To be annoyed at kid’s new school hounding me when they’re ill

[MytosisIs]

We recently moved and so DC are attending a new school. First day was supposed to be Monday.

On Sunday they tested positive for COVID. I had it earlier in the week and really suffered.
I tested them as they were coughing, had a high fever and even D&V.

I rang on Monday morning to say they’d be missing the first day. They said they don’t recommended children are tested but said “You’ve done it now though”. I said well I still very much test for COVID because whilst none of us are vulnerable, other people may be and it’s them I’m protecting.

anyway it’s now Thursday and as requested I rang every day and updated them. But really it’s just ‘they’re still I’ll and have COVID’.

They’ve run me back every single day to discuss ’an update on the kids’. I just repeat myself from what I leave on the voicemail.

Yesterday I was on a train (I’m now negative and have been for some time) and they heard the announcement and asked where I was. When I said was on a train they asked if I’d left my kids on their own!! I said “no they’re 6 and 9!” And they asked who was watching them - their dad!!!

Today I emailed to say I have back to back meetings so can’t call but the kids remain to be ill (DH was on a plane at this point). Again they called me, which I missed. So I found a window to call them back and they again were strange and said “They have been ill for so so long now” (5 days!) asking when it started etc.

Im starting to get pissed off. I’m thinking of pulling them out and enrolling them in another school which we were also offered and according to the receptionist still have places.

AIBU to be annoyed at their persistence? Would they rather I sent sick COVID-infected kids into school? In their old school they were great and just said “We will see them when they’re better, keep us updated”.

@Wongerw thankfully not. But as an ex teacher I’ve known of abusive parents. I know of parents who have claimed kids were sick when they weren’t. I know one colleague who came into work one day to find a parent had killed a child.

Schools want them sent in even when they're half-dead then they will judge if they're too ill for school.

I'm sorry but I do feel that's overstepping. It's for parents to decide whether their children are too ill for school or not, and possibly a doctor's after a certain length of time.

Schools do not generally have the expertise to make medical assessments and their opinion on a child's health does not override the actual parent's opinion.

There are.

Just before Easter because a parent who said their child, who is in my DDs class, was “absolutely fine in themselves and Cp is mild anyway” sent their child to school knowing they had CP.
and that’s despite knowing their teacher is pregnant!

Unfortunately for them their child is also the chattiest and had told three other kids “my mum said I have to not tell anyone about my spots” by 10am.

Wheres the red flag? Let me guess......is it on a plane?🙄

No. I don't think you understand the checks that are now made. Once a child is on a school roll, then they are on it. It is responsibilty of that school to then follow up the whereabouts of the child if they "dispppear" and refer to the LA if the whereabouts of the child. They can't just accept a simple phone call in a school move. Elective home education is a whole other form of "disappearance", followed up by various people, parents aren't just allowed to take their child out of school with no-one then being concerned about what is happening with the child's education and welfare. And often a parent's welfare. Domestic violence against the mother could come into it. THere are various things which could explain the reason for a child just disappearing from regular attendance at a school. Which includes not turning up on the first day at the new school. The OP has just moved house and is complaining about the follow ups. I don't get it. Why are people not understanding that this is totally different from normal absence procedures, it's baffling me.

I get you I moved my sons school last year big mistake. My sons had all been to the same primary where I was well known and liked by the staff.
The new school the reception staff are snotty and question everything my son had strep and ended up in hospital and I was hounded to death with daily calls asking for updates.
Final straw was me being late in with my son after a traumatic miscarriage and being questioned by the snotty cow of why I had been in hospital infront of other parents.
It was actually a joke and I hate the school with a passion.
I’ve heard from other parents they do it to everyone I went formal on them after her trying to embarrass me and talking to me like a child infront of everyone. If you’ve ever watched Harry Potter think Mrs Umbridge.
Wasn't safe guarding it was called being a nosey tw@t.

Yup. Shitty parents that send their kids in ill and refuse to collect them. Shitty parents that keep their kids off school because they can't be arsed to take them in so fake an illness. Shitty parents who send their kids in unwashed and dirty. Shitty parents who make sure their child is 100% immaculately presented at all times in the hope they can hide the bruises and give off a good impression.

It takes all kinds.

But just 1 red flag isn't anything. It's the persistent recording of all those little things that builds a picture of what might be going on behind closed doors.

But. They. Do. Not. Know. That.
The. School. Does. Not. Know. You.

Honestly OP, you're just being deliberately goady now.

Some parents don't feel like they have any other option. Not every child has a SAHM, or parents with understanding places of employment, or grandparents nearby to step in. They dose their kids up, send them in, then hope they don't get a phone call telling them to come collect them. It doesn't make them shit parents. Just desperate.

Schools are not bothered about kids getting it it's only when adults have COVID the rules have changed. They can't have anymore time off or you will get fined.

I’ve stood speaking to parents who don’t work k vaguely know them and their kids been sick all night and stood their waiting to go in looking like death. Works both ways of what is a crap parent as some parent don’t want the hassle of their sick child round them.

if your children are too sick for school, they’re too sick for school, there’s little different you could do there.

