Page 21 | To be annoyed at kid’s new school hounding me when they’re ill

MytosisIs · 2023-04-20T16:34:15+00:00

We recently moved and so DC are attending a new school. First day was supposed to be Monday. On Sunday they tested positive for COVID. I had it earlier in the week and really suffered. I tested them as they were coughing, had a high fever and even D&V. I rang on Monday morning to say they’d be missing the first day. They said they don’t recommended children are tested but said “You’ve done it now though”. I said well I still very much test for COVID because whilst none of us are vulnerable, other people may be and it’s them I’m protecting. anyway it’s now Thursday and as requested I rang every day and updated them. But really it’s just ‘they’re still I’ll and have COVID’. They’ve run me back every single day to discuss ’an update on the kids’. I just repeat myself from what I leave on the voicemail. Yesterday I was on a train (I’m now negative and have been for some time) and they heard the announcement and asked where I was. When I said was on a train they asked if I’d left my kids on their own!! I said “no they’re 6 and 9!” And they asked who was watching them - their dad!!! Today I emailed to say I have back to back meetings so can’t call but the kids remain to be ill (DH was on a plane at this point). Again they called me, which I missed. So I found a window to call them back and they again were strange and said “They have been ill for so so long now” (5 days!) asking when it started etc. Im starting to get pissed off. I’m thinking of pulling them out and enrolling them in another school which we were also offered and according to the receptionist still have places. AIBU to be annoyed at their persistence? Would they rather I sent sick COVID-infected kids into school? In their old school they were great and just said “We will see them when they’re better, keep us updated”.

FuckNuggets · 21/04/2023 16:01

Humanbiology · 21/04/2023 13:13

They can't be that ill if they are able to wave from the window. They still want your children in school regardless according to them it's over. It only affects adults now haven't you heard?

Schools are very strict with attendance and they will not think twice about taking you to court. As they see it you are holding back your children over a sniffle or a cough.

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Yes, because waving at the window for 10 seconds is exactly the same as 6 hours+ in school whilst still recovering from covid, isn't it?

Christ on a fucking bike!🙄

CecilyP · 21/04/2023 16:05

OP has contacted the school every day, and answered the phone every day except once when she was working and her DM was looking after the children. She has opened the door to the school. She has had her children appear at the window to show they are safe but sick.

Quite! She has phoned every single day. If she just left a message on the ansaphone, I can understand them phoning back on the first day to find out more information as OP is new to the school. After that, what really was the point? No wonder she is irritated.

jannier · 21/04/2023 16:50

WiseUpJanetWeiss · 21/04/2023 15:50

OP has contacted the school every day, and answered the phone every day except once when she was working and her DM was looking after the children. She has opened the door to the school. She has had her children appear at the window to show they are safe but sick.

Exactly how is that a loser’s game?

She’s pissed off that the school has been high handed with her and told her off for COVID testing her children who are sick with COVID symptoms when that’s absolutely none of their business, and has harassed her daily despite her having phoned in every day. The school has safeguarding policies (although I can’t see what repeated phoning is actually doing to enhance safeguarding) but they are not entitled to treat her disrespectfully.

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There have been cases where abusers have kept children away from the visitor or covered with a blanket to hide injury. The children have not been in school for 3 weeks due to Easter holiday and moving possibly longer if they moved before end of term the op being difficult is just going to make the school be more on top of every little thing....changing schools again will mean the record goes with them and more suspicion

jannier · 21/04/2023 16:54

backstreetsbackallright · 21/04/2023 15:53

@jannier Does the school do checks throughout the 6 weeks summer holidays for safeguarding purposes? Anything can happen during those 6 weeks.

@Thepeopleversuswork I agree with you. There does seem to be hysteria surrounding safeguarding now. I understand it is good to look out for signs of abuse and to take action accordingly but having a week off school is not grounds to suspect a parent is abusive. The medicine form incident you shared is a prime example. I also believe that schools sometimes overstep their authority and fail to respect people's basic human right of respect for private and family life under Article 8 Human Rights Act 1998. Some schools cross the line into harassment and it appears to be the case here which is why OP is understandably irritated.

