To be annoyed at kid’s new school hounding me when they’re ill

[MytosisIs]

We recently moved and so DC are attending a new school. First day was supposed to be Monday.

On Sunday they tested positive for COVID. I had it earlier in the week and really suffered.
I tested them as they were coughing, had a high fever and even D&V.

I rang on Monday morning to say they’d be missing the first day. They said they don’t recommended children are tested but said “You’ve done it now though”. I said well I still very much test for COVID because whilst none of us are vulnerable, other people may be and it’s them I’m protecting.

anyway it’s now Thursday and as requested I rang every day and updated them. But really it’s just ‘they’re still I’ll and have COVID’.

They’ve run me back every single day to discuss ’an update on the kids’. I just repeat myself from what I leave on the voicemail.

Yesterday I was on a train (I’m now negative and have been for some time) and they heard the announcement and asked where I was. When I said was on a train they asked if I’d left my kids on their own!! I said “no they’re 6 and 9!” And they asked who was watching them - their dad!!!

Today I emailed to say I have back to back meetings so can’t call but the kids remain to be ill (DH was on a plane at this point). Again they called me, which I missed. So I found a window to call them back and they again were strange and said “They have been ill for so so long now” (5 days!) asking when it started etc.

Im starting to get pissed off. I’m thinking of pulling them out and enrolling them in another school which we were also offered and according to the receptionist still have places.

AIBU to be annoyed at their persistence? Would they rather I sent sick COVID-infected kids into school? In their old school they were great and just said “We will see them when they’re better, keep us updated”.

I'm doing my job. Which is trying to do my bit in protecting children from parents who don't send them to school for spurious reasons, who invent illnesses to keep them off, who leave them at home while they go off on trains and planes. Etc.

Be nice if we didn't have to, but there you go.

OP, you have an aggressive posting style.

Your posts have also been worded in such a way that quite a number of readers have misunderstood.

Your DC have both been too ill for school for a week. Yet you and their DF have recovered sufficiently/not contracted the virus so are able to continue with your daily life.

These points will be (rightly) raising question at a school where you are unknown with staff who have responsibilities to ask questions and do what it takes to check on their wellbeing.

The school have phoned you several times in a week.

They've asked questions which you must see on reflection are reasonable.

Give the school a break. Start again next week when the children are hopefully recovered enough to go to school. Aim for a positive relationship with the staff who aren't trying to catch you out, but are looking out for children who they have a responsibility for.

Now I'm worried that a teacher is so lacking in basic reading comprehension.

OP has explained more than once that the school were not told that her husband was on a plane. She didn't lie to them. Why would she have told them that when all she was doing with her message was confirming that the children would be off another day? What parent phoning in to notify a school that their child won't be coming in gratuitously goes into their child care arrangements? She only told them the previous day because they specifically and rather intrusively asked about it.

Now you're just being obtuse, unless you're a bit dim. You didn't 'just keep your sick kids off school' , you've 'kept 2 kids who they've never seen yet off school for a whole week' (and yes, neither of my d have ever been off school that long). As people who know about safeguarding have, very patiently, explained to you that moving schools but not turning up is a classic sign , maybe listen to them?

I actually can't believe you get cross at people trying to protect children!

But you must realise they have no real way of knowing you’re not one of those parents?

I do get it. It’s always horrible to think that people are thinking the worst of you through no fault of your own. If it helps, they might not actually be thinking the worst of you. But they have to follow process. Because processes can only work if people follow them, and we all need this process to work even in cases where the teachers don’t really believe there is anything wrong, and it turns out they are wrong and there actually is. Children have died when teachers and other professionals assumed/believed the best and gave the parents the benefit of the doubt. They have to question whether your children really are sick, and they have to ask whether someone is looking after your children, because there are other people who would behave exactly the same as you whose children would not be sick, and who would have left their children at home alone.

Tbf to you, the school most likely think you've taken them on holiday in term time and that it should be an unauthorised absence.

No. What a daft idea. It's based on number of children on roll.

I think your reaction to them calling and checking up on children that are supposed to be in their care is concerning. Especially if you’re also saying that you’d refuse them entry if they came to do a house visit because your house is a mess from moving house, and you’re considering moving schools.
What have you got to be so annoyed about? I would be concerned if they weren’t calling regularly. And if I was the school, I’d be concerned for the safety of the children too. They’re doing their job to safeguard children.

I bloody hope they do still treat her like one of those parents. Because we should be relying on processes like this, not Jane on reception’s personal judgement.

This. In spades.

