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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've baked my last cake

322 replies

Anycrispsleft · 20/04/2023 05:52

I live in Germany (not by choice, DH got a job here after redundancy). I have two preteen girls and I work about 45 hours a week. Averagely busy. Like I would guess most working parents, particularly mums, most my the weekend is taken up with housework, shopping, home admin etc.

We get frequent (once every 2 months or so) requests from school and the kids' hobbies to bake cakes for cake sales. I've done probably like about 50 cakes at this point. I've never liked it - I don't enjoy baking very much, or having to give up my own time, and I don't think we should anyway be asking strangers for money for things like the kids' school trips when most of the parents in our area are pretty well off (and I would happily offer to cover the costs for another child and have offered to do that in the past).

The latest request came in over Easter and we were away so I didn't see it till I was on the way home. Now I've just got a WhatsApp from the bake sale organiser telling me I have passed the deadline for replying and what cake am I supplying?

AIBU to message her back saying I don't have any time, but here's my husband's number, they can ask him for once? Or just ignore? Or supply a last minute cake? I don't want to piss them off bc the kids enjoy the hobby. I just don't want to do it! I get to Subday night every week and all I have done is work. I don't want to do any more stuff I don't need to.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
greenacrylicpaint · 20/04/2023 05:57

just tell them you can't this time. it's fine.
though I like the idea of sharing cake duty with dh.

cocksstrideintheevening · 20/04/2023 05:59

Just buy one?

Gruf · 20/04/2023 06:01

‘I don’t have time but will let you know this week if the kids are willing to bake’

Gruf · 20/04/2023 06:02

it would be easy enough for preteens to bake something independently.

Yerroblemom1923 · 20/04/2023 06:06

Mary Berry does a Victoria sandwich using the all-in-one method. Easy and quick to whip up. Have a look on BBC Goodfood for ingredients and method (basically all ingredients in one bowl, combine with electric whisk and divide between two sandwich tins)

FelicityFlops · 20/04/2023 06:07

What kind of school is this? Does not sound mainstream German, unless things have changed massively in the past 25 years.

UmbilicusSuperficialis · 20/04/2023 06:10

Fuck. That. Shit.

Surely you have already done more baking than most other parents. Sound like they are now taking it for granted.

I have never baked a cake for school.

Malariahilaria · 20/04/2023 06:20

Ridiculous waste of time and money. Yet another expectation from women that seems to perpetuate, a hangover from when women didn't work. I would simply tell them you're not baking any more cakes but they can have five euro towards whichever fundraiser they have on.

PlasticPotPlant · 20/04/2023 06:21

Keep it simple: I am not supplying a cake for this sale.

No need to offer explanations or apologies.

As a lifelong people-pleaser I am finally grasping people can only get away with being CF (which this person is, with the assumption you will supply a cake) if you enable them.

As an aside, the fact this sort of shit always falls to the woman infuriates me.

SuperSange · 20/04/2023 06:24

PlasticPotPlant · 20/04/2023 06:21

Keep it simple: I am not supplying a cake for this sale.

No need to offer explanations or apologies.

As a lifelong people-pleaser I am finally grasping people can only get away with being CF (which this person is, with the assumption you will supply a cake) if you enable them.

As an aside, the fact this sort of shit always falls to the woman infuriates me.

This, totally. Cheeky fucker to ask.

FeetOnly · 20/04/2023 06:24

If the kids are preteens and it's for a hobby, surely they're expecting your DC to bake it?
If you don't want to create issues, buy one and send it in.

DappledThings · 20/04/2023 06:26

Yerroblemom1923 · 20/04/2023 06:06

Mary Berry does a Victoria sandwich using the all-in-one method. Easy and quick to whip up. Have a look on BBC Goodfood for ingredients and method (basically all ingredients in one bowl, combine with electric whisk and divide between two sandwich tins)

I've only ever made sponge by combining all the ingredients in a bowl and mixing them. Is there another method that's more complicated? I had no idea I was taking a shortcut.

Srin · 20/04/2023 06:26

I have never baked for any of the numerous bake sales at school. My DH doesn’t either. No one has ever seemed to mind. It doesn’t really bother me if they do. I contribute to society in other ways.

