To be annoyed at kid’s new school hounding me when they’re ill

[MytosisIs]

We recently moved and so DC are attending a new school. First day was supposed to be Monday.

On Sunday they tested positive for COVID. I had it earlier in the week and really suffered.
I tested them as they were coughing, had a high fever and even D&V.

I rang on Monday morning to say they’d be missing the first day. They said they don’t recommended children are tested but said “You’ve done it now though”. I said well I still very much test for COVID because whilst none of us are vulnerable, other people may be and it’s them I’m protecting.

anyway it’s now Thursday and as requested I rang every day and updated them. But really it’s just ‘they’re still I’ll and have COVID’.

They’ve run me back every single day to discuss ’an update on the kids’. I just repeat myself from what I leave on the voicemail.

Yesterday I was on a train (I’m now negative and have been for some time) and they heard the announcement and asked where I was. When I said was on a train they asked if I’d left my kids on their own!! I said “no they’re 6 and 9!” And they asked who was watching them - their dad!!!

Today I emailed to say I have back to back meetings so can’t call but the kids remain to be ill (DH was on a plane at this point). Again they called me, which I missed. So I found a window to call them back and they again were strange and said “They have been ill for so so long now” (5 days!) asking when it started etc.

Im starting to get pissed off. I’m thinking of pulling them out and enrolling them in another school which we were also offered and according to the receptionist still have places.

AIBU to be annoyed at their persistence? Would they rather I sent sick COVID-infected kids into school? In their old school they were great and just said “We will see them when they’re better, keep us updated”.

Then you must have the healthiest kids on the entire planet! My kids have had a week off here and there for illness several times over. Covid, chicken pox, flu, norovirus, awful viral infections, impetigo.

While this is true, how would the school’s actions in this situation prevent anything happening to the kids? All they are doing is getting OP to repeat what she’s told them. As a preventative measure it seems like it would fail any kid with abusive but savvy parents.

There are multiple red flags here - for people who don’t get it.

Disguised compliance. It’s a huge thing. A standard family, doing all the right things - significant abuse at home. A struggling family, doing all the right things at home - box ticking for social. Disguised compliance is a massive safeguarding issue and is big thing at the moment. Appearing to “do the right thing” won’t stop safe guarding flags.

Statistically, children are most likely to be abused after the holidays and after moving schools. Where I am, families under the radar actively move schools all the time, thinking safeguarding concerns go. Just has a safeguarding meeting around these issues today.

Children not presenting for a whole week after the holidays AND moving school will raise significant alarm bells in any school. Frankly, if it doesn’t - they aren’t doing their job properly. This will be compounded even more if the school has reason to believe a parent is hiding something.

No ifs or buts - that’s how it is now.

I'm doing my job. Which is trying to do my bit in protecting children from parents who don't send them to school for spurious reasons, who invent illnesses to keep them off, who leave them at home while they go off on trains and planes. Etc.

Except that In this case you have no evidence to indicate that the parent's reasons are spurious or that the illness was invented. And there is nothing suspicious about a parent who has to go to work and leave the other parent caring for their children.

I was wondering the same while reading the OP. Sounds so strange that I was wondering if it was real but from all the comments here it seems like it's standard and accepted school behaviour.

I guess schools often do make parents pay fines if their kids miss school there so maybe I shouldn't find this THAT surprising.

I would hate this level of school involvement over a few days off sick honestly. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all OP.

But I don’t think a week off school is a massive red flag.

No, it's not, once the 'relationship' with the school is established. Surely you can imagine that enrolling at a school and then not showing up might be something that could indicate something dodgy? And that it's a bit different from a week's absence of a child the school knows and whose parents the school knows?

Not saying you are… but people do.

Which is why, as you’re new, they’re covering themselves.

I think a week is a long time to have off and especially for 2 kids, usually one kid would have a bout of something and then the other would catch it and the first one would go back with the second returning at a later date.

It's fascinating how it's the posters who make themselves look dim by failing to read OP's posts properly who accuse her of being dim. The school has seen OP's children and indeed had them in for a morning last term.

How do this school’s actions - calling OP up and asking her to repeat what she’s already let them know that morning - stop disguised compliance? Especially if abusers who do this might be expected to be capable of deception in social situations?

Because many parents do???

Holidays, neglect, family issues are all reasons we've uncovered when looking into why kids are off sick for so long and parents have gotten ratty. Just because you are decent doesn't mean they know you are!

