To be annoyed at kid’s new school hounding me when they’re ill

[MytosisIs]

We recently moved and so DC are attending a new school. First day was supposed to be Monday.

On Sunday they tested positive for COVID. I had it earlier in the week and really suffered.
I tested them as they were coughing, had a high fever and even D&V.

I rang on Monday morning to say they’d be missing the first day. They said they don’t recommended children are tested but said “You’ve done it now though”. I said well I still very much test for COVID because whilst none of us are vulnerable, other people may be and it’s them I’m protecting.

anyway it’s now Thursday and as requested I rang every day and updated them. But really it’s just ‘they’re still I’ll and have COVID’.

They’ve run me back every single day to discuss ’an update on the kids’. I just repeat myself from what I leave on the voicemail.

Yesterday I was on a train (I’m now negative and have been for some time) and they heard the announcement and asked where I was. When I said was on a train they asked if I’d left my kids on their own!! I said “no they’re 6 and 9!” And they asked who was watching them - their dad!!!

Today I emailed to say I have back to back meetings so can’t call but the kids remain to be ill (DH was on a plane at this point). Again they called me, which I missed. So I found a window to call them back and they again were strange and said “They have been ill for so so long now” (5 days!) asking when it started etc.

Im starting to get pissed off. I’m thinking of pulling them out and enrolling them in another school which we were also offered and according to the receptionist still have places.

AIBU to be annoyed at their persistence? Would they rather I sent sick COVID-infected kids into school? In their old school they were great and just said “We will see them when they’re better, keep us updated”.

Sorry OP but have you been speaking with the same kind of defensive attitude on the phone with the school as you have on this thread because I would think your sketchy AF 🚩🚩🚩 I'm not your kids school and even I'm worried your acting too defensive over 3 short phone calls 😬

For the record my kids schools (primary and secondary) call EVERY single day that they're out sick. Takes me 30 seconds to explain they're still ill. Why are you so angry about this? It's safe guarding clearly but your taking it so personally, your mad they asked if you left them home alone? .. people do leave their kids home alone, neglectful parents exists - they need to ask, and I'm 100% glad they did, I've often been asked by schools who is taking care of mine when they're off sick and I'm working, again its a very simple question that shouldn't have you so up in arms over.... I'm sure your one of 20 calls they make for the same reason every day, they have to ask these questions, they don't know you... again THEY DON'T KNOW YOU, and even if they did they would still have to ask! If you switch schools over this I hope it sets alarm bells ringing 🚨🚨🚨 there have been too many instances of people dropping the ball with safe guarding, too many children have been let down. The fact that your not happy your kids are attending a school that seems to have its students welbeing as high priority is seriously dodgy.

Also, yes you do need to mention your mum is babysitting for you in the original post, if you're going to throw out that your husband was on a plane and you're in back to back meetings... if you didn't want people to make assumptions then you need to give the full story. You sound fucking exhausting.

A red flag isn’t a suspicion.

Its a warning sign, based on actual bad things which have happened to children in the past after that sign/event has occurred.

The existence of red flags would be pointless if the school said “ah there’s probably a perfectly valid explanation” and didn’t investigate or follow up.

It was more a question for MNers.

Sorry I didn’t word that well - the MNers who think I’ve done wrong, I’d like to know what I should have done

I totally agree with you OP, what the school is doing sounds ridiculous to me. The whole thing about attendance record is also ridiculous. It wont do the child any harm to stay off school for a week when ill but it will do them harm when going in too soon.
In my country children tend to stay off for a week for a mild illness and two for bad illness. And dont take part in sports one week after going back.

No. All children will be checked up on constantly. No one is accusing you of abuse. But the school cannot 100% guarantee the children are safe until they see them.

When your children are older and go out alone, you will worry until they are back home safe. Even if out drinking till 3am, you might not sleep until they get home. Even more so the 1st time they go out. You might even ring them more than once to check up on them.

That is what the school is doing. They are acting like a concerned parent that will never stop worrying.

OP the school may be irritating you but they have a duty of care. Some people move their children every term to avoid the various interventions from outside agencies and school staff. Abuse increases over holidays. You know your kids aren't alone and have been having a nice Easter break, then genuinely been sick, but the school haven't seen them. The school don't know there's nothing untoward going on. They are double checking they're not alone because so many would think nothing of leaving children alone. It's not personal, it's timing. If they've been off 1/2 weeks for Easter then had another week off, this would raise concerns amongst the safeguarding leads. At every school I've worked in its normal for parents to ring with an absence update each day. If there's other issues and concerns at play, school will make further contact. Your situation is above board but so, so many home situations aren't, and the school simply have to follow up, however annoying their calls are.

