to not want my family to know how much I paid for my house?

[lightlyseasoned12938712]

Thanks to some good luck when I was younger, I have quite a lot of money saved up. But I've never made this obvious to people I know, partly because some of my family can be quite problematic when it comes to money. I really just don't want any of the attention that I know comes from wealth, so although I've never lied, I've also never done anything that would make my financial situation clear (car, clothes, travel, etc)

I don't think this is going to be possible any more - I've just bought my first house, and although it's not large, it was quite expensive due to the area. I'm happy for people to know I own a house (would prefer they didn't though), but I'd really really like people to think it was cheaper than was the case

Does anyone have any clever suggestions to hide or downplay this purchase? I'm dreading the questions and changes in attitude when I tell people otherwise!!

This. Public domain information, what people won't know is how much you paid v borrowed.

I was just offering possible options. I think Websites say how much the whole house costs but not who.bought it or if it were bought under a scene.
I can't really give an opinion exactly as I don't know the OPs family/friends as to why they want the info to be private exactly.

Expensive house does not necessarily mean you are loaded, might just mean you have a big mortgage! So if you really need to play on that. 'Oh i know rude Aunt Madge, mortgaged to the hilt ha ha ha. Going to be chained to it for years'
Just let them think whatever they want. Haters going to hate!

@Titusgroan sure mine never said the bank plus I've changed providers over the years

I do not see why the op has to lie at all. She doesn't need to make a big thing of it but if asked, there is no reason not to tell the truth. She has done nothing wrong, quite the contrary.

OP, my best advice is to find a decent psychotherapist and spend the same amount of money you would have on a mortgage to strengthen yourself to the point that you can deal with an awful family with integrity and authenticity, but without being adversely affected by them.

I'd do the opposite of playing it down and just be direct and brazen or just not reply to comments about money. Pretend you didnt hear and offer tea.

Especially if they are going to be difficult anyway.

Any body can look it up online, for free. No chance of hiding it.

They can easily look it up online so it would be difficult to hide

you don't have to tell them but you do have to tell us

I think you're overthinking

just downplay any conversation that comes up

they don't know how much your mortgage is or other details

The bank/building society the mortgage is with is on the LR deeds. If there is no mortgage then someone who knows this fact will realise there’s no bank charge listed.

You’re not being unreasonable to want privacy and you obviously have good reason to keep this to yourself. Just to flip it slightly, I think anyone pressing you for exact figures on how much you’re paying, how much your deposit was etc, is massively overstepping - even very close family, it’s just so rude! Is it possible to just lightly change the subject whenever it is raised? Even say “yes I’m really grateful to have pulled it off, but the work starts here haha” as you literally get up and walk out the room for a wee or to answer a text. I have perfected this with my nosey in-laws but this sounds like it’s your own family.

Congratulations on your new home anyway - lucky windfalls aside, it’s a huge achievement and I really hope you can enjoy it and own it! It sounds like you have some iffy dynamics (or just twats!) in your family so maybe this could be a new era of boundaries and protecting a safe place for yourself that other people can’t ruin with their own baggage. Best of luck :)))

“None of your business” ? “Why do you need to know?”

I think you have to learn to not worry about this! If it’s a case of them thinking you have money to lend them, just tell them you are now wiped out from the purchase and just don’t go into detail.

This. They can see the sold price online (usually around 3-6 months after comoletion, depending on how quick land registry are being.

But they don't need to know what your deposit was, etc.

I would just give as few details as possible and try to politely deflect. If you have a difficult relative they will take and twist anything you say. I have a dreadful SIL, obsessed with 'class' and property. My husband was talking with a friend about taking on our wreck of an old house and how when we got it the site was so bad nobody would have given us a mortgage. Had to borrow a lot to make it habitable. A major sniping huff ensued that we had bought a house without a mortgage.

Someone may have said this already. But on the Land Registry website, you can register online and log in and see who owns a property. Every property you search you pay a £3 fee. So if you don’t have a mortgage, if they really wanted to find this out they could. My house for example says ‘jointly owned by Mr Joe Bloggs, Mrs Jane Bloggs and the Halifax Building Society.’ So people would know we have a mortgage.

They’d have to be desperate to bother to do this.

They’ll know the price

bit you can lie about the mortgage

I was once cornered by a friend who would not leave alone about how big/small or mortgage was. She was obsessed as our house is slightly bigger than hers and yet her husband has as much better job than we have, to shut her up I told her the truth…

that was a mistake, as she then started mentioning it to everyone else, even introducing me to a friend saying how clever I was to have a smaller mortgage than her..

it’s taken years to retract that moment of truth and am now lying about second mortgage and big loans just so she leaves me alone

so yes, lie about the mortgage. Never tell people if you have any wealth or financial luck. People can’t bear it. Apart from real friends.

@helpplease01 , IIRC the LR info does state who is the owner of the house, whether there’s a mortgage or not. So you can’t pretend it’s rented. But you have to pay for that info, £3 according to dh, who is fond now and then of having a good old nose!

Oh I love this!

Decline conversations about it, it's none of their business. They can still find out, but anyone who will keep badgering you about it directly doesn't have best intentions.

Can you not just tell them the truth ? What are the consequences of that, as opposed to telling a lie and possibly being found out later ? It’s your money, you’ve been careful with it, and it’s paid off because now you’ve secured your own property. They should be happy for you. If they’re not, it’s their problem, not yours.

Maybe don’t tell them until you have a moving date. Then you can decide to tell them as little or much as you like!

£600K is some good luck.

I’m also nosey and intrigued by this. Well done on keeping it from your family for so long. Seems like you’ve invested wisely and whereas others could have blown it on flashy items, you’ve saved and now own a lovely property.

I’m just curious why you can’t just come clean about the good luck really. Yes, there’s one problematic family member but surely she’d be seen for what she is if she started causing trouble for you. How is she related to you?