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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed at kid’s new school hounding me when they’re ill

771 replies

MytosisIs · 20/04/2023 17:34

We recently moved and so DC are attending a new school. First day was supposed to be Monday.

On Sunday they tested positive for COVID. I had it earlier in the week and really suffered.
I tested them as they were coughing, had a high fever and even D&V.

I rang on Monday morning to say they’d be missing the first day. They said they don’t recommended children are tested but said “You’ve done it now though”. I said well I still very much test for COVID because whilst none of us are vulnerable, other people may be and it’s them I’m protecting.

anyway it’s now Thursday and as requested I rang every day and updated them. But really it’s just ‘they’re still I’ll and have COVID’.

They’ve run me back every single day to discuss ’an update on the kids’. I just repeat myself from what I leave on the voicemail.

Yesterday I was on a train (I’m now negative and have been for some time) and they heard the announcement and asked where I was. When I said was on a train they asked if I’d left my kids on their own!! I said “no they’re 6 and 9!” And they asked who was watching them - their dad!!!

Today I emailed to say I have back to back meetings so can’t call but the kids remain to be ill (DH was on a plane at this point). Again they called me, which I missed. So I found a window to call them back and they again were strange and said “They have been ill for so so long now” (5 days!) asking when it started etc.

Im starting to get pissed off. I’m thinking of pulling them out and enrolling them in another school which we were also offered and according to the receptionist still have places.

AIBU to be annoyed at their persistence? Would they rather I sent sick COVID-infected kids into school? In their old school they were great and just said “We will see them when they’re better, keep us updated”.

OP posts:
Original poster
MytosisIs · 22/04/2023 21:21

WiseUpJanetWeiss · 22/04/2023 21:08

It’s absolutely possible for a child with COVID or a chest infection to be vomiting and/or running a fever for 3-4 days and to be feeling too unwell to be in school for a week. I do not believe it is in children’s best interests to be forced to attend school in those circumstances.

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First time mine had COVID they were ill for almost 2 weeks (when The Delta variant was hitting the population). I was ill for even longer. It’s scary how long it took to go away.

OP posts:
Humanbiology · 22/04/2023 21:22

I don't bother testing for COVID anymore as far as I am concerned it's over and I couldn't wait for this day.

Original poster
MytosisIs · 22/04/2023 21:23

niugboo · 22/04/2023 21:17

It’s not.

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It really is actually.

The ‘hys’ relates to female anatomy and the origins of the word are women who are mentally unstable due to their reproductive organs - something which is clearly nonsense. But ‘hysteria’ was used to lock up perfectly healthy women for life because they did something like snog a man or read a book.

OP posts:
Original poster
MytosisIs · 22/04/2023 21:24

Humanbiology · 22/04/2023 21:20

@WiseUpJanetWeiss I don't agree with it myself how the system works and how they use home school workers as investigators. The argument is teachers have children as well and they judge you on themselves because they have to work or they will lose their job. They juggle children and working to educate parents children.

I had a funeral to go to and I asked the head could my partner take our child out 1 hour early before home time. The response was if I allow that then it would be like a punch in the face. It was a funeral for crying out loud and I asked I received no compassion. Don't know why I decided to have a 4th child and go through it again.

That’s terrible, I’m so sorry.

My DC’s previous school allowed my kids to have 2 days off because we had a funeral 4 hours away and planned to stay overnight.

OP posts:
Original poster
MytosisIs · 22/04/2023 21:25

Humanbiology · 22/04/2023 21:22

I don't bother testing for COVID anymore as far as I am concerned it's over and I couldn't wait for this day.

Absolutely fair enough and your choice. But if you lived with children who have vulnerabilities you may think differently

OP posts:
WiseUpJanetWeiss · 22/04/2023 21:30

Humanbiology · 22/04/2023 21:20

@WiseUpJanetWeiss I don't agree with it myself how the system works and how they use home school workers as investigators. The argument is teachers have children as well and they judge you on themselves because they have to work or they will lose their job. They juggle children and working to educate parents children.

I had a funeral to go to and I asked the head could my partner take our child out 1 hour early before home time. The response was if I allow that then it would be like a punch in the face. It was a funeral for crying out loud and I asked I received no compassion. Don't know why I decided to have a 4th child and go through it again.