I'm part of the pastoral team at my school. If you were one of my parents I would 100% be home visiting tomorrow.
From a school point of view school has not had eyes on these children yet. Anything could have happened. They are protecting the children.

The standard of reading comprehension on MN these days is woefully poor it seems. A lot of posters either have poor reading comprehension or wilfully choose to not understand.

I've worked in schools for over 25 years. I have taught in primary for over 14 years.

It is not that unusual for a child to be poorly with a virus and unable to come to school for a few days.

Covid is still a thing even if some people would rather it didn't exist. For some people they get little symptoms but others are hit harder. Like with most viruses. Lots of people still test for a range of reasons. Government guidance still advises staying home, where possible, if confirmed positive. This helps to protect the more vulnerable people in society. As recommended Government guidance is for children to remain home for 3 days the school should not have been chasing them daily for the first three days. That isn't safeguarding - its OTT and will lead to a strained working relationship before the children even start.

The OP has contacted school daily - leaving a message on the answer phone is a very normal absence reporting process. This does not usually, ime, lead to school calling back each day to speak to a parent unless there are already know issues.

The OP does not need to let school in if they decide not to trust them and come to visit.

The OP does not need to report exactly what the children are doing all the time. Informing school that they are ill should be enough at this point. They should realise that most children do have more than one adult who can care for them. Just because mum is on the train - why would they then assume she's left them on their own? Most schools wouldn't make that assumption ime.

I actually do think it’s unusual for both children to be so unwell with covid they both need the whole week off. Most children bounce back quickly and are not so unwell with covid as to need a full week off (now that guidance is isolating is not required).

I would be concerned for the health of the child or I would be thinking you are one of those parents who keeps their child off with every sniffle.

I do get it’s annoying when it feels like school are being over zealous with safeguarding because you know you are not one of those parents. I’ve been in that position a few times but ultimately it’s better to be over zealous than ignore safeguarding concerns

There are processes to follow such as for CMI. It will also show the family they are monitoring; it will also be logged on the schools systems. If there are other safeguarding concerns which later come in from the previous setting, LA, LHS, it forms a bigger picture for further action if needed.

No.

There is no 'incentive' Re attendance - schools are required to maintain a government minimum attendance. If you are unsure how schools are funded please ask your child's school and they xan explain this to you.

Ofsted will check a school attendance, their absence procedures etc as part of a visit.

Daily absence contract checks are a requirement in most if not all schools.

It is not a school request that you do not test for covid, it is government guidance for young people (and yes, it us likely to try rectifying the damage to attendance caused by covid, but that is how it is). The guidance is if there is temperature for a child to remain iff school with a temperature but then return when this falls.

Please don't be angry at the school for daily checks - they are doing their job to check in the child, to check they are off school for genuine reasons, and to monitor and encourage a return to school.

Most schools wouldn't make that assumption ime

Most schools would know their families @Qilin

The timing is the clear issue. With your experience surely you must be aware of the increased danger for children in school holidays and when moving schools?

Normal safeguarding procedures, u r over reacting.

I think the school has strong suspicions that you're having a term-time holiday with the kids. That's why picking on things like you being on a train or telling them you won't be able to answer your phone.

They could be looking to find out if the absences should be unauthorised and a fine in order (when their limit is reached).

It is when moving from one school to another that used to allow children to fall through the gaps. Old school thinks they have moved....no one checks on them. If they don't start at new school.....if the new school just shrugs and goes "oh well" then that child can go off the radar. And then horrific things happen.

There are many things in place that should prevent this.
No contact would be the norm in such issues - here OP is calling daily and has spoken to school daily as well.

Old school should not remove a child from roll until the LEA or school trust has confirmed the child is in the new school/education setting/home school. The new school shouldn't have them officially as in their new school until they attend.

Maybe ensure your spelling and grammar are correct if you are commenting on reading skills of others…

I think there may be some kind of issue in that children are not properly "enrolled" in a school until they turn up on the first day. So it may be that you are (unavoidably) causing an administrative headache for the school because they don't know what code to put on the registers - how can your kids be marked absent when they are not officially there yet?!

This thread is basically another example of where people think “Someone should do something to protect children… unless they’re my children or another MNetters children because they’re obviously fine”

Every time these threads come up it’s exactly the same.

A massive overreaction. This is simply a safeguarding process for the school. Just follow process and send your kids back in when they are better.

Maybe ensure your spelling and grammar are correct if you are commenting on reading skills of others…

😂