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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be annoyed at kid’s new school hounding me when they’re ill

771 replies

MytosisIs · 20/04/2023 17:34

We recently moved and so DC are attending a new school. First day was supposed to be Monday.

On Sunday they tested positive for COVID. I had it earlier in the week and really suffered.
I tested them as they were coughing, had a high fever and even D&V.

I rang on Monday morning to say they’d be missing the first day. They said they don’t recommended children are tested but said “You’ve done it now though”. I said well I still very much test for COVID because whilst none of us are vulnerable, other people may be and it’s them I’m protecting.

anyway it’s now Thursday and as requested I rang every day and updated them. But really it’s just ‘they’re still I’ll and have COVID’.

They’ve run me back every single day to discuss ’an update on the kids’. I just repeat myself from what I leave on the voicemail.

Yesterday I was on a train (I’m now negative and have been for some time) and they heard the announcement and asked where I was. When I said was on a train they asked if I’d left my kids on their own!! I said “no they’re 6 and 9!” And they asked who was watching them - their dad!!!

Today I emailed to say I have back to back meetings so can’t call but the kids remain to be ill (DH was on a plane at this point). Again they called me, which I missed. So I found a window to call them back and they again were strange and said “They have been ill for so so long now” (5 days!) asking when it started etc.

Im starting to get pissed off. I’m thinking of pulling them out and enrolling them in another school which we were also offered and according to the receptionist still have places.

AIBU to be annoyed at their persistence? Would they rather I sent sick COVID-infected kids into school? In their old school they were great and just said “We will see them when they’re better, keep us updated”.

OP posts:
backstreetsbackallright · 21/04/2023 18:16

What about children who are home educated? There are no checks at all on them yet a school gets up in arms after a week?

Jourdain11 · 21/04/2023 18:20

@Bamboux Exactly, it's about how the parents engage with the school in large part.

My DD1 has complex medical needs (T1 diabetes and associated autonomic neuropathy). She has missed a LOT of school this year. Most recently, she lost the ability to empty her bladder due to neuropathy and ended up in hospital for treatment, followed by a whole bunch of outpatient appointments, tests, etc. To my knowledge, nobody questioned the veracity of what we were saying. She engaged with her teacher on the virtual learning platform, DD2 picked up worksheets for her to do at home so she wouldn't get too behind, I had a meeting about what adjustments she'd need when she went back, she asked if she could read ahead in the book the class are doing. Basically, we never withheld information and if they asked, when will she be back? I'd say that we couldn't say for sure because she needed to [whatever] before she'd be able to, but we're hoping by the end of the week, etc.

So, it's perfectly possible for kids to take time off without having your neck breathed down, but I bet if I'd just said, she's sick, she's sick, she's still sick, they'd have been all over it.

Govanexpat · 21/04/2023 18:21

If this lady was intent on causing her children harm she wouldn't have registered them with the school in the first place.

niugboo · 21/04/2023 18:27

MytosisIs · 21/04/2023 11:22

Update: They showed up at 8.30 (I’d already rang in) kids waved from the window I had a chat with them. I said I understood from their point of view they have safeguarding obligations but from my point of view they are ill and there’s not much I can do.

Good. I’m glad they did.

Wongerw · 21/04/2023 18:29

At primary school there are no major exams, children are little still, holidays in school time should be allowed! (Like they used to be). Of course you can’t take the pi** but it should be allowed in primary. We used to go every year to Mauritius for 3 weeks. We had no calls or anything. But back then you weren’t harassed immediately by schools or suspected as an abuser as everyone seems to be these days!!!

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 21/04/2023 18:29

backstreetsbackallright · 21/04/2023 18:16

What about children who are home educated? There are no checks at all on them yet a school gets up in arms after a week?

Ah well. The fact that no system is perfect means the statistic that children are most at risk during a move between schools (and during holidays) should just be ignored…

backstreetsbackallright · 21/04/2023 18:30

@YetMoreNewBeginnings That didn't answer my question.

