Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To be annoyed at kid’s new school hounding me when they’re ill

771 replies

MytosisIs · 20/04/2023 17:34

We recently moved and so DC are attending a new school. First day was supposed to be Monday.

On Sunday they tested positive for COVID. I had it earlier in the week and really suffered.
I tested them as they were coughing, had a high fever and even D&V.

I rang on Monday morning to say they’d be missing the first day. They said they don’t recommended children are tested but said “You’ve done it now though”. I said well I still very much test for COVID because whilst none of us are vulnerable, other people may be and it’s them I’m protecting.

anyway it’s now Thursday and as requested I rang every day and updated them. But really it’s just ‘they’re still I’ll and have COVID’.

They’ve run me back every single day to discuss ’an update on the kids’. I just repeat myself from what I leave on the voicemail.

Yesterday I was on a train (I’m now negative and have been for some time) and they heard the announcement and asked where I was. When I said was on a train they asked if I’d left my kids on their own!! I said “no they’re 6 and 9!” And they asked who was watching them - their dad!!!

Today I emailed to say I have back to back meetings so can’t call but the kids remain to be ill (DH was on a plane at this point). Again they called me, which I missed. So I found a window to call them back and they again were strange and said “They have been ill for so so long now” (5 days!) asking when it started etc.

Im starting to get pissed off. I’m thinking of pulling them out and enrolling them in another school which we were also offered and according to the receptionist still have places.

AIBU to be annoyed at their persistence? Would they rather I sent sick COVID-infected kids into school? In their old school they were great and just said “We will see them when they’re better, keep us updated”.

OP posts:
WiseUpJanetWeiss · 20/04/2023 22:28

mybeautifuloak · 20/04/2023 22:16

Why did you think I was home working?
So who was looking after them. You being at work and DH being in a plane.

Why don’t you try reading the OP’s posts?

gabrielleblue · 20/04/2023 22:29

Aren't the majority of posters here surely suspicous that the OP might be exactly the sort of parent the safeguarding principle is in place to check?

FuckNuggets · 20/04/2023 22:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Walkaround · 20/04/2023 22:31

You have withdrawn your children from school in one place, moved them elsewhere and have not turned up at their new school to enrol them. This is a red flag from a safeguarding perspective for a school and Local Authority that does not know your family. Children in this situation, especially since covid, can and do very easily go missing from education altogether. The number of “missing” children has increased massively since 2020. You may know you are telling the truth and are trustworthy. They don’t know that - in fact, it sounds like you are coming across as dodgy as hell from their perspective!

Snellytheelephant · 20/04/2023 22:32

Don’t take it personally. Your kids are ill and you have kept them off to protect the other students, teachers and wider community which is exactly what you should do. However, the school has a duty of care to follow their safeguarding policy, which might be different to your children’s previous school’s but must be followed all the same. There are parents who may well say the exact same thing as you over the phone, but in those cases it might not be true and the children may be in danger. Maybe they’ve been given a black eye. Maybe they’ve been taken away for FGM. Maybe one has a broken bone and hasn’t been taken for treatment. Maybe the parent has munchausens. Although frustrating for those of us knowing we are doing the right thing, it’s much better to allow the school to investigate than for them to miss the one event that could help to protect a vulnerable child. Frustrating but necessary to keep all children safe.

katepilar · 20/04/2023 22:32

I dont understand why people dont seem to understand its normal to be ill and feel sick for five days?

FuckNuggets · 20/04/2023 22:32

BadNomad · 20/04/2023 22:28

5 days. The took ill on Sunday. And I never said illness don't last that long. I said it isn't usual for children to be too ill for school for that long. Schools are full of sick children. They don't need to be kept off until 100% better. They'd never be there if they did.

Show quote history

In the last 16 years that both my kids have been at school there have been several times when they've needed at least 5 days off school will illness. It's really not that unusual.

FuckNuggets · 20/04/2023 22:33

katepilar · 20/04/2023 22:32

I dont understand why people dont seem to understand its normal to be ill and feel sick for five days?

