Husband's brother not invited his step-child

[JaynesSmalls]

I got married 4 years ago and my husband became my child's stepfather. My child is 13, and doesn't see their father. My husband has nieces and nephews either side of this age.

My child is sadly my husband's only chance of parenting.

His brother is getting married in a late afternoon early evening wedding in a world famous hotel. They are having 60 people there. Apparently this has been planned for the last two years but we only found out about this a month ago just days before the invitations went out. He told my husband after a night out (he had told their sister that afternoon).

The invitation stated just our names with no mention of my child.

I got it, it's a world class venue and a reasonably small wedding. I totally get child free weddings especially given the time of it. I found out yesterday that husband's sister's kids are invited. Mine clearly hasn't because they are a step-child. I feel quite heartbroken.

My husband asked yesterday if my child could be extended an invitation but was refused. A kicker came a minute later when brother was asked if there was a drop out could they come and brother said if there were drop outs relatively new work colleagues would be invited.

No idea if this is relevant but I want to put my cards on the table so any advice I get will be informed by the facts. My first wedding was massive and as my dad later told my cousin it cost a grand for every month it lasted. My wedding to my husband was in a registry office with just our parents so the sibling who has invited us wasn't invited to ours.

The OP is odd - brags about the cost of her first wedding. Excludes siblings who live in the same town (including one who loves a big wedding) from her micro wedding. Feels her child is entitled to an invite to a world class venue. The only child my husband will ever have. Odd, odd, odd

I find your take on it odd but each to their own and all that.

Agree. The saying “fur coat and no knickers” springs to mind!

This is 100% my last post. I am amazed by the number of responses.

I am again 100% not leaving anything out. The in-laws are not unpleasant to me or my child and both parents-in-law and sister-in-law have said that they would have invited my child but don't feel that brother-in-law did anything wrong.

I don't understand the 'red flag' comments, am I meant to be a danger to my husband? He can't have kids of his own, I mention my first wedding not to brag but as a reason why we wanted a small wedding.

World class venue is think The Goring, The Savoy, The Dorchester, you get the idea. I think of these venues as World Class.

There is no class or heritage differences between me and my child and my in-laws as some contributions have suggested.

The first time I met his sister we had been invited to dinner, we thought that my child - the same ballpark age as hers - was invited too. There was some embarrassment when we all turned up but my child was accommodated. Her kids were in another part of the house with their friends having ordered pizza and they were watching the final of a talent show. My child was not asked to join them and when one of them came down was friendly but didn't show any particular notice of someone the same age. Nothing has changed, they will chat when they are together but no warmth etc.

I have explained that we were given just under 3 months' notice of the wedding, along with everyone else, as I have explained the couple didn't want wedding talk to dominate conversations.

I don't believe that BiL made a fool of himself during his speech, quite the opposite in fact, he is a bit of an orator. I also hold out no hope that anyone there thought he had made the wrong decision, quite the opposite in fact. I think the wider family and one or two of his friends think that we are asking a lot that my child be treated the same as his biological nieces and nephews.

My child doesn't really know the ins and outs of what has happened but thinks DH and BiL have had a bit of a row about something else.

So there we go. I don't really think it will have any long term consequences for us as a family or for DH and his siblings.

Well OP, it sounds like you're OK with everything as it turned out. Almost like now you're defending the actions of the whole clan.

I never considered your mentioning your first upscale wedding or BILs world-class wedding as anything other than explaining the situation. There are people that see everything as either bragging or offensive, and I usually try to take them with a grain of salt. And you were very clear about B and SIL harboring no ill will about your wedding. I cringed everytime someone brought it up yet again.

I do think, however, that it would have saved a lot of time had you given more info initially, like "no class or heritage difference" or that the in-laws are pleasant to both you and your son. Those were important details, especially after telling us that in 4 years he's never been invited nor have they ever accepted an invitation. There's a disconnect here.

BIL may be a great orator and perhaps he didn't make a fool of himself to those attending, but if he in any way implied that his brother was not there because his stepson was not invited, he is a jerk!

The person I feel sorry for is your husband. His brother does sound like a jerk. Regardless of whether or not BIL regards a stepchild as “family” your husband clearly does and his brother and sister should respect that and treat your child as your husband does. It’s their lack of respect for their brother that’s the issue here.

It’s their wedding, they can invite who they want BUT they’ll have to own the consequences of their choices.

My DD has been left out of invites and I won’t forget it. It’s perfectly natural (and therefore reasonable) to feel upset and disappointed.

I maintained the party line, attended and was polite - but relations remained frosty for quite a while afterwards!

I wouldn’t go. And my sons step dad, my partner l, also wouldn’t go I think.

Best way to tell a child it's not important..