To be annoyed at kid’s new school hounding me when they’re ill

[MytosisIs]

We recently moved and so DC are attending a new school. First day was supposed to be Monday.

On Sunday they tested positive for COVID. I had it earlier in the week and really suffered.
I tested them as they were coughing, had a high fever and even D&V.

I rang on Monday morning to say they’d be missing the first day. They said they don’t recommended children are tested but said “You’ve done it now though”. I said well I still very much test for COVID because whilst none of us are vulnerable, other people may be and it’s them I’m protecting.

anyway it’s now Thursday and as requested I rang every day and updated them. But really it’s just ‘they’re still I’ll and have COVID’.

They’ve run me back every single day to discuss ’an update on the kids’. I just repeat myself from what I leave on the voicemail.

Yesterday I was on a train (I’m now negative and have been for some time) and they heard the announcement and asked where I was. When I said was on a train they asked if I’d left my kids on their own!! I said “no they’re 6 and 9!” And they asked who was watching them - their dad!!!

Today I emailed to say I have back to back meetings so can’t call but the kids remain to be ill (DH was on a plane at this point). Again they called me, which I missed. So I found a window to call them back and they again were strange and said “They have been ill for so so long now” (5 days!) asking when it started etc.

Im starting to get pissed off. I’m thinking of pulling them out and enrolling them in another school which we were also offered and according to the receptionist still have places.

AIBU to be annoyed at their persistence? Would they rather I sent sick COVID-infected kids into school? In their old school they were great and just said “We will see them when they’re better, keep us updated”.

The children were off for 4 days the government has told schools 3 days. Do you know what you're talking about the school wouldn't have shown up otherwise🙄

No, the government advice is children testing positive should be kept off for 3 days. If they are too ill to go to school, they obviously don’t go back till they are better.

This is an email from my son's school.

"Since March 2022 when the final Covid restrictions were lifted the UK Health and Security Agency (UKHSA) has advised that COVID-19 should be managed like other respiratory infections, such as flu.

COVID-19 presents a low risk to children and young people. This, combined with high vaccination rates in the population, means there are no longer specific rules relating to COVID-19 in schools, colleges, childcare, and other education settings."

Return your children back to school they need there education.

Return your children back to school they need there education.

They’re not the only ones 🙊

The school have been unnecessarily argumentative and accusatory from the sounds of it. One the very first day they were criticising the OP for doing a covid test - which is none of their business at all. OP has said one of her children has respiratory issues so this is important. If the DC was to get ill enough to need medical attention, knowing straight away that they were ill with covid would be enormously helpful and save time.

Instead of saying 'I'm sorry, I do have to ask who is looking after the kids' when on a call when the OP was on the train they accused her of being a bad parent immediately 'have you left the kids on their own?'. That would get anyone's back up.

Yes, they have to check but they've gone way beyond this (in oddly unpredictable and illogical ways) firstly judging her for being a responsible parent and giving the child a basic test to deterimine what their illness was (which could be very important and is good parenting), then jumping to an assumption that the OP has left the children alone, with no evidence at all. Being accusatory if there WAS abuse wouldn't be in the child's best interests and is incredibly unprofessional.

Yes, the situation is unfortunate, the OP's children have got sick right before they're due to start a new school and the school does need to make appropriate checks but at the same time they should show a modicum of respect which they have not done.

On the one hand, they're concerned about the children's wellbeing and on the other they're heavily implying the OP should send them in when ill, which quite frankly probably meets the definition of neglect which IS classed as abuse. So on the one hand, they're supposedly concerned about safeguarding but on the other they want a poor feverish child to be miserable in school all day - which is neglectful and could be harmful to them as it could lead to secondary infections.

No child benefits from being forced into school with a fever when they should be in bed sleeping. Having a week off sick is certainly within normal parameters, the last time I called my GP was because my child had been ill with a fever for 5 days (non covid) and he said he wouldn't see a child until they'd had a fever for over 7 days or had other concerning symptoms (e.g. difficulty breathing, pain, unresponsive etc). He said it was entirely normal for a child's response to a virus to be 7 days of fever, which you'd hope a school would know.