@Putyourdamnshoeson They can insist on more than a wave but OP is under no obligation at all to let them in her home if she feels uncomfortable with that. People can't bully their way into your house under the guise of safeguarding. They have no authority to do so. Same with social workers unless there was an immediate risk of harm to the child, then the Police would need to be involved. The sensible thing to do in this situation would be to let this week go by and see what next week brings. Plenty of people are unwell for over a week with Covid, it's not out of the realms of possibility.

I'm actually shocked at the selfishness of some on here saying to just send your child to school while they have Covid. What about other people who could potentially get very unwell with it? What if you pass it onto to someone who lives with someone who it could be fatal if they caught it? OP is doing the morally right thing keeping them at home until they are well in addition to it being the right thing for her children. It would be cruel and far more abusive to force them to school whilst unwell.

At risk children will be monitored, holiday clubs offered....statically it is a very dangerous time for children and an argument for reducing the length of the holiday.

WiseUpJanetWeiss · 21/04/2023 16:57

jannier · 21/04/2023 16:50

There have been cases where abusers have kept children away from the visitor or covered with a blanket to hide injury. The children have not been in school for 3 weeks due to Easter holiday and moving possibly longer if they moved before end of term the op being difficult is just going to make the school be more on top of every little thing....changing schools again will mean the record goes with them and more suspicion

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I’m not really sure what your reply has to do with my post. The school has been high handed. The OP is pissed off. The school has the responsibility to safeguard but they have no right to treat the OP like a naughty schoolgirl.

If they really think there is a problem why have they left it 5 days to do anything? If the window wave is not enough why have they not called the police? This all smacks of officiousness and box ticking without any impact whatsoever on actual outcomes.

jannier · 21/04/2023 17:04

Waving from the window may not be good enough and nobody has spoken to the children so if they are not in Monday it will probably be escalated.

backstreetsbackallright · 21/04/2023 17:07

@WiseUpJanetWeiss It come across as the school overstepping their authority and unnecessarily creating tension before OPs children have even started school.

WiseUpJanetWeiss · 21/04/2023 17:13

jannier · 21/04/2023 17:04

Waving from the window may not be good enough and nobody has spoken to the children so if they are not in Monday it will probably be escalated.

Good enough for what?

Itstarts · 21/04/2023 17:14

backstreetsbackallright · 21/04/2023 17:07

@WiseUpJanetWeiss It come across as the school overstepping their authority and unnecessarily creating tension before OPs children have even started school.

In this case maybe. But what's worse? Pissing off a few parents or letting a child suffer at the hands of their abusers? I honestly couldn't care less if I piss off 1000 parents if it saves 1 child's life.

backstreetsbackallright · 21/04/2023 17:16

@Itstarts Perhaps but surely common sense should come into play? If a parent hadn't been in contact at all and ignoring all calls then absolutely that should raise some concerns but the OP has kept them fully updated.

WiseUpJanetWeiss · 21/04/2023 17:18

Itstarts · 21/04/2023 17:14

In this case maybe. But what's worse? Pissing off a few parents or letting a child suffer at the hands of their abusers? I honestly couldn't care less if I piss off 1000 parents if it saves 1 child's life.

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It’s not an either or. It could have been handled entirely differently over the phone. And I’m yet to be enlightened as to what the hounding has actually achieved here. Even if OP had been abusing the children none of this would have made them any safer.

BHRK · 21/04/2023 17:20

YABU for testing then for Covid, yes! Absolutely ridiculous

Itstarts · 21/04/2023 17:21

backstreetsbackallright · 21/04/2023 17:16

@Itstarts Perhaps but surely common sense should come into play? If a parent hadn't been in contact at all and ignoring all calls then absolutely that should raise some concerns but the OP has kept them fully updated.