It is when moving from one school to another that used to allow children to fall through the gaps. Old school thinks they have moved....no one checks on them. If they don't start at new school.....if the new school just shrugs and goes "oh well" then that child can go off the radar. And then horrific things happen.
They do not know you from Adam. They have a legal duty to make sure someone from school is aware of where your children are (as they are on roll). So, yes, they are being very vigilant. As they should be.

@Rosula and no. It wouldn't make any difference which parent called. Only the OP and you seem hung up on insisting that school have it in for this family because the mother went to work.

I agree and I find it very bizarre that people are talking about “red flags”.

Yes the school may need to check but why is it necessary to call back when you’ve had a voicemail?

Also there seems to be an assumption that the mum should remain at home with the kids at all times and the fact she was on a train is suspicious. It’s bizarre, it’s as if it’s impossible for people to conceive that someone else might be looking after them.

It may be safeguarding policy but it’s a bit hysterical.

How much money are you spending on tests if you’re testing multiple people on multiple days?! misses the point

If you're going to accuse someone of being a bit dim, you should probably take the trouble to read their posts properly, otherwise you might seem a bit dim, mightn't you? This school has seen OP's children, more than once.

If you haven't had to keep your children off school for a full week due to illness, lucky you. Hot news, not all children are the same.

If they're genuinely ill you keep them home. If they have the remnants of an illness or are fine except from sore throat or slight cough, than you are being extremely unreasonable to keep them home. There's no expectation to test or stay home when positive. I don't know why you think you're keeping people safe by keeping your 2 kids home when the rest of the country is out and about regardless if they're positive or negative.
You're being that parent.

If you send them to a different school you will get social services at the door. I know its annoying but they are doing their job are you telling them they have covid or specifically saying they have d&v and high temps

The timing is the issue.

The gap between moving schools is the prime time for children to fall through gaps.

Mine used to be ill for a full week. Chicken pox, scarlet fever being two I can recall. I would phone explain and this was accepted. BUT I was well known at the school.

I can only think it's a safeguarding issue because they're new pupils. Or a very zealous education authority mandate.

@MytosisIs I hope they're bright eyed and bushy tailed for Monday.

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Why haven't you emailed them each morning or reported it on the app they use for attendance? That way you wouldn't be getting any calls. Schools understand if parents are proactive but by not letting them know each day, you're making them extra cautious, as they should be.

People have explained why they’re ringing lots….just because you do t agree or like it doesn’t mean they’ll stop

they’ve got to keep children safe. They haven’t seen your kids since they were meant to start.

You can't blame OP for your inability to understand her post. The bit quoted says to me that OP didn't tell the school her husband was on a plane because it was irrelevant, which is pretty obvious. I don't know about you, but when I phone to say my child is off sick, that's all I tell the school, I don't go into a long explanation of who's looking after them and why. By the time you repeated the accusation she had confirmed this.

And the OP doesn't have to let them in.

The OP has contacted the school daily and told them they are ill.
Although not the law, the government guidance remains that any children who has tested positive with Covid should be kept home for 3 days (adults 5 days) where possible. Leaving a message on the school's voicemail is the normal procedure in most schools.

The constant phoning and questioning is OTT and not the norm at most schools IME, even when new to the school.

If this is best practice and these are rule designed to safeguard children, I’m curious how they are supposed to do that. All the school is doing is calling the mum and asking her how things are. And she is telling them each time how things are (which is a repeat of the communication she sent them earlier in the day telling them how things are. And then they repeat that the next day. With the odd insinuation that OP must have left her children home alone if she isn’t with them. (A risk whether or not they can hear traffic on the phone call, but not one they bother to check up on unless they feel suspicious the person calling might not be stuck at home - surely, if this is something that the school needs to check on they should be asking “And who is looking after the children today?” every time a parent calls in about an absence?)

The kids haven’t fallen off a radar and they wouldn’t even without the hostile calls. The mum is calling every day and letting the school know the situation. There’s nothing unusual about COVID lasting more than a week.

If the concern is that they aren’t actually ill, how does calling up and grilling OP help? Surely what’s needed is sight of the children if that’s the concern, not just getting OP to repeat that they are ill twice a day?

I’m saying it’s frustrating when I know I’m NOT one of those parents, to be treated like one.

Well yes, of course it is. But the whole point is that schools can't magically predict which parents are 'those parents', especially when they are new to the school. So they have to be cautious.

A lot can happen to a kid in a week and this is a child they haven’t even laid eyes on. You are taking it too personally.