That’s terrible. The last thing you need to be doing when bereaved is to be fighting for a right to a family life. 💐

Humanbiology · 22/04/2023 21:32

MytosisIs · 22/04/2023 21:25

Absolutely fair enough and your choice. But if you lived with children who have vulnerabilities you may think differently

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Fair point

Jourdain11 · 22/04/2023 21:52

I just find it improbable that they'd both be too ill for school after 5 days. One of them maybe - but both?

I think you're also being deliberately a bit antagonistic towards the school now because they've pissed you off. Not a great way to start, so you probably are better off going with the other school places after all.

Walkaround · 22/04/2023 21:56

thing47 · 22/04/2023 11:25

My apologies @Walkaround it wasn't meant to sound patronising. I was just posting so that people realised advice about testing didn't make the advice mandatory. I shouldn't have tagged you specifically, sorry.

Scientifically speaking, an 80% success rate is considered very good. You're perfectly entitled to think it is not good enough, just as others are to think it is. At the end of the day I guess I just think decisions on children's health are best taken by their parents. If a school needs to run checks, which are often perfectly reasonable, then polite enquiries are much more likely to yield results than aggressive questioning.

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Thanks, @thing47 . I do largely agree with your pov that parents are normally the best judges, although imvho this is not the case all the time (and if it were, safeguarding would not be such a massive issue for schools).

BSB30 · 22/04/2023 23:35

Some hospitals are still insisting on masks and they wear the full PPE when someone has Covid, completely cleaning the ward down top to bottom.

@2bazookas Schools may be attempting to follow the law to the letter with regards to safeguarding but they also have to keep in mind the laws on harassment too.

@MonsterMunchengladbach Why wouldn't they be able to get up if they are unwell? You'd have to be very seriously unwell to not be able to move off the sofa and would perhaps be better off in hospital. There is middle ground, where you can feel weak and unwell (not fit for school) but be able to get up and walk to the toilet for example.

@QueenCamilla The OP is clearly not on holiday as the teacher from the school saw them all.

@dimorphism Excellent post. I completely agree.

@jannier Home educated children are not checked at all. There are the yearly visits from the LA but these can be declined. Most have been done over the phone for the past 3 years. They can only be seen by the GP if the parent takes them for anything, as well as social groups etc.

LovelyIssues · 23/04/2023 00:09

You had back to back meetings and your DH was on plane? Who looked after your positive for covid children?

I work in a school and this would be major red flag. Your reaction to the school doing as they should and safeguarding children is very concerning OP. An even bigger red flag is you thinking of changing schools because the school are checking on your children.

T1Dmama · 23/04/2023 03:38

Of course you don’t send sick kids into school. It’s terrible advice not to test your children for COVID, there are often vulnerable children at school, and some teachers are vulnerable too.
Our school still doesn’t count absense due to COVID as an absense (in the sense that it doesn’t affect their attendance score!

As others have said, they’ll be concerned because they haven’t set eyes in your children yet, however that doesn’t mean you should send them in until they’ve Atleast stopped with the D&V…

I hope they’re feeling better and able to attend next week.

A while ago my daughter and I were both poorly. I set alarm to email in early that she wouldn’t be in… then both went back to
sleep…. Was so angry when the school called me an hour later waking me…
Then because I didn’t answer (phone was downstairs) they then emailed me!… I emailed back later stating if she’s sick she’s sick, and calling is unhelpful and all it served was to wake us both up after an already restless night.

poppysockies · 23/04/2023 07:00

I do think YABU wrt your dc’s illness but your tone does sound a bit antagonistic which may not have helped

poppysockies · 23/04/2023 07:01

Sorry meant to say I don’t think YABU

niugboo · 23/04/2023 08:26

MytosisIs · 22/04/2023 21:20

Erm, my children’s illnesses are nothing to do with your children. How arrogant. My son has respiratory issues.

If nothing else it’s very amusing watching posters wrap themselves in knots to justify their belief that someone else’s children they’ve never met couldn’t possibly be ill.

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I brought up my children in response to someone else’s reference to their own situation. Nothing to do with you.

niugboo · 23/04/2023 08:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

niugboo · 23/04/2023 08:53

MytosisIs · 22/04/2023 21:23

It really is actually.

The ‘hys’ relates to female anatomy and the origins of the word are women who are mentally unstable due to their reproductive organs - something which is clearly nonsense. But ‘hysteria’ was used to lock up perfectly healthy women for life because they did something like snog a man or read a book.