Nothingisblackandwhite · 21/04/2023 18:30

People who say it’s a safeguard 🙄🙄🙄. Honestly unfortunately it’s not abnormal this day and age . Thankfully my child’s school is not that way . they are probably worried about attendance percentage than your kids .
You should ask them what’s their policy on covid , our school days you should still send them in unless they are unwell, they have stopped the staying home policy if you test positive last year .

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 21/04/2023 18:31

Nothingisblackandwhite · 21/04/2023 18:30

People who say it’s a safeguard 🙄🙄🙄. Honestly unfortunately it’s not abnormal this day and age . Thankfully my child’s school is not that way . they are probably worried about attendance percentage than your kids .
You should ask them what’s their policy on covid , our school days you should still send them in unless they are unwell, they have stopped the staying home policy if you test positive last year .

You should ask your child’s school what they’d do if children don’t turn up in their first week.

You’ll find most schools would deal with this scenario in very similar ways.

Walkaround · 21/04/2023 18:32

Govanexpat · 21/04/2023 18:21

If this lady was intent on causing her children harm she wouldn't have registered them with the school in the first place.

Rubbish. Parents often register their children at a school out of area (the school they are leaving requires the name of the school they are moving to, so this lends credibility) then never turn up. Some parents are serial offenders at this - especially those with something to hide, hoping to get away before any Local Authority or school can get a proper handle on them. Sometimes it turns out they never even moved. That’s why the rules are the children remain on roll at their old school, in their old Local Authority, until they are proven to have physically started at the new school, or at the very least moved to the new address the parent claimed they were heading to. Otherwise these parents can and do disappear off the radar altogether.

Islandgirl68 · 21/04/2023 18:33

Oh my goodness that is so excessive and bordering on harassment. Your kids are ill of course you keep them off. My DS has just had two weeks off school. He had a throat infection, seemed to be getting better so went to school on the Friday, but came home feeling rubbish and back to bed, Monday got antibiotics for tonsillitis. Was not in any fit state to be in school. Called everyday to the answer line to say he was ill. Thankfully no one was harassing me. What part of the UK are yiu in.

Bananacustardrhubarb · 21/04/2023 18:33

backstreetsbackallright · 21/04/2023 18:16

What about children who are home educated? There are no checks at all on them yet a school gets up in arms after a week?

That is incorrect.

My dc are seen by the gp, dentist and optician. The EhE officer does a yearly check and home visit. We are seen at groups etc . Home educated kids aren’t invisible to authorities!

Walkaround · 21/04/2023 18:34

Islandgirl68 · 21/04/2023 18:33

Oh my goodness that is so excessive and bordering on harassment. Your kids are ill of course you keep them off. My DS has just had two weeks off school. He had a throat infection, seemed to be getting better so went to school on the Friday, but came home feeling rubbish and back to bed, Monday got antibiotics for tonsillitis. Was not in any fit state to be in school. Called everyday to the answer line to say he was ill. Thankfully no one was harassing me. What part of the UK are yiu in.

Have you recently moved house to another part of the country and never actually sent your children to the school they have been absent from for 2 weeks, or are you actually talking about a completely different situation?

AlinaRawlings · 21/04/2023 18:41

MytosisIs · 20/04/2023 17:34

We recently moved and so DC are attending a new school. First day was supposed to be Monday.

On Sunday they tested positive for COVID. I had it earlier in the week and really suffered.
I tested them as they were coughing, had a high fever and even D&V.

I rang on Monday morning to say they’d be missing the first day. They said they don’t recommended children are tested but said “You’ve done it now though”. I said well I still very much test for COVID because whilst none of us are vulnerable, other people may be and it’s them I’m protecting.

anyway it’s now Thursday and as requested I rang every day and updated them. But really it’s just ‘they’re still I’ll and have COVID’.

They’ve run me back every single day to discuss ’an update on the kids’. I just repeat myself from what I leave on the voicemail.

Yesterday I was on a train (I’m now negative and have been for some time) and they heard the announcement and asked where I was. When I said was on a train they asked if I’d left my kids on their own!! I said “no they’re 6 and 9!” And they asked who was watching them - their dad!!!

