DC don't want me to have another child

[tornmum101]

background: 2 DC from previous relationship with a man. Now in same sex relationship (5+ years)

My DP and I would like to have a baby together using donor sperm in the next couple of years. Both DC make negative comments about this regularly.

would you still have another child? AIBU to do something my DC say they will hate?

@saffy2 there are many threads on here where blended families have not worked out well.

I think at 19 and 15 it will have very little impact

I disagree entirely. I think you underestimate how much impact there will be.

😂🤦🏽‍♀️ wow.
this thread is utterly disgusting from start to finish.

Why aren't you reading the posts from Mumsnetters who have actual experience of this and who all say it had a detrimental effect on them?

I wouldn’t do it and it’s not because your other children have said so. It’s from a purely selfish standpoint in that your children will be leaving home in a few years and personally I would be looking forward to having my life back (ie no school runs, cooking meals for a family, doing what I want when it want etc etc etc). You’ll be starting all over again. I just couldn’t face that now.

I guess most kids of that age would say they weren’t keen if asked. I guess if you’re going to consult them then you do need to take their opinion into account. Doesn’t mean that you don’t go ahead as they aren’t keen but I’d make sure they feel heard given you consulted them. Good luck

Half siblings mean you share either a biological mother or father. You have to share genetic makeup. OP won’t be genetically related to the hypothetical child so her children won’t be half siblings. Adoptive parents and adoptive siblings exist. These are legal terms and adoptive parents have as much parental rights as bio parents (sometimes more).

This hypothetical child would technically be OP’s step child or adopted child considering she’s not the genetic parent but is married to the biological parent. Very complicated situation though.

I know what I’d do if my kids needed me and that I’d be there for them. Not invest in further relationships or remarry and have other babies, no way.

So if you happened to have a child at 16, or you're cheated on by your DH, you wouldn't ever remarry or have subsequent children?

I mean, good for you, really, if you can do that. But it's perfectly fine for life to move on and rebuild your family. It's just about how you go about it and the specifics to each situation.

There's nothing wrong with either of these things. Many children love their new siblings and stepparent. I've been on both sides as this the child and later the parent, and I've seen other families. It's easy to rule it out when you're happily married but many people choose to do xyz when they are actually in the situation

I’m not sure what the issue is to be honest. If you and your partner want a child the you should have one.

No words needed. It is short accurate terminology. 🙄🙄🙄

I know of no broken homes where the parents were in a happy and successful relationship!

The term is still very relevant today and relates to the difficulties single parents and children - face when they are not in a (obviously happy) family unit, -financial, emotional etc. If you choose to view it negatively or personally that is on you not me. No need to police my language dear.

My eldest is 13. We have a deal that every Tuesday he has to sit and spend all evening with me and his step dad…because we don’t see him…he is in his room most of the time or out with his friends 😂 I can’t imagine my suddenly at 15 he’s hanging onto my elbow all the time which would prevent me from feeding a baby…and you can help with homework while feeding a baby so…I’m not getting this reasoning at all!!

I love my half siblings. But this baby wouldn't be related to the OP'S children at all. Step sibling only. I don't think I'd feel related in those circumstances.

For the OP, please don't expect or demand help or babysitting. This would be your responsibility.

I’m from a blended family myself, and I have one myself. 😂🤷🏽‍♀️ it works fine, if you do it properly and work hard at it. My sons dad is also in a blended family there. So my son has two blended families. And that equals 4 adults who adore him…what a tragic childhood he’s having 🙄

Personally think they are old enough to cope with this and I wouldn’t let their comments stop you. They seem pretty typical teenage responses.

YANBU to go ahead and it’s obviously a thoughtful decision in a well established relationship (don’t know why PP have described it as ‘new’ when you’ve already been together 5 years).

They are also not unreasonable to want a hamster😅is there any reason why they can’t have one?!

Sorry but your children won't be related to the new baby at all. Nor will you be genetically. This will be a baby that is genetically your wife and the sperm donor's baby.

Why did you post this? At least read OPs updates

Oh yes it does in my case, no way would I be forging ahead, but that’s just me, raising my kids is no. 1 priority over any new relationships and always will be.

I cannot BELIEVE the ignorance and homophobia on this thread 😱It's like same-sex parents aren't even human!

I'm not often shocked, but some posts here have left me agog.

If you’re going to post about using a donor, you’re going to get comments on that. A lot of people think it’s unethical. If you don’t like it, tough.

“Dear” 🤣 I love it when MNers get patronising in an attempt to add some gravity to what they’re saying.

People who move on instead of staying in miserable, abusive, loveless, or dysfunctional relationships are doing the right thing by their children. If you model martyrdom, you raise martyrs. The amount of utter fuckery I read on here about feckless partners, it can only be a benefit to everyone else in the family to move on.

OP, I wish you so much happiness whatever you decide, and I hope the outpouring of bitterness, judgement and blatant homophobia washes over you. The prissy, holier than thou folk deserve to be left alone with their miserable thoughts while you carry on living your life.

@Blueink I did read the updates. The DW would be carrying the baby so would be 50% hers genetically. The other 50% of genes would come from the sperm donor. So not genetically the OP'S child at all. She said she would legally be a parent which is different.

Given the age of her not so DC, I suspect this is a decision to claim more benefits.

Dick head!

OP I created a thread the other day and had my arse handed to me, my situation was also a little unusual like yours… don’t take it personally. Only the chemical 2 child family,
married parents will do on mumsnet. You know your children best and actually, despite their reservations they sound like great, open minded, kind kids who truly wouldn’t hate a tiny newborn baby. Go with your heart!

I don’t know why you’re getting such a grilling on here op! It’s not selfish to consider this, especially for your partner being she doesn’t have a child…. and you’re just asking for advice! It’s a tough one, as your partner would naturally like to carry her own child and your teenagers should not get to rule her life in this respect, but I can also understand they may feel uncomfortable about it. You know your children and your partner best and all you can do is make your own best judgement call on whether you can all be happy with the decision. The kids may not like it at first, but do you think they may grow to accept a new baby?

Their main worry seems to be they worry they wouldn't have a close relationship as they will be potentially leaving home when child is at primary school.

I have a sister 2 years younger than me, one 10 years younger than me, and one 18 years younger. I didn’t have much of a relationship with the youngest growing up as I left home as soon as she was born and moved hundreds of miles away - more like a favourite auntie who occasionally visits kind of thing. But now we’re all adults, I’m closest to the youngest and we have a proper sisterly bond.

Oh and to the person saying they suspect this is a decision to claim more benefits, you should keep your blummin suspicions to yourself! How dare you??? If you don’t have anything nice to say and all that…..