Show quote history

And? Meanings of words changed. I can assure you if you were a man I would still be calling you hysterical.

Original poster
MytosisIs · 23/04/2023 09:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Oh no, gutted.

OP posts:
Original poster
MytosisIs · 23/04/2023 09:12

niugboo · 23/04/2023 08:53

And? Meanings of words changed. I can assure you if you were a man I would still be calling you hysterical.

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It doesn’t take away from the fact it’s offensive when used towards women.

Also, we all haven’t had COVID recently. Strange thing to say

OP posts:
niugboo · 23/04/2023 09:54

MytosisIs · 23/04/2023 09:12

It doesn’t take away from the fact it’s offensive when used towards women.

Also, we all haven’t had COVID recently. Strange thing to say

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I didn’t say we’ve all had covid recently.

here’s the facts.

you have kept your kids off school for a week immoderately after the holiday with covid.

that is excessive. The school are right to check in. And based on your defensive responses here I am not surprised they got increasingly suspicious. Particularly with all your noise about covid tests.

Qilin · 23/04/2023 11:09

Humanbiology · 22/04/2023 20:23

@Qilin They can prosecute or fine the parent if the school feels that it's unnecessary for that child to be off.

Well of course they can go down that route if they need to.
However, if the children are ill they can't go to school. The school still can't force ill children to be in school.

Qilin · 23/04/2023 11:12

As someone with an actual immunocompromised child I am sick of peolle justifying poor parenting with kids like mine. They aren’t sick from covid after 5 days. It’s nonsense.

How on earth do you know a child isn't ill from covid for 5 days?!!
Any virus can make you poorly for longer than one or two days. It depends how it hits. And if a child has had D&V. As the op says, they can't return for 48 hours after the last bout anyway - so that could easily take an ill child to day 5,

Your comment that no child can be ill from covid for 5 days is nonsense.

mustgetoffmn · 23/04/2023 11:20

Iminthemoneylife · 20/04/2023 17:37

They are saving guarding your children. They have yet to see them and what you are saying them doesn’t add up. You say you’re ill but your on a train and then you have back to back meetings to the extent you can’t make a 30
second phone call but you can look after ill young children at the same time. I wouldn’t be surprised if they did a home visit.

You haven’t read post carefully enough. OP no longer ill. DC caught afterwards. Works. DH looked after children whilst she was on a train work related. COVID is still advised as an illness to stay at home for. Recommended 5 days . Or more if not well. As with any virus. A lot of people coming down with this variant.

mustgetoffmn · 23/04/2023 11:38

Totally agree that this is ridiculously over bearing. If it was over 2 weeks well ok but even then unnecessary to not only ask for a phone call every day but to ring back and question further? It could be someone doing their job unprofessionally (because this is). Or that the school is having problems getting numbers ( another red flag FOR YOU) or they’ve had a lot of incidents. None of which your problem but may be a bit worrying. If there isn’t a huge feeling / reason that you wanted this school more than other I would just swap. I’d also contact the school officially to explain why (not just ring reception) .

InWalksBarberalla · 23/04/2023 11:39

CurlyhairedAssassin · 20/04/2023 21:54

By the way, there are some bloody fantastic parents at my school, most of whom when they hear my explanation for calling would have this type of reply:

"Ah, ok, I totally understand the reason for your call. Yes, I understand, I'm so grateful that you're looking out for my child's welfare. So, my child is still feeling under the weather, they are not quite themselves and they still have a bit of a cough and a slight temp and they say they are feeling sick. What is the best thing to do? Do you want me to try and send them in? I'm concerned about them becoming poorly/vomiting in school. I don't want their first day at their new school to be miserable."

School: "Well, we would say that you could try them with some calpol and see if they feel any better in half an hour. If it brings their temp down a bit, then bring them in. Yes, even it's 10.30. Sometimes children feel better in school once they're getting on with things. I can assure you that we would keep a very close eye on your child, I will explain the situation to the teacher and obviously they are mindful that it is their first day and so they will feel strange anyway. If we have any concerns at all, if your child appears too unwell to cope or be happy in school, or becomes sleepy or their temp rises, that we would call you to pick them up immediately."

Honestly, just work with the school. They are on your side, they are on your child's side.

My kids school would be fuming if parents did this - gave sick kids medications to masks their symptoms and bring them in to pass it on to other kids. And in fact this kind of thing is actively discouraged. Is this really encouraged in UK schools??