To be annoyed at kid’s new school hounding me when they’re ill

[MytosisIs]

We recently moved and so DC are attending a new school. First day was supposed to be Monday.

On Sunday they tested positive for COVID. I had it earlier in the week and really suffered.
I tested them as they were coughing, had a high fever and even D&V.

I rang on Monday morning to say they’d be missing the first day. They said they don’t recommended children are tested but said “You’ve done it now though”. I said well I still very much test for COVID because whilst none of us are vulnerable, other people may be and it’s them I’m protecting.

anyway it’s now Thursday and as requested I rang every day and updated them. But really it’s just ‘they’re still I’ll and have COVID’.

They’ve run me back every single day to discuss ’an update on the kids’. I just repeat myself from what I leave on the voicemail.

Yesterday I was on a train (I’m now negative and have been for some time) and they heard the announcement and asked where I was. When I said was on a train they asked if I’d left my kids on their own!! I said “no they’re 6 and 9!” And they asked who was watching them - their dad!!!

Today I emailed to say I have back to back meetings so can’t call but the kids remain to be ill (DH was on a plane at this point). Again they called me, which I missed. So I found a window to call them back and they again were strange and said “They have been ill for so so long now” (5 days!) asking when it started etc.

Im starting to get pissed off. I’m thinking of pulling them out and enrolling them in another school which we were also offered and according to the receptionist still have places.

AIBU to be annoyed at their persistence? Would they rather I sent sick COVID-infected kids into school? In their old school they were great and just said “We will see them when they’re better, keep us updated”.

I have explained to you the reasons - you’ve chosen not to read them. Obviously deciding you know more about safeguarding than the people who do it for a job and the school who will have their records. As I said - quite the feat.

Because theyre being weird about it?

How the fuck have we got to the point where we are treated like abusers and liars for keeping our kids home when they are literally ill with covid.

As if parents who do abuse their children tell the truth when asked!

“The fact that it’s the beginning of term doesn’t mean a thing”.

Suggest you read back. People have already explained more than once that abuse is more common in the holidays, children are kept off until bruises fade, and abusive parents try to avoid scrutiny by moving schools.

Nobody’s seen these children since they left their last school. As another previous poster explained, calling to follow up on a voice mail gives you the opportunity to potentially hear the children in the background, see if mum sounds sick, stressed, or potentially off on a jolly to Ibiza having left her kids at home with a teenage babysitter. Or, yes, on a term time holiday. Which, whatever your thoughts on the matter, schools have a responsibility to record so that they can keep as many children in education as much of the time as possible.

And you have no idea if the children’s attendance at the previous school was good or not. Perhaps it wasn’t.

I’m sure this thread has moved on hugely as I only read the first couple of pages but seriously ‘kids haven’t turned up’ that expression is used when someone is expected and hasn’t arrived WITHOUT any message or notice. The OP told the school, update the school. Wasn’t ‘out and about’ was commuting for work perfectly normal. Whatever their concern they should have voiced it like we are concerned that the kids may have started school elsewhere or are being intentionally kept away rather than questioning the OP with passive implication and doubt. FFS what more could the OP have done once having decided that due to COVID they as parents have decided to take the more cautious but also reasonable approach. OP I like to be supportive and not suspicious but without a doubt record what you have proactively done and write what and when they have called because any more of this it might get a little itchy scratchy and should you need to present your reason for the frustration you have a clear unemotional record. Except of course u may have moved them by now as I didn’t follow thread

It is safeguarding. If you read a serious case review it’s often because professionals have accepted adults reasons or something has not been chased up.

You haven’t explained the bit I’ve asked about. You’ve alluded to other things. But I was specifically asking about how the process of calling the OP each day and getting her to repeat herself guarded against disguised compliance if her story isn’t then being verified in any other way.

I have explained clearly; yet you said I’d changed my posts. Noticed you’ve back tracked on that as I haven’t. I’ve been consistent all along. Absolutely fascinating someone who I’d spend the time writing 6 or so paragraphs arguing why op is right to be outraged. Especially when you’ve been told multiple times but multiple people the reasons. Truly bizarre and over invested behaviour. At least those in the job of safeguarding are quite clear on what is as risk and what isn’t. You’ve been told by other posters too, so you crack on.

Sounds like a stressful week, and I’m sure you will be able to build a good relationship with the school moving forward.

I think it sounds great that they are so involved and interested in the wellbeing of their pupils. They are doing everything right to make sure their pupils are safe, just as you are doing the right thing keeping your children safe and healthy. Just unlucky timing in a new setting.

The school is trying to care for your kids, thry don't employ someone just to annoy you

Change your thinking to make it about your children not about you

I dont think you’re being unreasonable at all. I would be rightly pissed off also. And all those bleating on about red flags is bullshit. Your kids are sick, keep them home and keep the school updated every couple of days. I would be rightly pissed if they questioned me about having left my kids home alone. Like do they ring parents everyday of the school holidays too to check in on the kids to see if they ok and make sure they are not being left home alone?

I think it’s because DFE/LA are so incredibly strict on attendance that schools now pester the life out of people. We’re constantly getting messages on parent hub about this.

