To think my husband is being staggeringly selfish?

[SelfishH]

Me and DH have one child together. We have decided no more. It was mainly his decision but I do agree with his reasonings although I'd probably have another if really given the choice but I am fine with just the one too, I don't feel desperately sad about no more if that makes sense.

Basically since having our son two years ago I haven't taken any contraception. I tried so many different things and I rarely got on with anything. The depo injection and the implant both gave me excessive bleeding which was absolutely horrible and I begged and begged to have the implant taken out early which they eventually did. I'll never ever try one of those again.

I cannot take the combined pill due to suffering from bad migraines and it was when I stopped taking the mini pill to conceive our son that I realised just how crappy/spotty etc it made me feel. I am absolutely loath to go back on any form of hormonal contraceptives.

This is where my AIBU is because we've just had an argument this evening where DH is now flat out refusing to do anything other than me taking the pill again. Won't use condoms because it's 'not the same' and won't have the snip because he 'doesn't want someone fiddling with his bits' (welcome to my world mate!) And all I have to do is take a pill.

I've asked him why he thinks I should place hormones in my body every day that I don't want so that he doesn't have to use a condom for 10 minutes. Or why I should have someone 'fiddle with my bits' (🤮 sorry) i.e. The coil so that he doesn't have to have it done to him?

His reaction/reasoning / just general way he's being about this is making me dig my heels in even further because I just think how is this solely down to me? He doesn't seem to give one iota of a shit about the reasons why I don't want to 'just take a pill' or any of the other things so long as he doesn't have to be the one to be inconvenienced at all i.e. by just wearing a bloody condom.

AIBU to think he's a selfish shit. He's said he won't have sex until I take some form of contraception and honestly I do not care, no worries at all! I'm not being blackmailed like that into doing something I don't want to do when he's making no effort whatsoever to discuss what he could also do (and I imagine he'd buckle on the no sex and just use a condom far sooner than I would anyway 😂).

Haha good to have that cleared up 😂

He is selfish. When I finished having children, I told dh I wasn't going on any form of birth control as I felt my body had done enough. He totally understood and got a vasectomy. Birth control is not your sole responsibility and he's an immature man child if he thinks it is. Your body has done enough. It's his turn.

I’m not a violent person but that would make me rage to the point of him having his smug face punched, hard.
Tell him real men have a vasectomy.

He doesn’t sound mature enough to be married, let alone a parent wih his attitude.

If you are 100% sure you don’t want more children even if you ended up in another relationship, would you consider getting your tubes tied?

Why the help should she? Being sterilised is a much more invasive procedure that having the snip, and he's the one who's adamant he doesn't want more dc.

He can be the one to come up with a solution for himself.

**hell

I was responding to some rather glib comments about vasectomy in general. But I guess it could be a problem if, as the OP has clearly indicated herself, he wants to keep his options open too. In that respect my advice to him would be to review the condom option and secure his own fertility, either way.

Your husband sounds backwards and selfish. Unfortunately so many people are. Your reasoning resonates with me, why should you put your body at risk! The deeper issue here is that he is not listening to you and is being dismissive of your thoughts and feelings. Have you considered having some sort of relationship therapy, it might teach him to grow up!

He's said he won't have sex until I take some form of contraception
"Your selfishness is the strongest form of contraception that exists"

The headaches on the pill are horrible!

This exact argument nearly finished my marriage. My DH had a vasectomy.

I cannot take the pill.
I took hormones and injected myself and had very medical pregnancies
I had 4 miscarriages
I had 2 terrible deliveries.

I said I’m done, I need your support and I cannot take anymore. My DH wasn’t for moving until he realised I really fucking meant it. I would have left as the selfishness was beyond my comprehension. Once he realised just how upset (and angry) I was he made his piece with it.

Wavinggoodbyetoo ....... peace

NFP is 99% effective if used properly. The main reason people get pregnant using it is that it's very prone to user error (i.e. people don't want to avoid sex on too many days so they end up having sex on days which are questionable).

I do think your main problem here is your h's refusal to take any responsibility and to try to put all the onus on you. But if you wanted to use NFP long-term, it's an option.

Ha yes indeed. I clearly can’t multi task, but glad you got something out of it ;-)

^ Can’t even quote. I give up!

Well...he's pretty horrible and manipulative. Withholding sex? Tragic.

I'm guessing he's a 'my way or the high way' kind of guy generally and it's worked for him up until now.

Stick to your guns. He needs to get the snip. My DH did, was it fun? Nope. But he didn't want to use condoms and I was fed up with birth control issues and it was the best solution all round.

This was one minor of MANY reasons I divorced my exH. So little thanks or empathy for what I’d put my body through to produce 3 humans (all with massive heads I might add) - plus all the stuff I’d put my body through NOT to produce anymore big skulled humans. Plus my Mum died of breast cancer aged 49.

Wouldn’t ever consider the snip. Absolute selfish twat.

You are so right to stick to your guns.
Love that he tried to explain it to you.
We need regular updates to how long it goes before he wants to talk to you about sex.

Years ago before my DS I was on the pill and I was a mess. My ex was many things but it was him who said no more and used condoms. It's not the same my arse!

My DF had a vasectomy years ago. He was in and out by lunchtime, really cheery and looking forward to a big feast!

I would be as angry as you. You've done all the heavy lifting and he just expects you to continue because of his precious "bits". I would let him and his "bits" go ...

I took the pill for one year and had nausea 80% of the time, so you can add me as another data point for your husband's growing collection of 'every other woman'. I refused to permanently go around worrying I was going to vomit over someone all the time like some kind of giant fly and DH agreed that was no way to live.

You've got a real prize there, OP.

I couldn't even look at him

My GP refused to prescribe any type of pill due to migraines with aura + over 35. The risk of stroke is small but significant.

He sounds incredibly childish and selfish. If he’s the one who doesn’t want another baby then In my opinion it’s down to him to protect himself if you have valid reasons not to.
you gave birth, now it’s his turn to do his part.

It's his pathetic 'reason' for not using condoms that I can't understand

Jeezo. Yes your DH is selfish.

My DH doesn't need to use condoms because I have the coil. Sometimes we still use condoms so I don't have to live with the other after effects!

Yes. Your DH is selfish. 100%.