Today I emailed to say I have back to back meetings so can’t call but the kids remain to be ill (DH was on a plane at this point). Again they called me, which I missed. So I found a window to call them back and they again were strange and said “They have been ill for so so long now” (5 days!) asking when it started etc.

Im starting to get pissed off. I’m thinking of pulling them out and enrolling them in another school which we were also offered and according to the receptionist still have places.

AIBU to be annoyed at their persistence? Would they rather I sent sick COVID-infected kids into school? In their old school they were great and just said “We will see them when they’re better, keep us updated”.

Cracks me up when I see ppl still testing for covid….what difference does it make!? You don’t test for any other cough/colds etc, it’s like some of you just enjoy the drama of saying you have the dreaded COVID….I say the school are being completely reasonable over a mother who is massively overreacting to a mild illness!

oosha · 21/04/2023 18:42

Have to be honest that would really piss me off

backstreetsbackallright · 21/04/2023 18:42

@AlinaRawlings It's having consideration for other people and it's not a mild illness for everyone. I test still if I have symptoms so I don't pass it onto my 73 year old dad. It's selfish.

backstreetsbackallright · 21/04/2023 18:43

@Bananacustardrhubarb If parents take them yes. But if not, there are no checks at all.

Walkaround · 21/04/2023 18:48

backstreetsbackallright · 21/04/2023 18:42

@AlinaRawlings It's having consideration for other people and it's not a mild illness for everyone. I test still if I have symptoms so I don't pass it onto my 73 year old dad. It's selfish.

To be fair, no illness is mild for everyone and your grandfather won’t actually be in school with your children. Families with vulnerable children are aware of the new government guidelines on children and covid (ie don’t test and do send them to school if they are personally well enough). Things like d&v and chickenpox are just as dangerous to vulnerable children and, frankly, only really avoidable by not going to school at all, ever, because by the time one child has vomited in your classroom or spent the day in school brewing chickenpox, it is probably too late to avoid it, given they will have been extremely contagious before anyone was really aware of it.

backstreetsbackallright · 21/04/2023 18:50

@Walkaround Each to their own but I will still test if symptomatic to protect other people. It's being responsible and considerate towards others.

Wongerw · 21/04/2023 18:51

backstreetsbackallright · 21/04/2023 18:50

@Walkaround Each to their own but I will still test if symptomatic to protect other people. It's being responsible and considerate towards others.

Yes it’s common decency you’re right!

Walkaround · 21/04/2023 18:53

backstreetsbackallright · 21/04/2023 18:50

@Walkaround Each to their own but I will still test if symptomatic to protect other people. It's being responsible and considerate towards others.

@backstreetsbackallright Would you buy tests for every other infection going if they were available, even if you were fined for your children’s poor attendance at school as a result of keeping them at home to protect others?

backstreetsbackallright · 21/04/2023 18:53

@Wongerw I also wouldn't send my children to school if they were testing positive, despite any government guidelines.

backstreetsbackallright · 21/04/2023 18:54

@Walkaround It depends what illnesses we are talking about. D&V - no because the symptoms themselves indicate whether someone is infectious. Something more serious - tend to have tests done at GP or hospital anyway.

If school wanted to fine me then fair enough.

Itstarts · 21/04/2023 18:56

Govanexpat · 21/04/2023 18:21

If this lady was intent on causing her children harm she wouldn't have registered them with the school in the first place.

Shockingly, people who do abuse their own children, also can't be bothered to parent them 24/7 so do want them in school so they can get away from them.

CecilyP · 21/04/2023 18:58

Common sense is at play. Abusers may also phone everyday with a plausible excuse. Common sense says, it is very strange for siblings to be off at exactly the same time (some overlap yes but not entirely), especially after the holidays and even more so after a move.

Not really. If one child had caught something at school or an activity, then it is common for the second child to catch it off them. As OP was the first one to catch Covid, it’s no surprise that both her children caught it at the same time.