Yes, exactly! It's really quite bizarre.

Itstarts · 20/04/2023 22:35

Wongerw · 20/04/2023 22:28

Yea everyone is an abuser these days 🙄

You have no idea...

CountessWindyBottom · 20/04/2023 22:35

MytosisIs · 20/04/2023 22:01

I’m not understanding what I should have done differently this week that would have made me not a red flag? Short of sending very sick children into school

Show quote history

I also would have kept my kids out of school. But I think this is a consequence of your failure to see their safeguarding concerns and your bizarre attitude. You come across as extremely defensive and were the school to have picked up on this at all (which I guarantee they have) then this will only compound any concerns. Talk to the school principle tomorrow and offer them a home visit or welfare check (please try your best to be pleasant) so that the school can allay any worries they may have. I understand that this has been a hard week and that the timing of your kids being poorly isn't optimal but you do probably need to work on your communication skills judging by the posts here.

Wongerw · 20/04/2023 22:36

Living in cuckoo land I see

Twillow · 20/04/2023 22:36

MytosisIs · 20/04/2023 22:06

Ph the irony! If you had read them properly you’d see the answer to your questions in my posts

Why did you think I was home working?

Show quote history

I'm also confused about who was looking after them while DH was on a plane and OP had back-to-back meetings but was [indignanantly] not working from home.

AlltheFs · 20/04/2023 22:36

FuckNuggets · 20/04/2023 22:32

In the last 16 years that both my kids have been at school there have been several times when they've needed at least 5 days off school will illness. It's really not that unusual.

Show quote history

That’s irrelevant. It’s the combination of moving, new school and not starting on the first day. Not the amount of time off on its own. It all presents a level of risk that hits a threshold for potential concern. That doesn’t mean there is an issue but they are bound to proceed with caution.

Plus I suspect they get bad vibes about the parent judging by the attitude shown here.

Wongerw · 20/04/2023 22:37

Just like everyone has to have a condition

Walkaround · 20/04/2023 22:38

Ps until your children physically turn up at the school, your children’s information files will not be transferred from the old school, so the current school is stabbing in the dark when it comes to working out whether or not to take you at your word, hence constantly checking out what you are telling them. Maybe they have other children who want your children’s school places, too, so they don’t want to be left in limbo with phantom children who never turn up.

Snellytheelephant · 20/04/2023 22:39

katepilar · 20/04/2023 22:32

I dont understand why people dont seem to understand its normal to be ill and feel sick for five days?

Yeah when I had Covid and it made me feel awful and it definitely lasted more than 5 days!

itsjustnotok · 20/04/2023 22:39

MytosisIs · 20/04/2023 21:36

They have laid eyes on them

Show quote history

Ok OP the school have met them. After a fair number of comments though you seem determined to ignore everyone who has attempted to explain the basics, which you clearly don’t want to hear. Hope you’re kids are better soon.

FuckNuggets · 20/04/2023 22:40

Twillow · 20/04/2023 22:36

I'm also confused about who was looking after them while DH was on a plane and OP had back-to-back meetings but was [indignanantly] not working from home.

Show quote history

Her mum! JFC can you people not read?

Thingstodotoday · 20/04/2023 22:41

Iminthemoneylife · 20/04/2023 17:37

They are saving guarding your children. They have yet to see them and what you are saying them doesn’t add up. You say you’re ill but your on a train and then you have back to back meetings to the extent you can’t make a 30
second phone call but you can look after ill young children at the same time. I wouldn’t be surprised if they did a home visit.

Do you actually know how to read?? Jesus.

BadNomad · 20/04/2023 22:42

FuckNuggets · 20/04/2023 22:32

In the last 16 years that both my kids have been at school there have been several times when they've needed at least 5 days off school will illness. It's really not that unusual.

