To be annoyed at kid’s new school hounding me when they’re ill

[MytosisIs]

We recently moved and so DC are attending a new school. First day was supposed to be Monday.

On Sunday they tested positive for COVID. I had it earlier in the week and really suffered.
I tested them as they were coughing, had a high fever and even D&V.

I rang on Monday morning to say they’d be missing the first day. They said they don’t recommended children are tested but said “You’ve done it now though”. I said well I still very much test for COVID because whilst none of us are vulnerable, other people may be and it’s them I’m protecting.

anyway it’s now Thursday and as requested I rang every day and updated them. But really it’s just ‘they’re still I’ll and have COVID’.

They’ve run me back every single day to discuss ’an update on the kids’. I just repeat myself from what I leave on the voicemail.

Yesterday I was on a train (I’m now negative and have been for some time) and they heard the announcement and asked where I was. When I said was on a train they asked if I’d left my kids on their own!! I said “no they’re 6 and 9!” And they asked who was watching them - their dad!!!

Today I emailed to say I have back to back meetings so can’t call but the kids remain to be ill (DH was on a plane at this point). Again they called me, which I missed. So I found a window to call them back and they again were strange and said “They have been ill for so so long now” (5 days!) asking when it started etc.

Im starting to get pissed off. I’m thinking of pulling them out and enrolling them in another school which we were also offered and according to the receptionist still have places.

AIBU to be annoyed at their persistence? Would they rather I sent sick COVID-infected kids into school? In their old school they were great and just said “We will see them when they’re better, keep us updated”.

The school is probably more worried about their attendance records and Ofsted than the health of your children.

You said that you don’t keep them off for covid though??

Because I don’t test

In my experience, that is about right.

You are supposed to ring in for every day your child is sick or absent. Otherwise they have to ring you. It's partly to check your kid hasn't been lost on the way in. Until you've met the parents who keep kids off because the house still needs unpacking, it does feel invasive...

If your children are not particularly unwell, you don’t know it is covid - unless you test for covid every single time they say they feel under the weather. It’s not like chickenpox or d&v where it is obvious what they have and what the guidance is, or an illness where they are clearly unwell and should not be in school regardless of the cause. Now most people are vaccinated and the vulnerable continue to be vaccinated regularly, there is no good reason to make your children miss school unless they are genuinely unwell themselves, rather than mildly under the weather with something that might make someone else genuinely unwell, but hasn’t actually made them particularly ill. Covid will never go away now and it is grossly unfair to make people isolate specifically for covid when it is no longer a greater threat to society than myriad other issues we are inflicting on future generations.

In this case I think ‘making things up’ and ‘speculate’ are synonymous!

I did.

Well, no, actually - they're not. If I'd said "these are the facts" then I'd be making it up. Whereas "I think" makes it clear that it's opinion or supposition. Totally not synonymous, but it seems pointless trying to actually have a discussion here any more, it's just finger-pointing and name-calling. I think I'm just going to go cold turkey!

We will agree to disagree here I think. To me 5 ish days of schooling isn’t as important as protecting those who can’t protect themselves. 🤷🏻‍♀️
have a great weekend. 😊

I agree that leaving a message should be good enough to not instigate a daily interrogation. However there maybe 3 valid reasons

1. The person @ school responsible is overzealous
2. They're only being this way because they don't know you and what your 'normal' parenting is.
3. They just like being 🐓s.

You aren’t protecting those who cannot protect themselves, though, you are pointlessly keeping your children at home, away from their friends, and disrupting their teaching, because however much you do with them at home so that they do not fall behind academically, they will have caused issues for them in school (whether missing an activity they would have enjoyed, missing auditions for a school show, or just missing the start of a new topic). You can’t protect vulnerable people by not sending you non-vulnerable children to school, because the vulnerable kids will still be in school getting an education and catching covid off the other 28 children.

