To be annoyed at kid’s new school hounding me when they’re ill

[MytosisIs]

We recently moved and so DC are attending a new school. First day was supposed to be Monday.

On Sunday they tested positive for COVID. I had it earlier in the week and really suffered.
I tested them as they were coughing, had a high fever and even D&V.

I rang on Monday morning to say they’d be missing the first day. They said they don’t recommended children are tested but said “You’ve done it now though”. I said well I still very much test for COVID because whilst none of us are vulnerable, other people may be and it’s them I’m protecting.

anyway it’s now Thursday and as requested I rang every day and updated them. But really it’s just ‘they’re still I’ll and have COVID’.

They’ve run me back every single day to discuss ’an update on the kids’. I just repeat myself from what I leave on the voicemail.

Yesterday I was on a train (I’m now negative and have been for some time) and they heard the announcement and asked where I was. When I said was on a train they asked if I’d left my kids on their own!! I said “no they’re 6 and 9!” And they asked who was watching them - their dad!!!

Today I emailed to say I have back to back meetings so can’t call but the kids remain to be ill (DH was on a plane at this point). Again they called me, which I missed. So I found a window to call them back and they again were strange and said “They have been ill for so so long now” (5 days!) asking when it started etc.

Im starting to get pissed off. I’m thinking of pulling them out and enrolling them in another school which we were also offered and according to the receptionist still have places.

AIBU to be annoyed at their persistence? Would they rather I sent sick COVID-infected kids into school? In their old school they were great and just said “We will see them when they’re better, keep us updated”.

And yeah, they probably are thinking unauthorised absence or term time holiday, but they have to ask because IT MIGHT NOT BE. And safeguarding shouldn’t be based on people hoping or assuming the best.

The assumptions inherent in this are pretty striking and indicate a lack of joined up thinking about family life and abuse.

There is nothing odd about a parent being out of the house when their children are ill. the vast majority will have at least one parent out of the house when they are ill. and being able to tell over the phone that a parent is out of the house is hardly a good way to catch the fact if it is a concern. As though any parent who is responding from a quiet office, or the loo ant work, etc. and doesn’t mention any other ties on their time couldn’t have just as easily left their child at home (with or without a carer). If this is a concern then the school should be asking parents to include information on how children will be cared for when they call in sick every time. Not simply jumping on a parent when there’s something that doesn’t match a 1950s housewife vibe.

She has been consistent day after day. She told them at the start what was happening, she’s called in every day and her “story” hasn’t wavered. And we are specifically talking here about the risks of disguised compliance - consistent stories that are then not verified are one of the hallmarks of how disguised compliance gets missed. So calling up and asking her to tell them again is not a good way of safeguarding against that.

The whole thing seems antagonistic and unsupportive without being effective.

I’ve just spent another day in Safeguarding training- I’m a Safeguarding lead.
This has safeguarding red flags all over it and they are doing their job properly.

It’s unfortunate circumstances but they are doing everything right here.

It does. I can’t help you anymore if you don’t understand how safeguarding processes work and the record keeping which builds the bigger picture for action.

Id just ignore the calls at this point.

I get you OP.

Why they should assume that you are an abuser by default?

And how patronizing it is to ask you who is looking after the kids. I would have complained already!

make reasonable enquiries to establish the whereabouts of the child

🤦🏻‍♀️ there's no need to make any enquiries - OP rang & informed them where the children were & why they were missing school. She has kept in regular contact.

That approach would surely only be required if the children didn't turn up at all, and no communication had been received.

Quite amazing you can draw that conclusion. When the school will know the full story and have all the potential myconcerns/cpoms.

@MytosisIs

Not for the first time, I'm grateful I'm in Ireland and the system is nothing like this.

Of course YANBU.

Of course the school has a duty of care, but at present you are demonstrably meeting the requirements, dealing with sick children & communicating with the school.

Sorry for the really odd comments you've had on this thread.

Because that will really stop the school informing the appropriate authority.

I’ve said I understand the record keeping. I wasn’t asking about record keeping.