Plus, I got an Amazon voucher & a book voucher ‘awarded’ to me by the headteacher in a strange assembly thing for apparently sending my kid in everyday. You wouldn’t give out a voucher unless you had to report these figures babk to someone surely.

I would ring them, say they won’t be in today then ignore your phone (you’re looking after your poorly kids). No need to keep speaking after you’ve reported them obsent.

I wouldnt care. Theyll be back at school next week and it will all blow over. If 'relevent authorities' want kids in school while infected with covid, thats a bit odd.
I dont tend to answer the phone to school when im at work. Ill check the voicemail and call back if its important

Someone did explain this. An unannounced phone call gives you the opportunity to potentially hear the children in the background, judge the tone of voice of the mum - stressed?, scared?, drunk? - that you don’t get from a voicemail she placed under her own controlled circumstances.

The school will have a protocol. It may be on day 5 (so tomorrow) triggers a home visit. Day 1-4 may be just a phone call. You're not going to 'catch them' using disguised compliance from one phone call. Its all about building up a record, which may include daily phone calls.

And FYI the same story word for word can be as much a sign of cover up as changes in a story. Naturally we use different words/phrases when retelling. The same words would suggest a rehearsed response which would be a red flag too.

You should just have said they are sick. Covid is often very mild now and not worth staying off school for. But if they are actually ill for whatever reason fair enough.

I would also be really irritated by this. As a child basically every year I would catch flu and have a week off school for it, or severe tonsillitis, or a bunch of other things. Once I was older my immune system picked up and my attendance was basically 100%. But to say it's highly unusual for kids to be ill for a week is nonsense.

Also I totally understand the safeguarding aspect but that doesn't mean they need to assume you are leaving the kids home alone, there are ways of asking politely e.g. 'Would you mind letting me know who is caring for the children currently please as the school has a duty to make sure they are ok' etc. I would rather they checked up every day just in case, to protect vulnerable children, but I'd also expect them to be cognisant of the fact that it feels pretty intrusive, so at least be polite to you.

Whilst I understand the example of avoiding a kid starving to death as their lone parent has suddenly died, I'm also not sure how expecting you to call in every day would e.g. protect kids from FGM as a pp mentioned, surely as an abusive parent you could just phone in and lie that they had a bug? Unless the school actually visits and sees they aren't there how would they know they hadn't been shipped off for forced marriage or FGM or whatever?

I would be thankful you have a school that actually cares. If my school asks why my dc is not in school or what they have. I do not get angry or defensive about it. It is their job to ask these questions. Sometimes I forget to email the school to let them know when one dc is being kept home and then I get a call or email. I then explain the reasons. One time I decided to keep my 3 year old home and said she was not well so I am keeping her home. They asked what is wrong with her. My response, she vomited during the night and I am keeping her home to make sure she is okay. No questions asked after that.

One thing that doesn't seem to have been mentioned - or I missed it if it was - is that apart from abuse, it's common for parents to take children out of school for holidays as they're cheaper in term time. Two siblings being off for a week is a very suspicious from that point of view. That's why they asked where the OP was - they were suspicious that the children weren't sick at all, but rather were out and about travelling somewhere. While that's not an abuse situation, it's still a safeguarding issue as the children are missing school when they shouldn't be.

I have to say the question 'Why would I lie about my children being ill?' is a spectacularly naive question, I really can't believe an adult would ask that - how can you get to 25+ and not realise that some people lie about things like that? Can an adult really have such little knowledge about the world?

But this isn't OP's situation!
She did inform the school and has stayed in contact. She has now been excessively harassed & questioned by the school.

That's what's not appropriate, unlike in your situation where you didn't contact them so they rang to ask you for details.

Like schools haven’t enough to be doing than dealing with people like you. All they’re trying to do is their duty by some children they don’t know that should have started school almost a week ago but haven’t, and minimal family history/info means they’re erring on the side of caution. If I were in your situation, I’d be inwardly a bit frustrated but ultimately grateful for their diligence.

4 days off is quite a long time and so I understand that they’ll phone to check in on the 3rd or 4th day but I don’t get why they rang on Monday or Tuesday if you’d already said they were poorly.

How long have they been off school in total?

You say you’ve recently moved, so did they have time off in their previous school due to the move and so in total they’ve had longer off?

Also, it is pretty unusual for 2 kids to be so sick with covid (a virus which basically the whole country has had multiple times) for a whole week. Some kids are obviously sicker than others but mine (2 and 3) have NEVER been sick for an entire week. And when they’ve had covid it’s been a mild snuffle or symptomless. So I can see why it’s a red flag - it’s unusual.

Man. I've never seen an absolute non issue turn into such an issue before.
OP, they are doing their jobs. End of. Stop getting yourself so wound up. You know you're doing your absolute best as a parent so please respect that they too are doing their absolute best as a school.
No one is accusing anyone, everyone is doing their job EXACTLY how they should.
Don't take it personally.
And breathe! X

Unusual for you & your kids. My kids also have been sick but not dreadfully so with Covid.

However a colleague's DC this week alone missed 1.5 weeks of school having had Covid which led to some secondary respiratory issues. It's really not all that unusual.