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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've baked my last cake

322 replies

Anycrispsleft · 20/04/2023 05:52

I live in Germany (not by choice, DH got a job here after redundancy). I have two preteen girls and I work about 45 hours a week. Averagely busy. Like I would guess most working parents, particularly mums, most my the weekend is taken up with housework, shopping, home admin etc.

We get frequent (once every 2 months or so) requests from school and the kids' hobbies to bake cakes for cake sales. I've done probably like about 50 cakes at this point. I've never liked it - I don't enjoy baking very much, or having to give up my own time, and I don't think we should anyway be asking strangers for money for things like the kids' school trips when most of the parents in our area are pretty well off (and I would happily offer to cover the costs for another child and have offered to do that in the past).

The latest request came in over Easter and we were away so I didn't see it till I was on the way home. Now I've just got a WhatsApp from the bake sale organiser telling me I have passed the deadline for replying and what cake am I supplying?

AIBU to message her back saying I don't have any time, but here's my husband's number, they can ask him for once? Or just ignore? Or supply a last minute cake? I don't want to piss them off bc the kids enjoy the hobby. I just don't want to do it! I get to Subday night every week and all I have done is work. I don't want to do any more stuff I don't need to.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Beautiful3 · 20/04/2023 06:50

Think I'd either buy one or just be honest and say, I'm working alot so won't have time to bake.

pussycatinfluffyslippers · 20/04/2023 06:53

"I didn't get your initial message until after we'd been away. I do not have time to supply a cake for this sale."

user1492757084 · 20/04/2023 06:55

Reply honestly.
Sorry, I have not replied as I have no time this week.
I'll either send in a tenner as a donation or the kids can make a packet orange cake. We'll see. It will be a surprise!

Sisisimone · 20/04/2023 06:56

I usually just buy a tray of nice cupcakes from the supermarket

moonspiral · 20/04/2023 06:57

user1492757084 · 20/04/2023 06:55

Reply honestly.
Sorry, I have not replied as I have no time this week.
I'll either send in a tenner as a donation or the kids can make a packet orange cake. We'll see. It will be a surprise!

I'd leave out the sorry. Why should OP be sorry. She's not opted in to the cake baking and now she's being chased for a cake!

MsMcGonagall · 20/04/2023 07:00

problem with just whipping up a cake, is that I don't typically have the full set of cake ingredients in the house. I support you OP to say sorry no time to make a cake.

Bananalanacake · 20/04/2023 07:01

I also live in Germany, sort of not by choice, and I have 2 girls under 10. I'm lucky in that I'm a Sahm and DH pays for a cleaner twice a week. I also am expected to make cakes every 2 months or so, last one was the kindergarten Oster Frühstück. We also run cake stalls in Hagebaumarkt, maybe the kindergarten needs extra cash as the fees are so reasonable, only 150euro a month. I'm astounded at the cost of childcare in the UK. Do you find you can't buy self raising flour in Germany? You have to mix baking powder with the type 405 Mehl.

DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 20/04/2023 07:02

DappledThings · 20/04/2023 06:26

I've only ever made sponge by combining all the ingredients in a bowl and mixing them. Is there another method that's more complicated? I had no idea I was taking a shortcut.

Show quote history

Traditionally you cream the butter and sugar, then eggs one by one, then vanilla essence and milk, then fold in flour. Doing it all at once is a bit maverick but seems to work just fine.

moonspiral · 20/04/2023 07:03

Bananalanacake · 20/04/2023 07:01

I also live in Germany, sort of not by choice, and I have 2 girls under 10. I'm lucky in that I'm a Sahm and DH pays for a cleaner twice a week. I also am expected to make cakes every 2 months or so, last one was the kindergarten Oster Frühstück. We also run cake stalls in Hagebaumarkt, maybe the kindergarten needs extra cash as the fees are so reasonable, only 150euro a month. I'm astounded at the cost of childcare in the UK. Do you find you can't buy self raising flour in Germany? You have to mix baking powder with the type 405 Mehl.

When you say expected - do they just ask hey can you bake a cake? And you can say no? Just OP's cake organiser seems to have just assumed there will be a cake.

LoobyLobbyLou · 20/04/2023 07:09

Definitely just say you can’t this time

ThreeLocusts · 20/04/2023 07:12

Ironic - I'm German, went to school in Germany, and don't remember a single freaking bake sale throughout my time in school.

My kids were in school in the UK for a while and I got so fed up with the whole bake sale business. To my mind, it's a tax in kind and labour paid by women, to make up for underfunding of schools.

So yes tell her no cake this time, or give her DH's details.

Ime Germany still has more SAHMs than Anglo countries, so it may be a way to keep busy for some. Have you come across the term 'Hausfrauenehre'? Often invested in cake.