Yes, that happens in Reception. The children are only young. Particularly after lockdown there has been a lot of absence due to childood diseases such as chicken pox, mostly happening in Reception and Year 1. Some parents even take their children on holiday during the period which would be their very first week at school. It's not something I personally would do as they miss out on a huge amount and they may well find it hard to settle after everyone else has started to make friends and get used to the new routine etc. I don't think it is in a child's best interests, starting late after a holiday. But parents still take them out. It isn't a safeguarding issue but it would mean that that child's attendance is more of a focus the rest of the term, and so you MAY need to provide evidence for things like absences for medical appts etc. If you're going to do holidays during Reception year, my advice would be to do it at the END of a term, not right at the beginning.

However, this is an older child in the middle of the school year, at a change of schools. It isn't the same, and there are totally different procedures. Which wouldn't appear on the school website because it will come under the local authority safeguarding procedures.

In 10+ years of school, the only time that both of my children have been off at the same time for an entire week was when we were abroad for a wedding (school knew about this).

They've never both come down with something on the same day. Including covid (3 times). There's always been a gap of a couple of days before the 2nd one gets ill.

Above all, your anger and your response to all of this, saying you wouldn't let them in if they came to the house, is really really suspicious.

I had a call from social services when my son was little as he had ended up in a&e twice in a short time. I wasn't angry,I didn't feel like I was being accused of being abusive - I was glad they were looking out for his welfare.

You've had this all explained to you so many times now. I don't know why you are pretending not to get it.

Why did you think I was home working?
So who was looking after them. You being at work and DH being in a plane.

Her mum, apparently.

dd Now 10 had tonsillitis last June, she was I’ll the Thursday evening, high temp, sleeping straight after school, we didn’t send her Friday, said she had a fever etc.. they said to me, if she feels better in the afternoon don’t hesitate to send her… that pissed me off straight away, dd had pretty much perfect attendance from reception until the start of year 4, only having chicken pox right before the first lockdown… so we get to Monday morning, fever has broken, but she can’t swallow, she had been complaining about a sore throat all weekend but nothing there, when I called up Monday, they suggested I send her in when she could barely stand or swallow, finally we checked again Monday afternoon, white spots all over her tonsils. Get the amoxicillin that evening, so naturally we didn’t send her Tuesday. They basically said shes got medicine now, she will be alright to come in. I said I’ll send her in when I feel she’s ready, not before, if you look at her attendance you’ll see she’s always at school, apart from chicken pox, she’s not like some of the kids in her class who are off 2/3 times per month. They didn’t say anything to me when I called up to say she wouldn’t be in the weds, she could have probably gone back but I was trying to prove a point. Not had any comments since.
some schools just go too far, yes you have to safeguard.

No one thinks you've done wrong. Just trying to explain why the school are absolutely correct in doing their job by checking up.

If they are very ill, stay at home.

If its a sniffle or normal cold (well in themselves), send to school.

There are no masks, no testing, just normal infection control procedures in hospitals now and I dont know a single friend who tests (have friends who are nurses, teachers, care workers etc), so I think you will be in the absolute minority testing your kids.

Schools should mind their own business

Okay wow this is pretty unacceptable. This poster is clearly a teacher who expects the parents they speak to to have the time and interest to spend 1-2 mins talking to them /working with them to ensure the best for each child. And you think it’s just for their ego?

for any other teachers reading this thank you for doing what you do and championing safeguarding and welfare. I hope OP’s reaction is in the minority.

It's Thursday, they only went back on Monday. It's not usual for an illness to last 4 days? What planet are you on?

It is - which is why they will be flagging themselves.

@Wongerw the welfare and wellbeing of their students IS the business of the school. They have to safeguard their students.

If you RTFT you'd see she's already said her mum was looking after the kids!

Op rather than safe guarding , I’d say it’s attendance they are flapping about as there’s so much pressure from some councils on attendance figures- hence the daily calls to put the pressure on for a return to school. Just call tomorrow morning again as usual and say they’ll see the children on Monday , then leave any call unanswered and go about your day.

@liverpoolgal82 , gosh, you are so wrong. It's disheartening to hear that you don't think that schools have their children's best interest at heart, it really is. I get the impression that you haven't worked in schools or in any kind of safeguarding role and so you will (thankfully) be unaware of some of the hideous situations that some poor children have to deal with. Please don't leave calls from school unanswered. Apart from anything it is a massive waste of staff time trying to make numerous attempts to contact you. We really are not allowed to just leave it and any repeatedly unanswered calls would just prompt a home visit. Do you really want that?

This is absolutely ridiculous! I would be absolutely livid if some random person from school was telling me to drug up my sick child with stupid calpol that actually stops one's natural immune response to illness because they want them to come to school. That is insane.

Yea...Best let the abusers carry on their abuse.

Yea everyone is an abuser these days 🙄

5 days. The took ill on Sunday. And I never said illness don't last that long. I said it isn't usual for children to be too ill for school for that long. Schools are full of sick children. They don't need to be kept off until 100% better. They'd never be there if they did.