Beautifulsunflowers · 20/04/2023 06:29

I’m a people pleaser too.
I would keep it on friendly terms - I wish I could be blunt and it’s not happening but I’d hate to be rude!
’Sorry cake boss person, we’ve been away and I don’t have time on this occasion’

PollyThePixie · 20/04/2023 06:36

DappledThings · 20/04/2023 06:26

I've only ever made sponge by combining all the ingredients in a bowl and mixing them. Is there another method that's more complicated? I had no idea I was taking a shortcut.

Show quote history

Yes. The original/traditionalists method is to cream your butter and sugar together then add your flower and eggs gradually whilst continuing to beat. All in one mixes are considered a shortcut and people like myself continue to use the traditional method because it’s how they were taught. I’ve no idea if one method produces better results than the other.

dottiedodah · 20/04/2023 06:36

When my DC were at School,we were encouraged to buy shop bought cake as a precaution .(couldnt verify cleanliness of everyones kitchen or recipes ) Just say you have sent in some chocolate cake (bought)

bibbitybobbityyhat · 20/04/2023 06:36

I can see why you're irritated but is it really that hard to say "I didn't reply to the request for cakes as I won't be making one this time " in a WhatsApp group? You sound like an intelligent woman with a responsible job. Have you really not got it in you to just say no?

BobbinThreadbare123 · 20/04/2023 06:40

"Ich werde für diese Kuchenverkauf keinen Kuchen backen"

PortiasBiscuit · 20/04/2023 06:40

I can whip up a batch of flapjacks in Under 5 minutes, ( not including baking time). Stick them in muffin cases to save dirtying a baking tin.
Still a fantastic stand by.
However in this case I would be stating that I am unable to contribute.

AlexisR · 20/04/2023 06:42

Yerroblemom1923 · 20/04/2023 06:06

Mary Berry does a Victoria sandwich using the all-in-one method. Easy and quick to whip up. Have a look on BBC Goodfood for ingredients and method (basically all ingredients in one bowl, combine with electric whisk and divide between two sandwich tins)

I don't think a recipe for an easy cake is what OP was hoping for - that's very easy to find! I think she's fed up of being asked to do it, period.

OP, if you don't want to bake then don't. Just tell them you can't do it this time.

EatYourVegetables · 20/04/2023 06:45

@Yerroblemom1923 what a spectacular way to miss the point

purplepapaya · 20/04/2023 06:45

PollyThePixie · 20/04/2023 06:36

Yes. The original/traditionalists method is to cream your butter and sugar together then add your flower and eggs gradually whilst continuing to beat. All in one mixes are considered a shortcut and people like myself continue to use the traditional method because it’s how they were taught. I’ve no idea if one method produces better results than the other.

Show quote history

I've done both - the traditional way definitely makes a lighter cake less likely to dip in the middle when baking.

The 'mix it all together' method usually works just fine as well though, and cake is cake at the end of the day!

ShoesoftheWorld · 20/04/2023 06:46

The preteens do it or you get a few assorted pieces of Blechkuchen from a bakery.

Mine have been going on a week-long summer camp thing with a church group for years and the info letter always used to ask which 'Muttis' (yes, really) would be able to bake a cake to bring along. I wrote back one year saying 'Vatis' can bake too and my dh would be baking his special apple cake. The wording changed after that Grin

We have the odd single-class bake sale at the dc's schools, but every two months seems excessive - are these hobby groups sport Vereine? Are they in a lot of different ones?

moonspiral · 20/04/2023 06:48

Yerroblemom1923 · 20/04/2023 06:06

Mary Berry does a Victoria sandwich using the all-in-one method. Easy and quick to whip up. Have a look on BBC Goodfood for ingredients and method (basically all ingredients in one bowl, combine with electric whisk and divide between two sandwich tins)

OP doesn't want to make a cake. She hasn't got time to make a cake. If she'd wanted to "whip up" a sponge she would have replied to the organiser and said "yeah I'll whip up a sponge". I find it quite offensive that on a thread about the extra burdens placed on mum's you have gone oh but here's a quick recipe "just" make this.

Tanfastic · 20/04/2023 06:50

I've only ever made sponge by combining all the ingredients in a bowl and mixing them. Is there another method that's more complicated? I had no idea I was taking a shortcut.

^
Same Confused. massive baker of cakes here 😂