But from the sounds of this thread it seems your communication with the school has been quite defensive or combative, which may have heightened any concerns the school had simply because both children are off at the same time and on their first day at a new school

And it may not change anything, but getting so frustrated and angry (when the school were just doing it’s job

I know. There are all different types of people in the world. All different types of parents. You can't just say someone who sends their sick child to school is a shit parent. Nor can you say someone who keeps their sick child off school is a good parent. You can't assume either way. Hence why schools have policies and guidelines they follow.

Don't be silly. School is just one part of a child's life experience. School staff don't usually know what is happening outside school hours when that child is at home. That includes during term time at the weekend and on weekday evenings and overnight. They will get an impression of the child's home life as they build the relationship with the child and the family. Monitoring school attendance (and thus wellbeing and welfare) of a school pupil is not something that is done by school staff during school holidays because attendance at school is not compulsory during the holidays, as you well know. Schools are closed and staff don't get paid so technically they are not staffed or responsible for your child (but many still work for free actually, some of the time, regardless). Schools simply cannot be responsible for children 24 hours a day, although sadly, the expectation that this is the case seems to be increasing amongst some famillies the past couple of years.

Schools WILL, however, have referred any worrying cases to social services. They do, of course, work all year round, can and do have dealings with families of concern during school holidays etc.

Many LAs, via schools, also provide supermarket vouchers for families with children on income-related free school meals, so that they can buy food for their children during the school holidays. Years ago, no-one gave a second thought about what happened to children in less well off families during the school holidays. It is additional work and an additional responsibility for school staff, and usually squeezed in very last minute at the end of a school term. Parents are really very lucky these days regarding what is done and provided for their children. Unfortunately many don't realise it. I didn't, as a parent myself. It's only been since I've been working in schools the past 15 years that I realise what a valuable job they do and how hard staff work, all for the benefit of your child. They aren't doing it for the money, that's for sure.

There is a balance between safeguarding children and harassing a parent unnecessarily. In my experience, I would say this school are doing the latter.

OP kept the school updated as required and knowing the children had D&V, there was no reason for her to even contact the school again for the next 48 hours as they would know the children would not be attending. Phoning OP every day even after she had already made contact is OTT and obsessive.

Children should not be sent to school when testing positive for Covid, whether it's government guidelines or not, you have to think of other people. There may be vulnerable children or staff at that school who could become quite unwell if they contracted it. Additionally, it is quite easy for the illness to last a week in multiple children within the same household. My step son and his step sister both had Covid and were off school the whole week with a high temperature etc.

I have never (in my 20 years of being a parent) had this type of response from a school regarding absence and I completely understand why the OP is irritated. The school appear to be making her feel guilty and implying some form of neglect with no evidence to base that on.

i mentioned not answering only because she would have spoken to them that morning already (Fri morn, assuming they’re not returning on Fri) and told them that they’d be back on Monday so no need to again have a repeat conversation after having the same conversation twice a day already for four days. I didn’t mean never pick up calls from school but again deliberate mid interpretation of posts going on. Of course school should be safe guarding but I’m talking in this instance it’s being repeated twice a day. If school think the children are in danger then they can escalate it but they’ll be in class on Monday so they’ll see for themselves. Two children have missed four days so far because they are poorly - I think more evidence is needed to claim there’s a safe guard risk at home.
Don’t assume what I do or don’t do for a living. Many people are running away with themselves here.
I know that many schools will do many calls to put pressure on for attendance.

And while so so many schools have the children’s best interests at heart , there are some that are failing children and attendance figures and budgets come first. Let’s not pretend they don’t. Please note that I said “some”, just so we’re clear on what I’ve written .

Think the issue is that the school don't know you, so they have no context for this. If I were in their place, I'd be doubtful that the children were ever going to appear - not necessarily that you were an abuser but just that you might be screwing them around while trying to get them in elsewhere.

How many times in your 20 years of parenting have you had all children due to start a new school after the holidays miss the first days?

Because that’s the issue for the school.

not the illness. The timing (statistically two of the riskiest times for children are school holidays and moving school).

There is 30-35 kids in a classroom they have already been failed. A teacher can not teach that many children and work with different abilities and expect them all to get through. Parents have to be the teachers and not rely on the teachers at school to teach your children.

You're definitely trolling now. What a waste of my fucking time. I've worked a 9 hour day with no breaks for not much above minimum wage and am kicking myself that I've fallen for this shit.

Are you actually being serious? Dad was looking after them when op was on the train having a phone call. When dad was on plane another day then grandmother was with the children as op had back to back calls/meetings.

I think it is quite rare for children to be sick enough to be off a whole week- so it is a bit of a red flag. DS has been off for a week once- when he had his appendix out- never for a d&v /virus - most children when they had covid weren't that sick - it was only the rules that meant that they had to be off- so i would be a bit surprised

Don’t disagree with you there at all but there are so many that still do they’re very best and are hot on safeguarding and there are some that put attendance figures , ofsted etc above the needs of the children. So so many SEN children failed and are being home educated in droves. So some schools do carry out hassle calls for attendance - maybe this school is one , maybe not. Children will be back on Monday anyway. Op was annoyed- so what ? Let her be as it was irritating to have same conversation twice a day all week. She gets it maybe safe guarding but it’s still annoying to explain your decision to keep them off school twice a day all week.

violetskypurple
What lie have I told??

In your OP you said DH was on a plane

Then you said No I didn't say he was on a plane, I just told MN that to avoid the 'why couldn't DH have rang' question

….still not getting where I’ve lied??

🤯