Fraaahnces · 20/04/2023 07:13

I’d love to know if she would contact your DH! (I lived in the Netherlands - they’d deliberately choose to ignore the sentiment and they’d contact him.)

Perhaps you should send an email stating that from now on if you haven’t replied to one of their many requests for cakes the reason would be because you have been too busy working to prioritize it. They are welcome to extrapolate from your lack response that no cake will be presented.

(These are all very German priorities. Work, priorities, extrapolation… Throw it back into their court. The responsibility will then lie with them.)

onepieceoflollipop · 20/04/2023 07:13

I used to be the mum who made cakes…in those days I worked part time or was on long mat leave.

When I went full time I decided I had to prioritise and this was one of the things I dropped quite easily. (It may not be the same in Germany, but I already knew that very few of the parents baked and some donated shop bought. But far more did absolutely NOTHING towards volunteering anything at all for school or hobbies ever.)

OP you have already done far more than some others will ever do. You are being taken for granted. I’d opt out entirely of one or two and then in future IF you want to, bake or buy an occasional donation. Learn some vague polite responses that you are comfortable using. Such as ‘I’m not able to contribute cakes on this occasion, happy to make a small cash donation this time or send in shop cake if that would help’

VincentVaguer · 20/04/2023 07:13

Just say you don't have time but here's 10 euro

justanotherdrama · 20/04/2023 07:16

I'm really sorry but I don't have time this time round we'll come along and support you and buy one 🤪

Thomasina79 · 20/04/2023 07:17

Not sure if marks and Spencer exist in Germany, but if they do they make wonderful cakes!

other than that, yes give her your husbands number. You have enough to do!

DowntownKingston · 20/04/2023 07:18

Send a box of cake mix.

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 20/04/2023 07:19

More to the point why are you working FT AND picking up all the life admin, where is your husband in all this,

doradoo · 20/04/2023 07:19

Bananalanacake · 20/04/2023 07:01

I also live in Germany, sort of not by choice, and I have 2 girls under 10. I'm lucky in that I'm a Sahm and DH pays for a cleaner twice a week. I also am expected to make cakes every 2 months or so, last one was the kindergarten Oster Frühstück. We also run cake stalls in Hagebaumarkt, maybe the kindergarten needs extra cash as the fees are so reasonable, only 150euro a month. I'm astounded at the cost of childcare in the UK. Do you find you can't buy self raising flour in Germany? You have to mix baking powder with the type 405 Mehl.

I'm also in Germany and my local lidl sells self raising flour, it's a bit on the pricey side though.

I've altered my baking now away from my English childhood faves and tend to use American style recipes as they use plain flour.

Alwaysworryingoversomething · 20/04/2023 07:21

Yerroblemom1923 · 20/04/2023 06:06

Mary Berry does a Victoria sandwich using the all-in-one method. Easy and quick to whip up. Have a look on BBC Goodfood for ingredients and method (basically all ingredients in one bowl, combine with electric whisk and divide between two sandwich tins)

But she doesn't want to make one.

QuinkWashable · 20/04/2023 07:21

I delegate that sort of thing to my youngest now - he's been baking cakes solo (apart from oven when he was younger) since he was about 6! (very motivated. He likes cake)

Plus he's the one that benefits - they normally give a night off homework for anyone bringing in cake.

TBH they normally have too much cake and end up giving away 3 for 50cent by the end of it, which makes no economic sense at all, but I do understand there's value in participation/school spirit.

There's no pressure though - if you don't bake a cake, no-one's going to chase you for it!

InSpainTheRain · 20/04/2023 07:22

"I won't be baking anything but if you are in need of funds send me a donation link and I'll make a small contribution ". Repeat as necessary.

SittingNextToIt · 20/04/2023 07:23

Yerroblemom1923 · 20/04/2023 06:06

Mary Berry does a Victoria sandwich using the all-in-one method. Easy and quick to whip up. Have a look on BBC Goodfood for ingredients and method (basically all ingredients in one bowl, combine with electric whisk and divide between two sandwich tins)

Rather spectacularly misses the point.

The post is screaming “wifework”, “mental load”, “double shift” - as ever, men appear to be free of all of these - no surprise there, and yet somehow - what we need is a recipe for an easy peasy cake.

Deathraystare · 20/04/2023 07:23

If your husband doesn't know one end of the kitchen to the other, I suggest you get him baking a cake. Profer the burnt biscuit " Husband is very proud of his cake baking.....so please call him in future as he is the baker in the family"

determinedtomakethiswork · 20/04/2023 07:23

They are trying to raise money so just give them the money. I never saw the point in me going to the shop, spending pounds and pounds on ingredients for the cakes to be sold for pennies. Cut out the middleman and just give them cash. And swap your husband's email address for your own.

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