Common sense is at play. Abusers may also phone everyday with a plausible excuse. Common sense says, it is very strange for siblings to be off at exactly the same time (some overlap yes but not entirely), especially after the holidays and even more so after a move.

backstreetsbackallright · 21/04/2023 17:22

BHRK · 21/04/2023 17:20

YABU for testing then for Covid, yes! Absolutely ridiculous

Why?

backstreetsbackallright · 21/04/2023 17:25

@Itstarts Not really. The children were both with OPs mum, who ended up having Covid. The virus would have been passed onto them at the same time, which would make them unwell at the same time. Within my own circle, I have known 3 children in the same household all be off the exact same days with Covid and they were off more than a week.

Jourdain11 · 21/04/2023 17:27

Itstarts · 21/04/2023 17:21

Common sense is at play. Abusers may also phone everyday with a plausible excuse. Common sense says, it is very strange for siblings to be off at exactly the same time (some overlap yes but not entirely), especially after the holidays and even more so after a move.

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Yeah, agreed. It's very unusual that both children would need 5 days off too. My DD1 had Covid and missed the start of the week. DD2 and DS, to my knowledge, haven't had it and were therefore in school. Perhaps OP is one of those parents who keeps her kids off for any and every reason and for too long, which is also not good parenting as it's effectively withholding education. I'd expect the kids are eager to start their new school and anxious to have missed their whole first week.

Itstarts · 21/04/2023 17:28

WiseUpJanetWeiss · 21/04/2023 17:18

It’s not an either or. It could have been handled entirely differently over the phone. And I’m yet to be enlightened as to what the hounding has actually achieved here. Even if OP had been abusing the children none of this would have made them any safer.

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Its been mentioned repeatedly but it helps to build a picture. The phoning back instead of just accepting the email at face value ensures parents are in a fit state to be caring for children, ensures children are in the country (school's know when your child's 'sick' and they ring and get the international dialing tone), they would hope to hear children in the background too. Also hope that mum wasn't fearful of answering the phone or talking too long.

I think there's a lot of naivety about what actually happens when abuse is reported. Even actual confirmed abuse SWs don't just storm in. It takes months/years to build a picture.

backstreetsbackallright · 21/04/2023 17:30

@Itstarts Then what is the point in being so heavy handed for 1 week if it takes months or years to safeguard children from abuse?

Itstarts · 21/04/2023 17:30

backstreetsbackallright · 21/04/2023 17:25

@Itstarts Not really. The children were both with OPs mum, who ended up having Covid. The virus would have been passed onto them at the same time, which would make them unwell at the same time. Within my own circle, I have known 3 children in the same household all be off the exact same days with Covid and they were off more than a week.

OK....what's that got to do with potential abuse?

backstreetsbackallright · 21/04/2023 17:31

@Itstarts You said that children having the same days off with the same illness would be concerning. I was saying that it does happen and doesn't necessarily equal abuse.

Itstarts · 21/04/2023 17:37

backstreetsbackallright · 21/04/2023 17:31

@Itstarts You said that children having the same days off with the same illness would be concerning. I was saying that it does happen and doesn't necessarily equal abuse.

Yes. But it's unusual, therefore suspicious. Even more suspect after a move AND a school holiday.

backstreetsbackallright · 21/04/2023 17:39

@Itstarts My mind doesn't work that way. I don't find it suspicious after reading OPs explanation.

Itstarts · 21/04/2023 17:41

With safeguarding, the default is it abuse could happen to anyone.

Jourdain11 · 21/04/2023 17:42

backstreetsbackallright · 21/04/2023 17:39

@Itstarts My mind doesn't work that way. I don't find it suspicious after reading OPs explanation.

I find it likely that OP is being massively overcautious about their health and/or is undecided about actually sending the children to this school and it holding off to hear if they can go somewhere else.

Colourmylifewith · 21/04/2023 17:43

backstreetsbackallright · 21/04/2023 17:39

@Itstarts My mind doesn't work that way. I don't find it suspicious after reading OPs explanation.

Sadly that’s a big part of the problem, people have their head in the sand about these things and look what that has led to, most professionals are taught to consider the ‘unthinkable’ as not doing has led to many children being killed