Schools of course ARE judged on attendance and some of them are quite happy to overlook safeguarding when it means poorly kids who should be in bed resting are forced into school for their attendance statistics.

@thing47 - you need to read the entirety of people’s posts. I was not commenting on the OP’s situation in this instance, but the general comments people had made about covid. As I have already pointed out, a child that is too ill for school should not be in school, and that includes the OP’s children - covid is utterly irrelevant to that fact, as it has nothing whatsoever to do with whether the child is too ill for school or not, it’s just the name of an illness.

Also at no point whatsoever have I said the law does not allow parents to test their children for covid. I have made it patently clear that the guidance is that they should not be doing so unless a doctor tells them to, not that it is illegal or immoral to test children. However, as the official medical guidance is such, if a parent did keep their child or children off school purely because of the results of covid tests they chose to do at home every time their children got possible symptoms, and not because their child was very unwell and had been to see a doctor who told them to do this, then that absence would have to be recorded as an unauthorised absence, not an illness absence. If they insisted their child was in fact very ill each time they did this and needed at least 3 days off school every single time, and their attendance record was poor as a result, then the school would be expected to start asking for more evidence of the genuineness of the child’s symptoms (eg doctor’s note, prescription, hospital admission, tests done), without which all absences would start to be recorded as unauthorised, as a normally healthy child should not need so much time off school without proper medical investigation into the reasons behind their persistent poor health. Basically, a parent keeping their child off school to “protect others,” not the child, is not viewed by legislation as acting in their child’s best interests post- (or pre-) pandemic. Ultimately, parents can be, and many are, prosecuted for their children’s poor attendance at school.

Not that any of the above is relevant to the OP’s specific situation, just pointing out the continuing holier than thou approach to covid testing children doesn’t do anyone any favours - it’s the symptoms and their severity that are important, not the name of their cause or the results of a test that misses a substantial proportion of the cases in any event.

My first paragraph was a general one too. People (in general) can choose to ignore advice and carry on testing for Covid, or indeed any other illness, if they wish to do so.

The only person who's mentioned the law is you. I certainly didn't. I'm not sure I'm really seeing any holier than thou attitudes on here, merely different approaches to illness. At the end of the day, it's up to the parents to decide whether their DCs are well enough to go to school; if the school feels there is a red flag of some kind they can alert the proper authorities.

LFTs have an accuracy rate of 80% or slightly higher – that's pretty good actually if you know anything about the nature of such testing.

@thing47 - you rather patronisingly told me “the advice not to test for covid is precisely that, advice.” What do you think that sentence means or implies? If not advice, then…? Where did you think at that point I had suggested it was anything other than guidance or advice?!

And an 80% accuracy rate is not high enough to justify testing your child for covid every time they complain of very mild symptoms that might potentially be covid, but for which you would be happy to send them into school if they do not test positive for covid. Given that most people are not testing their children from covid now, you really won’t be providing much protection to anyone doing this, you will just be disrupting your child’s schooling more than necessary.

I can see why people test their children for covid if they know they themselves have just had covid, but tbh, for most people, if their children have symptoms in a household that already has known covid, it is not essential to confirm something that could be assumed.

As for the way the school dealt with the absence in this specific case - it sounds as though the way questions were phrased was poorly done, as dimorphism pointed out in their post, but in terms of safeguarding rather than tact, the school was not unreasonable to want to do extra checks.

OK, show me where it says that parents should not (as opposed to “do not need to”) test. And where it says children cannot be too sick for school for more than three days.

If children are vomiting or have a fever they should not be in school.

https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/is-my-child-too-ill-for-school/

People never read posts properly on here - you’re not being unreasonable btw, I’d be really pissed off with the school’s behaviour too.