Primary teacher here. Don't have time to RTFT, but this will be safeguarding. @Suja1 you commented on the school caring more about Ofsted. This isn't true, BUT, a school can be rated inadequate by Ofsted with so much as one safeguarding failure. A headteacher in Reading recently committed suicide after safeguarding meant her school was graded inadequate (despite everything else being 'Good'). If a school was seen to not be communicating with a parent about absence, this would be a safeguarding red flag. It's frustrating it's got like this, but schools have to be like this now unfortunately.

Not very well 🤣🤣

Covidwoes I do understand about safeguarding, having taught in both Primary and worked in an SEN dept at a Secondary school. In this particular example from MytosisIs , since they are new to the school, the staff have no idea about the family and yes, there may well be concerns and they would clearly have to follow this up. I suppose I am speaking from a wider perspective. Having had three children at state schools, I got thoroughly fed up with being called and written to when a child was off for more than a couple of days. In this case, it was undoubtedly absence records that the school was concerned about. It was not my fault that my child was ill and I would not send any child in with a temperature, D&V etc who would then pass on their illness to children and staff alike. Ultimately, this leads to greater numbers of children missing school.

There’s nothing that’s been said that contradicts what I posted.

I totally understand your frustration. Unfortunately, it is a massive red flag for schools when children leave one school, join another and then don't show up on the first day or week of the new school. As a former AHT I've had 2 instances in my career where children disappeared off the radar having moved school and didn't show up at the new one. Even though you phoned to say your DCs were unwell, the school would have been vigilant in following this up. Especially as they don't yet have a relationship with you yet, they will be following their safeguarding policy (and Government guidelines) to the letter; this is definitely what it sounds like to me. Sounds to me like a school that know what they are doing. Safeguarding is the number one priority in schools, which it should be of course. Just a shame it happened to you right now but the school would rather piss you off a bit than risk a child disappearing. Hope your children settle in well when they are well enough.

Unfortunately, there wasn't much you could have done.

It's a bit like when my bank stopped my debit card because of "unusual spending". I commented that spending more on than usual on Christmas shopping in early December was quite normal, and they explained that the fraudsters know that, and so they do likewise with the stolen card details. It was annoying, but on the whole, better that they check.

In the same way, someone trying to hide their child's bruises is going to do something that might appear very plausible - like ringing in daily to say they're sick. They might even have relocated because they thought the previous school was getting suspicious.

This goes beyond safeguarding but the offensive behaviour may just be a silly person in their admin office.

I'm glad you haven't bought into the "no testing" behaviour. Testing is normal at both mine and DH's workplaces, as are air quality monitoring devices, portable filter units and FFP2 .
I would feel sad for any child or staff force-fed a covid infection by the attitude you described above.

Because taking the default position that unknown parents are telling the truth has led directly to children's slow, painful and torturous deaths. As has been pointed out repeatedly. But we get it, you're different. And staff are supposed to psychopathically know that. Well done you for taking a stand and being 'short' with them. That'll show them.

Had the same thing when DD had covid (back when you had to test etc)- I think as some kids who tested positive felt ok and were doing online school, they assumed that all kids with covid were well enough to be working. Despite reporting her as ill, I was getting messages asking why DD wasn't in online school while she was in bed with a temperature of 40 😕

Fair enough. You didn’t read them properly though.

@Walkaround the advice not to test for Covid is precisely that, advice. It's not a rule, so parents are entitled to test members of their family if that is what they wish to do, and then take whatever action they deem appropriate. Of course you can't avoid Covid, and you can't really catch it outdoors, but if people want to test for it, that is their prerogative.

And ultimately the decision whether a child is well enough to go to school is down to his or her parents, not the school. OP is not 'pointlessly keeping them at home', she has made a judgment call that they aren't well enough to attend yet. It's worth pointing out in this particular instance that both OP's DH and her DM have looked after the children since they have been off ill and there has been no suggestion on this thread that they feel the DCs should be back at school either.

The children were off for 4 days the government has told schools 3 days. Do you know what you're talking about the school wouldn't have shown up otherwise🙄

The government has not said that children are only allowed to be sick with COVID for ony 3 days. Children with COVID - or flu, or norovirus - may be too sick ro attend school for several days. Children who are vomiting or have a high temperature should not be in school. Parents can and should make this decision.