I've baked my last cake

[Anycrispsleft]

I live in Germany (not by choice, DH got a job here after redundancy). I have two preteen girls and I work about 45 hours a week. Averagely busy. Like I would guess most working parents, particularly mums, most my the weekend is taken up with housework, shopping, home admin etc.

We get frequent (once every 2 months or so) requests from school and the kids' hobbies to bake cakes for cake sales. I've done probably like about 50 cakes at this point. I've never liked it - I don't enjoy baking very much, or having to give up my own time, and I don't think we should anyway be asking strangers for money for things like the kids' school trips when most of the parents in our area are pretty well off (and I would happily offer to cover the costs for another child and have offered to do that in the past).

The latest request came in over Easter and we were away so I didn't see it till I was on the way home. Now I've just got a WhatsApp from the bake sale organiser telling me I have passed the deadline for replying and what cake am I supplying?

AIBU to message her back saying I don't have any time, but here's my husband's number, they can ask him for once? Or just ignore? Or supply a last minute cake? I don't want to piss them off bc the kids enjoy the hobby. I just don't want to do it! I get to Subday night every week and all I have done is work. I don't want to do any more stuff I don't need to.

@Anycrispsleft All of the hugs and so much empathy. You’re right… they don’t get it. I think in comparison, they are accustomed to much more wider family support than we are anyway. I also felt that they took any opportunity to throw the boot in and point out any perceived “cultural difference” regardless of the circumstance. (It felt like they took every opportunity to get this message across “We want you to want to be one of us, but we want you to know that it’s never, ever going to be possible.”) I went straight from looking after Dad with MND to mum who had MH issues, end-stage COPD, then lung cancer. It was about ten constant years of travelling to and from, with and without little kids and frankly, I’m still resentful seven years later. If you want to PM me and have a whinge about it all to a very understanding ear, feel free 🤎

It’s not just the making of the cake, it’s the shopping for ingredients, decorating it etc. I’d definitely just say I’m not able to produce bakery items out of my arse on demand, I’ll contribute to the next sale.

This is missing the point - she doesn’t want to do it anymore, she’s fully capable of baking a cake😊

Next time just tell them you had mild D&V and they won’t want you anywhere near a cake mixture. Magen-Darm is a fabulous excuse for not baking things.

Yes @Cotonsugar - as has been pointed out many times already on this long thread started days ago ☺.

I would bake one cake per year and if another activity would allow you to contribute to the school fundraising with money I would just do that and add a bit of extra cash. Responding to the group outlining that you don't have the time will be accepted by 50% of the group who are in a similar position but someone in the other 50% will take your response and use it to push their fundraising agenda. You will gain nothing from the interaction.

Just ignore the request.

Dear ..... Things are pretty hectic at the moment so I don't have time to bake just now. Please could you take my name off the cake baking rota? I will let you know when I have the time to bake again. However, if you do find yourself short of cakes for a fundraiser, please let me know and I will buy one and send it in!

Have a nice weekend @bibbitybobbityyhat 😊

Don’t even reply. Working 45 hours raising two children and running a house, that’s plenty to keep you busy.

i admire people who choose to do community fundraising. I Don’t feel guilty that I don’t do it. At all.

if they have expectations that you should contribute well those expectations are theirs to manage.

Oh yes Magen-Darm, that will get you out of almost anything!!

Hey, does anyone want to see the Cake of Resentment?

There were only a couple of slices left so I didn't need to do the walk of shame where they give you back your three quarters unbought cake with a pitying smile

For those people saying, "Just buy a cake. Germany has great bakeries..etc...": It's bloody expensive getting a cake from a bakery or buying some slices. They tend to be about 2-3€ per slice, depending on what you get. No way would I do that for a bake sale.

I completely get this. I love baking but on my time with my children but not for fetes etc. I would buy one sorry . Perhaps not a shop bought one find someone that can make you a cake. Might even be someone that would do it for a charity donation I.e church donation etc (sorry thinking as may happen in England) . You could then just get them to make it each time.

Team up with other parents to batch bake cakes, so you only have to do that 1 in 5 times. English tend to enjoy praising German efficiency, so that is your opportunity. (Yes, top bakeries are expensive, but there is some middleground, too, and bakers have to make a living. Also, your hourly wage considering the work of making the cake… It‘s the economy…) Why don‘t they offer a buy-out option? That‘s what schools in California do, Either you do your hours on Open Days, field trips etc or you pay a fee. So families can choose what works for them, and stay at homes may have a lot less money but more time. Cake sales should bot turn into an ideology…

My personal pass agg response is healthy treats. They stop asking pretty quick. If you need a truly appalling vegan recipe may I suggest anything involving tinned chickpeas?

why do children need to learn how to bake a darn cake? Your comment about this being a perfect opportunity for dentists is spot on! There’s far too much sugar eaten for anyone’s good. Forget baking cakes. Forget eating them too.

@Waterbottleallthetime It's not poison or something if someone doesn't have them all the time.

A cake can be quite nice.

@Anycrispsleft ooh nice. What flavour was it?

My personal pass agg response is healthy treats. They stop asking pretty quick. If you need a truly appalling vegan recipe may I suggest anything involving tinned chickpeas?

Chickpeas are pretty bleak. Black beans are maybe worse....with large amounts of frozen spinach.

Does every single child in the school being in a cake? That’s a whole lot of cake to sell… What hobbies do your children do that involve providing cake? Seems very odd??? I have literally never needed to provide a cake for school in the whole time she’s been (now 12) If I did have to provide something I’d take in shop bought bought packets of biscuits of donuts for them to sell…. So people could buy a cuppa and dunk a biscuit.
I would simply be telling them that you were happy and had time while you were a SAHM, but now you’re working 45 hours a week and have other personal things going on, you can no longer contribute.
If someone has the cheek to suggest you’re benefitting without contributing I’d point out you’re happy to donate some money but not your time and walk off….
surely now they’re older you’ve no need to be in school seeing these other women? If hate that and would’ve said from the start that I don’t bake …. My limit is a packet mix that you just add an egg to 😂

Just tell them you dont have time, or offer to buy one for them to take instead.

Just respond to the Whattsuapp with No sorry not this time! You do not have to explain yourself to people who actually don’t care about you, period!!