DC don't want me to have another child

[tornmum101]

background: 2 DC from previous relationship with a man. Now in same sex relationship (5+ years)

My DP and I would like to have a baby together using donor sperm in the next couple of years. Both DC make negative comments about this regularly.

would you still have another child? AIBU to do something my DC say they will hate?

The issue here is just having a second wave of children. A child consciously conceived and presumably legally adopted by op will be her child. The how is not a relevant part of this conversation

@ShelleyPercy I had similar but with four siblings being sprung up on me. Luckily I didn't have to do as much childcare, but the feelings of 'a shiny new family' and feeling a bad reminder absolutely nail it.

Half siblings are great. My children are half siblings. But throw in 10-20 year age gaps, a dislike for the stepparent, and useless parents and it's a bloody mess.

The child is nit adopted ! The child is the oP child as she is married with her part we so just with any other marriages any child born is considered a child from both !

Wow why do you say that ?

Depending how they use the donor, the donor could also have parental responsibility? And the child has a right to know, however the sperm was donated, who that person was

The baby would be a step sibling not a half sibling. I wonder what the reaction will be when the 19yo figures it out.

If your old enough to have grown up conversations, children are saying they aren't happy at the idea...maybe listen to them.

Confused by some of these replies.

Unless your children will be expected to contribute financially, emotionally and whatever other -ally you can think of then its none of their business. Especially at their ages.

YABU for asking them if that isn't the case, most children would say no.

It will massively effect the 15 year old's most crucial exam years having a newborn then toddler in the house. So it's obviously not her decision but that's a pretty massive thing to take into account for OP. Or hopefully is at least.

YANBU. Some of the comments on this thread are disgusting and make far from valid points. As for “the OP needs to put her current children first” 🙄 The 19-year-old is of an age to move on with her/his own life and the other one will be in a few years. If you and your partner want a child, go ahead and have one. Your kids will come around anyway. Also, I hope you are not too upset by the nastiness on here.

Or not. Many siblings loathe each other

The amount of homophobia and projection on this thread is quite something. Kids rarely want another sibling, because change can be upsetting and they will have plenty or fears around it. If you have a good relationship with your kids and are capable of communicating about those fears healthily then the solution lies there, not in giving your children control over how you live your life (which is a terrible example to set). All the stuff around embarrassment etc makes me wonder what planet those commenters live on. A decent percentage of my kids’ primary have same sex parents. No one gives a monkeys. The kids aren’t remotely bothered by it or lumping shame on the children. Because they have been brought up properly. And it’s 2023. Relax OP, communicate with your children openly about their worries and concerns, and remember they are almost adults and perfectly capable of rational thinking, empathy and emotional containment.

I would never let anyone on this earth child or not my child to tell me I cannot have another baby. Do what you want to do not your children they probably won’t listen to you when your giving them advice in years to come and wouldn’t if you told them not to have a child for a certain reason

To be honest I though you were going to say they were much younger. The 19 year old is an adult who will be making their own life soon and the 15 year old is only a few years away from that and should be mature enough to deal with your decision. Go for it OP!

Shocked by the disgusting and ignorant homophobia on this thread. I hope you're OK, OP.
I wouldn't choose not to have a baby at the behest of teenagers, who notoriously change their minds quite easily anyway.

The baby will be a half-sibling. OP will be their mother.

The one does not exclude the other.

It’s a pity you brought in the sex of your spouse and all that. It doesn’t matter and by bringing that into it you’ve opened a can of worms that isn’t actually relevant to the post.

so for clarity. My answer relates to ANY person entering a new relationship wanting to have more children with the new partner when they have children already.

For me it’s a no. The reality is your kids are older and the arrival of a baby will trump their needs. Because let’s be realistic good parents don’t stop parenting just because their kids turn 18. If you want to continue to be invested in them and prioritise them don’t have another baby. If you want to put the needs of your spouse and baby with them ahead of your living breathing kids go for it. But they will get pushed out even with the best intentions.

Why are people not reading the op 🤦🏽‍♀️in the first 5-10 responses there are so many people who just haven’t even bothered to read it properly but then have an opinion worthy of commenting 😂🙄

I think at 19 and 15 it will have very little impact on them. I would do it. And the lady who said I wouldn’t have a baby in a new relationship 😂🙄🤦🏽‍♀️ what a weird thought process. My son was 8 and I had a new baby with a new partner. They are super close and there is no ‘half’ siblings here, they’re just brother and sister. He is now 13 and wants us to have another actually!! 😂

I must be in the minority here. My mum had my youngest sister when both me and my sister was 15 and 12 respectively. Yes it grossed us out as teens thinking about our parents having had sex but it really did not disrupt our lives in the way some people have been saying on here. The 19 year old will be living their own life and the 15 year old will manage just fine in regards to exams etc. If they had a big exam coming up I'm pretty sure both parents would offer a quiet place for study. Their father included.

In regards to babysitting etc we offered it to our parents as in reality we moved on with our lives pretty quickly and moved out in our early 20s. I also offered to babysit while I still lived at home because in all honesty I loved helping with the baby stage. Partly why I'm now a nursery teacher. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I honestly don't think it will be as bad as everyone on here says it will be. Plus just because it's a second relationship it doesn't mean the other person can't have a child just because the other person came with some ready made. The comments of some people are just shocking in regards to this!

They won’t. Half sibling relates to genetic connection not legal connection.

it’s also not a step sister / brother.

im not actually sure what the descriptor is for this.

Through enough? Based on what information, exactly? You’re thinly veiled attempt at judgement is ridiculous

“Broken home” 🤣🤣🤣 Have a word with yourself. What dated, judgemental terminology.

I can’t from a “broken home”. Best thing that ever happened to me was my parents’ divorce

Would people not use half-sibling for adopted children then? Whose definition is this?
OP will be the baby's parent as well as the parent of her other two children, so half-sibling seems the best term.

A boy in my sons class (13) has ‘half siblings’ ( what ridiculousness that we have to label everything on MN) that are my age…they are very close. He goes to stay with them and has holidays with them etc. you don’t need to be the same age to be close with your siblings and actually I have a 2 year age gap with my sister, we don’t speak. I found it incredibly intrusive my entire life that she was right there doing everything immediately behind me and there was no escape from her. She found it incredibly difficult to be doing everything immediately behind me too. We don’t get on. We don’t have any kind of warm or close relationship. At all. Because of our age gap.

Inflicting a blended family on them. Wow some people are so dense it’s disgusting. MN really is full of d*heads.

op, ignore the bigots. And they’re out in force today. Absolute 🛎️ ends. Imagine being so nasty that you can’t cope seeing how happy alternative lives make people and their kids.
not even that alternative these days 🙄 my Mum has 3 kids by two different dads, remarried our step dad and is now with a woman!! 👌🏼 and I’m in my 30s 👍🏼 it’s been totally normal for quite sometime for
marraiges to break up and people still want children…imagine being so sheltered you don’t know that marriages end for all kinds of reasons.

literally disgusting this thread.