The bit that isn’t explained is how asking a parent to repeat something they’ve already told you without then verifying what they’ve said in other ways keeps a child safe if the concern is that the parent might be lying.

If you don’t understand that either, then fair enough. But don’t pretend that’s all explained with a wave of a hand.

i think its ott to ring you back every day after youve already rang in

dont worry theres a strike next week they wont give a shit then

It really is.

Yes if they were ok with it. But if I’ll then no. My kids school will ring daily also, just what they do.

“She has been consistent day after day. She told them at the start what was happening, she’s called in every day and her “story” hasn’t wavered”.

I didn’t say it hadn’t. But if they hadn’t called, they wouldn’t know either way, would they?

And why should the school assume that dad is at home? OP called the children in sick, not dad, so how are they to have the first clue whether dad is present at all? They ask, and the OP answered.

Now, if social services had rocked up on her doorstep on day 2, you’d have a point, but I really don’t get the outrage at them asking them question. What’s the alternative? Assume/hope for the best?

As previous posters have said, if this goes on, then someone will turn on the doorstep (there was a post last week about a school that did exactly that, and the poster then thought that was outrageous too). But in the meantime the answer is not to ask no questions because she might be a good lier.

What full story? Are you trying to say this must actually be justified because of a backstory and other concerns that the OP must have not mentioned?

Because that would be a significant change from your comments up until now.

Except an email doesn't guarantee the children are where mum says they are. By ringing, you are not just double checking the story, you're hoping to hear children in the background, check parents are well, check parents mood, pick up on millions of subtleties that you can't from an email.

This is a concern. Both children have been absent 100% of their time. A child that has been to school for a while and is off for a week ill would not receive the same check ups because the pattern of attendance would be well established.

Possibly. You have no idea what safeguarding data may have been logged which raises extra flags. It isn’t - it’s exactly what I’ve said all along.

5 days is a long time for kids to be too ill to attend school though.

Out of curiosity, could you explain why this is red flags? I’m genuinely very shocked that this would be ‘red flags all over it’ and you are a safeguarding lead. Is this really part of your training? I don’t think the OP should be thinking of changing schools. But I don’t think she is displaying a single red flag.

The OP is taking care of her kids health and keeping them appropriately out of school. And updating every day. The fact that it’s the beginning of term doesn’t mean a thing. The school would have the previous schools attendance record and anyone can fall ill, even the beginning of term!

There are no other indications of neglect or abuse at all.

Where are the red flags?

It’s worrying as I don’t often feel that schools do enough about safeguarding. It’s’ tricky I know, but it’s picking up patterns with children surely isn’t it? Of neglect or abuse. If it’s all on ‘how dare you keep your kids home with covid’ then that is ignoring the very real red flags elsewhere?

Not with Covid tho? Anyone with Covid here recently has had quite bad doses.

If you think a wave of the hand is really an explanation for anything at all, let alone a question about the mechanics of safeguarding, then it’s no wonder inquiries into safeguarding failures frequently find that professionals are more interested in filling reports and ticking boxes than determining what is actually going on in children’s lives?

If someone was going to hide their kids away why would they even bother enrolling them in school? Genuine question. Surely you'd just pull them out of their old school, move house, and "home school" (or abuse!) them.

I couldn't be arsed with this either to be honest. There's a line between safeguarding and parental authority. If I tell you my child is ill and they won't be in this week because it's already Wednesday, they've been throwing up all night so would need to be off Thursday anyway, and there's no point sending them back for 3 hours on Friday then I'd expect that to be the end of it. I won't be calling again and don't expect to be called. My school are fine with this (probably- I don't really care if they're not).

@SSpringCherryPie

1. Absence after a school holiday
2. Absence after a change of school
3. Both children ill at the same time so neither have been seen for a week
4. Longer absence than is usual with the illness mentioned
5. Mum is the one to contact the school re:absence but isn't with the children when contacted
6. No signs of children during phone calls so no way to check they are OK

Those are the obvious ones. Possibly more if we were privy to files/conversations.

Covid is still flooring lots of people I personally know including my own family. We had to be off for at least a week being very poorly with it.
having said that, the school has a duty of care that check on the children.