Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my family to know how much I paid for my house?

276 replies

lightlyseasoned12938712 · 19/04/2023 17:25

Thanks to some good luck when I was younger, I have quite a lot of money saved up. But I've never made this obvious to people I know, partly because some of my family can be quite problematic when it comes to money. I really just don't want any of the attention that I know comes from wealth, so although I've never lied, I've also never done anything that would make my financial situation clear (car, clothes, travel, etc)

I don't think this is going to be possible any more - I've just bought my first house, and although it's not large, it was quite expensive due to the area. I'm happy for people to know I own a house (would prefer they didn't though), but I'd really really like people to think it was cheaper than was the case

Does anyone have any clever suggestions to hide or downplay this purchase? I'm dreading the questions and changes in attitude when I tell people otherwise!!

OP posts:
mybeautifuloak · 20/04/2023 20:06

ginlovingqueen · 20/04/2023 18:24

Can i ask, how did you come by £600k?

Surely not savings as that's a huge amount

Did you read the OP?

PeachyPeachTrees · 20/04/2023 20:42

Say you have a massive mortgage. Make up an interest rate and type of mortgage eg fixed and who it's with, so it sounds real. If they ask how much you're paying per month, just say loads and then laugh, as that's none of their business anyway. Horrible to lie, but sounds like only option for a quiet life. Enjoy your new home.

helpplease01 · 20/04/2023 20:46

Just say you rent!

Roxy69 · 20/04/2023 20:46

Congratulations on the house I hope you enjoy it. Go along with the mortgage deal route, that should keep them off the track for a while. I have the other problem, friends pestering me as to why I don't buy a better house in a better area. One day they will actually ask for my bank statements /financial history I swear. What a world eh!

Roselilly36 · 20/04/2023 21:01

Land registry supplies this info and is usually viewable around 6mths after purchase, not sure if you can opt out? But couldn’t they just look up the property details online. It’s no one else’s business but yours though OP. I hope you are very happy in your new home.

Hmm1234 · 20/04/2023 21:30

Tell them it was for compensation money years ago and they really don’t want to know the gory details

C0mm0nsense · 20/04/2023 22:43

Apologies if this has already been suggested (I’ve not read all previous comments) but you could let them think you’re renting it from a landlord. Even if they look up the property to see when it was purchased, you can say it was one recently purchased by the landlord.

Mamanyt · 21/04/2023 00:54

Or, just say, "Yes, I was incredibly lucky to be able to adjust my budget and make it work for me." If they ask how much, just smile and reply, "Almost too much."

T1Dmama · 21/04/2023 01:22

You don’t need to lie about the price, but just say you have a huge mortgage or that you’re renting.
mits not really anyone else’s business … maybe tell people you’ve struggled and saved a decent deposit and the rest is mortgages… if people ask how much you saved/how you saved etc just tell them you don’t really want to discuss it as it is private.
TBH anyone whose attitude will change towards you because you’ve afforded yourself a nice house, you’d be better off without in your life anyway.
might be worth just telling them you’ve bought it with money you saved and then change the subject. If they keep on then maybe they aren’t worth having around

Aquamarine1029 · 21/04/2023 01:31

Good grief, op. The amount of emotionally energy you waste giving a fuck what these people think is insane. I'm exhausted just reading about all of your anxiety over this non-issue. Cut these toxic twats out of your life and stop caring what other people think.

Aquamarine1029 · 21/04/2023 01:32

*emotional energy

2023readyornotherewecome · 21/04/2023 01:51

Agree with @Aquamarine1029 use this as an opportunity to set yourself some boundaries & cut people out that make you feel bad.

Practice some phrases that you can use if/when someone asks about something you don't want to share - money/etc

The phrase has to come from you - but a starting point you could tweak for yourself is - you didn't just ask about my finances did you? Big pause? they may push again, then something authentic for you, but a question back to them helps - what did you do this weekend? How is bob etc? Use pauses, deflecting, distracting, walk away and know you don't have to answer people whatever topic it is, if you don't want to do so.

