I've baked my last cake

[Anycrispsleft]

I live in Germany (not by choice, DH got a job here after redundancy). I have two preteen girls and I work about 45 hours a week. Averagely busy. Like I would guess most working parents, particularly mums, most my the weekend is taken up with housework, shopping, home admin etc.

We get frequent (once every 2 months or so) requests from school and the kids' hobbies to bake cakes for cake sales. I've done probably like about 50 cakes at this point. I've never liked it - I don't enjoy baking very much, or having to give up my own time, and I don't think we should anyway be asking strangers for money for things like the kids' school trips when most of the parents in our area are pretty well off (and I would happily offer to cover the costs for another child and have offered to do that in the past).

The latest request came in over Easter and we were away so I didn't see it till I was on the way home. Now I've just got a WhatsApp from the bake sale organiser telling me I have passed the deadline for replying and what cake am I supplying?

AIBU to message her back saying I don't have any time, but here's my husband's number, they can ask him for once? Or just ignore? Or supply a last minute cake? I don't want to piss them off bc the kids enjoy the hobby. I just don't want to do it! I get to Subday night every week and all I have done is work. I don't want to do any more stuff I don't need to.

‘We have been away and I can’t bake this time around . Welcome to try Dh if you’re short cakes, you should probably have his number and email anyway as he will be doing all family baking for the rest of the year anyway, here they are: etc

im feeling a bit sensitive about the mental load anyway right now and Dh always looking after himself but never wondering if it’s fair for me, so i would definitely be telling every bake sale is his responsibility for 2023 and we will split them after that.

I really love the whole please spend money on cake ingredients,use your gas/electric then please send you kid with more money to buy cake from us thing.

Sometimes I thing it'd be less hassle if they just asked people to donate the money they'd usually spend on making them instead.

Good lord just say no.

Why do so many women on this forum get into knots about saying no? The more we stand up up for ourselves the better. Maybe one day there will be less expectations on us, but as long as we keep being doormats and saying yes to this kind of crap, nothing will change.

Just learn to say no! You don't need to make excuses either, just say 'no, I can't do it this time around'. And don't apologise. It's your time OP, it's up to you how you use it.

Agree - where I live doesn't have SR flour either. Most cake recipes I make don't ever ask for SR flour, just normal or cake flour and baking powder.

And as for the directness, I would rather someone be direct to me rather than the english way of 'oh sorry, pardon, sorry yes'. Ugh. I like directness, at least you know where you stand.

There are rude people in every country.

It all makes raffles and sponsored events look relatively attractive.
I don’t think bake sales make much sense. The cakes tend to be underpriced, as others have said, and people may be buying them out of duty.
Cakes work if you are doing tea and cake as part of some other activity such as a village fete or open garden and the cake is then sold by the slice at a decent profit.

I still want to know if all the children's fathers get emails about the cakes they've failed to produce.

We always took a literal approach to these requests: weighing up time and cost taken to make a cake (that probably wouldn't be very nice) vs the money they actually want, we used to send back a £5 note (£10 for 2 kids) stapled to the paper plate they came home with...

I’m a professional cake baker and I got so sick of making gorgeous cupcakes with perfect swirls that I would normally charge £1.50-2 for being sold for 20-50p that I just gave them £5 cash and I’d done my bit without all the bloody fuss.

Say you hadn't got back to them as you're unable to help this time.

Send the kids to the supermarket to buy a tray of plain doing chemical cupcakes and a packet of haribo or lollipops. Tell the kids to stick the sweets in the cakes. All yours will sell first and cost the least £ or effort.

Definitely tell them to contact your husband. That is THE best answer hands down.

I'm rubbish at baking so always used to go for shop bought fairy cakes which I decorated the night before with a tub of buttercream or some fondant icing and decorations in whatever theme was relevant for the occasion/ I felt like. I got away with it for years, another Mum told me that in the same situation Betty Crocker was her best friend.
My SIL lives in Germany, she hasn't mentioned this as an issue but she is the sort of person whose baking gets a bit competitive at the best of times and she owns a Thermomix and a Lidlomix, so it's no biggie for her, whereas I spent 2 days trying to work out how to bake a cheesecake that my DD requested for her birthday as I couldn't find anywhere selling them.

Could you not just buy one?

I would mention this to them that it is too much, can they think of other ways to raise money eg jumble / book sale, non uniform day.
I;m a teacher and we only do this once a year maybe for charity or if we have lots of cakes left over after parties. Even then people mostly buy!

Sounds like that set up has stuck and feedback needs to be given for it to change. Especially as it's not necessary.

They have excellent bakeries in Germany with a choice of fresh excellent cakes.

tell them you'll be supplying an invisible, weightless calorie free cake

Also living in Germany and can relate to this. Elternbeirat never really accept that someone wouldn’t want to do what they were told to do 😂
I gave up after baking several times for cake sales and finding out that my cakes were never actually offered for sale (don’t want to think what happened to them) because they were typical English cakes and not a recognized German variety of cake.

When my DC were at school, most parents just bought them, anyway.

Bake a cake one last time because there's hardly any time left so saying "no" right now might cause problems. Then tell them that you are very busy and unfortunately can't bake cakes in the future but are happy to donate some money.

What would be typical English cakes? Just curious :)

Fruit cake, Madeira, sponge etc. In my area, most typically German (Bavarian) cakes were tray bakes or gateaux

I won’t be baking anything for school, k would just go and buy one. They are bloody cheeky if you ask me.

You've done your bit, stop now, you won't be warded any medals....x

I buy something from the supermarket. But maybe it’s different standards in Germany though. I am not the only one to supply shop bought stuff. A tray of muffins from Tesco, job done.

Love this thread. I live in Pfalz, and it's pretty similar to Baden in culture. I delegated cake baking to my kids. I work full time and have no patience for that kind of nonsense. :) For their clubs and schools it's their problem, and they enjoy baking. We have a kinderleichtes Backbuch with recipes to follow all in photos, or if that fails there is Dr Oetker box cake, with a packet of smarties chucked on top of the icing.

I think it's shocking all that parents are expecting to do, making stuff for homework and now cakes as well.

Just say no. x