Show quote history

Do you think all those children with 100% attendance never got ill? Some parents always keep their sick kids home. Some only keep them home when they're half-dead. Some send them in even when they're half-dead. (Schools want them sent in even when they're half-dead then they will judge if they're too ill for school.) Everyone is different. Just because you kept yours off for over a week doesn't mean anyone else would in that circumstance. It isn't the norm.

ireallycantthinkofaname · 20/04/2023 22:47

queenofthewild · 20/04/2023 18:37

There was a case a little while ago when a mother had been too unwell to take their child to school. The mother took a turn for the worse and added away and her child starved to death as the school/nursery hadn't been in regular contact.

Schools are obliged to make daily contact with absent children's parents for this reason. It's not personal, it's just a duty of care.

oh my good god that is horrific

Bamboux · 20/04/2023 22:49

gabrielleblue · 20/04/2023 22:29

Aren't the majority of posters here surely suspicous that the OP might be exactly the sort of parent the safeguarding principle is in place to check?

Refusing to allow the school to visit at home... yeah... that's the one that really really stands out to me. It's not right. They would understand if you've just moved and it's a mess.

If it can't be made presentable enough to allow a safeguarding check, I would question if it's an environment that children should be in.

That poor girl who died in her bed in Wales had her parents repeatedly turn away social workers at the door. They said she had covid

FuckNuggets · 20/04/2023 22:50

BadNomad · 20/04/2023 22:42

Do you think all those children with 100% attendance never got ill? Some parents always keep their sick kids home. Some only keep them home when they're half-dead. Some send them in even when they're half-dead. (Schools want them sent in even when they're half-dead then they will judge if they're too ill for school.) Everyone is different. Just because you kept yours off for over a week doesn't mean anyone else would in that circumstance. It isn't the norm.

Show quote history

So what you're actually saying is there are some really shit parents out there who don't care about their kid's health and wellbeing? They'll happily send their kids to school with V&D, chicken pox, flu, impetigo and severe covid?

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 20/04/2023 22:53

MytosisIs · 20/04/2023 22:00

As a PP put it, there’s a difference between being I’ll and ‘not turning up’.

Show quote history

I didn’t say “not turning up” - I said haven’t appeared. Which they haven’t. That’s just fact. The fact there’s a reason for it doesn’t change it as a fact.

I’m not understanding what I should have done differently this week that would have made me not a red flag? Short of sending very sick children into school

Nothing. Absolutely nothing different.

However, the school should have done absolutely nothing different either.

That’s the bit you are refusing to see.

You’ve done nothing wrong. They’ve done nothing wrong.

It’s one of those situations that has the potential to be a perfect storm of either “ffs how bloody typical is that?!?!” or “somebody should have done something and checked on those children”.

And unfortunately for you, and the school, you both just have to do what you’ve done even though it’s an absolute pita for the other.

EarringsandLipstick · 20/04/2023 22:53

CurlyhairedAssassin · 20/04/2023 21:54

By the way, there are some bloody fantastic parents at my school, most of whom when they hear my explanation for calling would have this type of reply:

"Ah, ok, I totally understand the reason for your call. Yes, I understand, I'm so grateful that you're looking out for my child's welfare. So, my child is still feeling under the weather, they are not quite themselves and they still have a bit of a cough and a slight temp and they say they are feeling sick. What is the best thing to do? Do you want me to try and send them in? I'm concerned about them becoming poorly/vomiting in school. I don't want their first day at their new school to be miserable."

School: "Well, we would say that you could try them with some calpol and see if they feel any better in half an hour. If it brings their temp down a bit, then bring them in. Yes, even it's 10.30. Sometimes children feel better in school once they're getting on with things. I can assure you that we would keep a very close eye on your child, I will explain the situation to the teacher and obviously they are mindful that it is their first day and so they will feel strange anyway. If we have any concerns at all, if your child appears too unwell to cope or be happy in school, or becomes sleepy or their temp rises, that we would call you to pick them up immediately."

Honestly, just work with the school. They are on your side, they are on your child's side.

That's a utterly mental conversation. Surely no-one would have that dialogue!

No way would I ask a school's advise regarding the medical care of my child, not would any school I know make suggestions regarding dosing the child & sending them in when unwell.

This cannot be a serious post.