Or try the the Mumsnet classic: Did you mean to be so rude?

Play around with them, be proud of yourself & your achievements & surround yourself with people who lift you up, celebrate you not people that make you lie or stress you out.

Good luck with the house, sounds exciting.

Dibbydoos · 21/04/2023 02:08

They can see ownership info so if you say you're renting, that won't wash either.

I'd say I have a big mortgage if I was you. Tell them you maxed out what you could borrow so you are brassic and leave it at that.

I hate families who think you owe them your money!

Codlingmoths · 21/04/2023 02:15

Many people with expensive houses laugh and say the bank owns it not me when it comes up. We do that and people with houses worth more than double ours do too.
eg nasty relative: I heard you have bought yourself a castle now?

you laugh, I’d call it the banks castle actually but they let me pay them substantial sums to live in it.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 21/04/2023 02:20

Thighdentitycrisis · 19/04/2023 18:59

try to change your outlook on hiding it. Why live your life effectively lying to your family ?

you seem to o be allowing their difficult behaviour around money influence your decision to be open and honest

What have you got to lose ?

You're minimising the impact this has on the OP, read her posts again...

Her wider family have directly caused trouble to folk.

Like hell should she just be 'honest', when this clearly WON'T be in her best interests!

LBFseBrom · 21/04/2023 02:37

I certainly don't think you should lie about buying your house, that's quite ridiculous. You don't have to say how much it cost unless asked and I doubt anyone would ask you outright because it is so flipping nosey (as has been said, they can find out easily enough anyway).

However you do not have to justify the fact that you've bought a house for whatever price to anyone. It's nothing to be ashamed of! Don't make excuses for doing something which most would love to do.

I take my hat off to you (or would if I was wearing one in the middle of the night), buying your first house is quite an achievement right now and especially if you're doing it on your own. If you were my daughter or sister I'd be proud of you. Hold your head up girl, you've done well.

Titusgroan · 21/04/2023 02:56

Could you spin a shared ownership thing and hope your family aren’t savvy enough to know they can check that up on Landregistry.

Titusgroan · 21/04/2023 02:59

Titusgroan · 21/04/2023 02:56

Could you spin a shared ownership thing and hope your family aren’t savvy enough to know they can check that up on Landregistry.

Ps.
Mortgage provider shows up on Land Registry
All online.

Titusgroan · 21/04/2023 03:01

Blondeshavemorefun · 20/04/2023 17:47

It won't show online that you don't have a mortgage

Just what was paid for and when

So if asked - just say a huge mortgage /costly each month but one day you will own it

Land registry list the mortgage provider as they own a share.

Kennykenkencat · 21/04/2023 03:51

Vynalbob · 20/04/2023 19:55

There's two ways....say you rent it or
say it's rent with option to buy (if it's not obvious it doesn't fit whatever criteria that needs)

Why lie when the lie is so easy to be proved a lie.

rwalker · 21/04/2023 04:59

Just say you have a big mortgage

tbh being evasive creates drama

custardbear · 21/04/2023 05:00

Wow your family sound awful!

I'd be saying something g like it's a bit of a stretch but it's the home I liked so feel the investment is worth it. Would they ask about how much your mortgage is? If yea I'd imply it has one but not let them know how much
Good for you though buying a 1st house outright!

tubing · 21/04/2023 05:19

@lightlyseasoned12938712 I intrigued by the good luck you had to save up for a 600k house?! well done

YDBear · 21/04/2023 05:38

Sod it! Just own it! If your family “have problems” that’s on them. You seem to have done well in life but are scared that anyone should know. To hell with that! Why shouldn’t you take a bit of pride in what you have achieved/are achieving? If they get arsey about it, face them down. Obviously they are the kind who like to blame others for their own improvidence/bad decisions. All that “it should have been me” seething resentment. Face it down with swank.

tubing · 21/04/2023 05:43

Also will it be such a shock to them? I assume you have a very good job & they must be a bit aware of this?

Swipe left for the next trending thread