Some people do. This isn't personal to you even if it feels this way. Sadly some parents say their children are sick and then go on holiday for a week. Especially after the Easter break, they might be suspicious.
When your children go to school, the teacher will probably ask them why they were off, so expect that one!
School attendance is monitored by the LA and schools are rated by attendance and visited more frequently by the EWO if they have low attendance figures. Also schools have come under fire as other had posted, for not following uo on safeguarding issues.
I would find this annoying tbh as you have stated the reasons but it is what it is and only you can decide if you would rather move your kids (assuming you have forked out for uniform etc).

I would keep my child off school if they had the flu. The email isn't telling parents to send children to school if they are ill with the flu or covid, it is saying children who are not symptomatic can go to school. Big difference.

The children are not well. If a child is ill the should be at home resting. The children will not be able to concentrate if they have a temp, headache and feel rough. This isn't just a case of testing positive, they OP said the children are ill.

It is indeed very common to lie about a child’s illness as an excuse not to send them into school - when actually on holiday; at a friend’s wedding; having a random day out; visiting family; waiting for bruises to disappear so questions won’t be asked; because the parent doesn’t want to have to bother getting their children to school today; because the parent feels ill, not the child; because the parent is mentally unwell and their life chaotic, so school is not a priority for them, but they don’t want to admit or acknowledge this is the actual reason; because the parent wants the child to stay home to babysit a younger sibling who is unwell; because the parent cannot co-ordinate keeping one sick child at home and getting the other children to school; because the child doesn’t like school and it’s hard work getting them in each day etc, etc.

Late to the thread here @MytosisIs and I've been unable to rtft, but just wanted to say thank you for keeping your DCs home despite the school driving you mad.
My DS has underlying problems with his lungs, catching Covid although unavoidable is something we try to keep him as far from. The idea a school would expect you to send them is horrifying and not the behaviour of the school my DCs are at.

You are incredibly correct regards safeguarding the health of other pupils and teachers

Yes I did. What exactly is it that you think the OP said that changes what I said or makes it irrelevant?

Dear @MytosisIs ,

I understand why you’re annoyed and defensive. However, I can also see things from the schools point of view. They don’t know you and have to be seen to be careful.

These ideas may well help in this situation:

• Ask your children to write a letter/postcard to their new teachers telling them a little about themselves and saying they’re looking forward to starting school.
• Send a photo of your children waving/reading/something.
• email the head and apologise for the slow start to term. Be calm and factual. Explain that once they are feeling well they will be in (and one may well start before the other). Explain that as they’re starting a new school you want them to be feeling really well before they start so the first few days run as smoothly as possible.
• Whoever is with your children should call at 8am/answer the call if the school phones later on. Don’t engineer this, but if your children are audible in the background that will help. Or ask if they’d like to say hello to your 9 year old!
• Keep your communications with school polite and friendly. Every time.

Im sure your old school didn’t chase you, but they knew you. You don’t have an established relationship with the new school.

Hope they feel better very soon!

Oh, and if you haven’t done this already, ask the school what they can be doing at home to keep up with the work they’re missing! Even if it’s just reading the class book/doing some reading around their topic etc. Show that you are chomping at the bit to engage with school!

But that isn't that likely to happen with a new school. If OP wanted to take the kids on holiday, all she needs to do is to tell the new school that they won't be moving house until a week later so that will be the children's start date.

OP explained that the one day she couldn't answer the phone due to back to back meetings, her mother was looking after the kids.

The school are just carrying out the procedures that you surely have only just reviewed having secured them a place or are their sickness policies complete news to you?

Doesn’t work like that - as already explained, you are required to give the old school a leaving date and the name of the new school and expected start date there. They are not removed from the old school’s roll until they have started at the new school and the two schools have to communicate with each other at that date to transfer records over, etc. Any discrepancy between leaving date and starting date causes problems for both schools, both Local Authorities and the parents who lie about their children’s whereabouts and the reason for their absence.

Well exactly. The OP’s kids are poorly, COVID or no COVID, so they should be at home.

The OP said that one day she was on a train and her DH was at home. On another day she was at work, her DH was on a plane (which she didn’t mention to school) and her DM was looking after the children.