are the sort of life skills I focused on with my children.
Maybe their neighbours children are learning different skills to yours. Of course they could be lazy parents. Invite the kids round for a game of scrabble one evening.

enjoy sports, games, reading, screen time, playing out etc.!

@Murdoch1949 I doubt you are complaining about your child's school.

Accepting / expecting that parents will teach part time at home and /or arrange additional tutoring breeds inequality, and lazy teachers.

If 6.5 hours of education per day isn’t enough for a primary school child to make progress then the school is the problem.

@JudgeRudy how did she know the guy was Polish?

Xenophobia is an prejudice a child learns from the adults around them.

So you never did homework at secondary school?

Wish my kids ran around till bedtime instead of screens!

It’s not that simple. Agree they shouldn’t have to work at home, particularly primary. Many reasons why a school day may not be be enough. SEN, unsuitable school environment, parents, mental health conditions, physical health, family illness, problems at home. And yes, sometimes a bad teacher. But often it’s all the other stuff.

Exactly. No idea what nationality he was. My GD said he wasn't doing anything but had been talking on the phone, then he glanced their way at the bus stop. Nothing else...friend had a panic attack

OK so perhaps the yr7/yr8 should be doing a bit more. But honestly late primary are the golden years of childhood, if the school is close by they may not need to be up till 7:30-8. 10-11 hours sleep is plenty for KS2 child. The other thing is if they are struggling school work maybe difficult and unenjoble for them, it would be cruel to enforce more between 3 and 9pm.

Where do you live that there are more than 30 children in a class of that age?!

Not only that, we get our tutor to do our daughters homework with her.

Not because I don’t want to do it.

Not because I can’t do it.

Simply because homework was turning into a HUGE fight every week. It was having a negative impact on the relationship I had with my daughter.

So now, for one hour a week, a friend (who is a teacher) visits and does homework with my daughter.

We also practice spelling words verbally at dinner, we make sentences with them, and we practice multiplication.

My daughters scores in spelling test have actually improved since we stopped enforcing nightly written homework (she’s gone from getting 2/10 to getting 8-10/8)

Playing out is very important for children, I wish my 12 year old was played out in the evenings but her friends all live the other side of town so she rarely wants to walk/bike all the way to hang out.

But studying and homework are also important, I've seen first hand how studying has improved my DD's achievements at school, she sees it too and is happy to spend an hour studying each evening (as she's been doing the last couple of weeks as she's had a lot of exams). An hour still leaves plenty of time for play or other activities while also being enough to reinforce the learning they've done that day in school.

It is shocking to me from this thread how many people expect children to learn everything academic from school. Coming from immigrant parents we knew we had to work hard outside of school too to succeed. Most people being somewhere in the average distribution can benefit from parental support like reading, going over concepts in maths. It doesn’t have to take hours and hours, they can study and play outside. Balance.

If you read my comment again, I specify Primary school.

However, I am quite confident that my secondary school homework had no material impact on my grades until GCSE years. Homework in years 7-9 was more about getting into good habits and taking responsibility for learning.

Also. There is nothing wrong with being in the bottom sets. Children’s ability varies. Not everyone can be above average. ALL children deserve downtime and relaxation with friends, regardless of ability. There are more important things in life than academics, such as relationships, imagination, creativity and happiness.

Exactly, my dc play out for an hour or two each evening with the kids I mentioned. They also have ample time for homework & an extracurricular/after school club..
As I mentioned my dc are fine, there is no animosity towards the school on our part & I felt uncomfortable listening to the bitching. Maybe if the parents pulled with the school instead of pushing against their kids would perform better.
They don't want them in the bottom sets but don't want to do anything about it saying it's the schools problem & responsibly.

It's not about parents teaching part time to give teachers an excuse not to bother. That isn't the only alternative to playing out. It's about supporting and reinforcing their learning with activities at home such as reading, having conversations about their day or discussing what's going on in the world, encouraging creative play such as drawing and lego, contributing to the household by learning to cook or do chores. Outside play is great but there should be room made for other things if you want well rounded, educated children.