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Original poster

to not want my family to know how much I paid for my house?

276 replies

lightlyseasoned12938712 · 19/04/2023 17:25

Thanks to some good luck when I was younger, I have quite a lot of money saved up. But I've never made this obvious to people I know, partly because some of my family can be quite problematic when it comes to money. I really just don't want any of the attention that I know comes from wealth, so although I've never lied, I've also never done anything that would make my financial situation clear (car, clothes, travel, etc)

I don't think this is going to be possible any more - I've just bought my first house, and although it's not large, it was quite expensive due to the area. I'm happy for people to know I own a house (would prefer they didn't though), but I'd really really like people to think it was cheaper than was the case

Does anyone have any clever suggestions to hide or downplay this purchase? I'm dreading the questions and changes in attitude when I tell people otherwise!!

OP posts:
iwantmyownicecreamvan · 19/04/2023 18:08

Yeah I think large mortgage and vague answers are the best way, if they are persistent (which is rude) then "Why do you keep asking?" or "I don't like discussing my private finances" and quick change of subject - especially for the nosy female relative.

cornfleurs · 19/04/2023 18:10

I'd just imply that you've got a very big mortgage?

Snaaaaacks · 19/04/2023 18:10

Why does it matter? Its not like they can come begging you for money, it's all tied up in the rather expensive house you just bought. So what if they look at the price on rightmove? What they going to do? Demand money you don't have, act jealous? Meh, you've bought a house, literally own it!

SleepingStandingUp · 19/04/2023 18:11

Sorry. But this is a miserable way to live.
You don't travel, have a nice car or clothes etc in case people know you're wealthy?

Just tell anyone who asks you've got a mortgage and paid a tiny deposit.

SpringLobelia · 19/04/2023 18:11

For £3 anyone can get the deeds from land registry can tell if you bought outright or if you have a mortgage.

If you have a mortgage just witter on about how expensive it is. And/or how you don't think you can afford it.

But that is the extent of what is possible really. Or you can just ignore any rubbish from them.

I recommend the latter. Don't go through life feeling you owe anyone anything- including explanations.

Lapland123 · 19/04/2023 18:11

Tell them you have a massive 75 year mortgage so they don’t try to tap you for some money- I assume that’s what they are like from what you describe

PermanentTemporary · 19/04/2023 18:11

Agree with saying you have a big mortgage, if needed.

Your relative sounds truly awful. Sympathies.

OhcantthInkofaname · 19/04/2023 18:14

LemonjeIIo · 19/04/2023 18:00

Just say "why do you want to know" because they have to justify asking you

I'd make it "why do you NEED to know".

ShandyQuaffer · 19/04/2023 18:18

Surely to ask about it they'll have to confess that they looked it up, which is a bit embarrassing for them.

I'd just be vague and not engage. I wouldn't say anything untrue about mortgages etc.

Perthsmurf · 19/04/2023 18:18

I’ve had a similar situation OP. I was dreading the questions, but actually a simple “it’s not something I’m comfortable talking about” or even “I’m not discussing this. Let’s move on to something interesting” worked and I’ve stuck to that line. Some people need to be told that it’s none of their business.

There was a definite shift in attitudes and be prepared for that. I have had many loan requests from people who assume I’m loaded. I did loan some money and- funnily enough- never got it back, so I don’t now. Be clear to yourself on boundaries, don’t lend anything unless you’re prepared to lose it, and remember that you don’t have to explain yourself. The word “no” is acceptable here.

Winter2020 · 19/04/2023 18:23

If someone hints at borrowing money a response I have seen on here which could be quite good for this situation is “I was going to ask you actually - the boiler is playing up/I don’t know how I’m going to afford to furnish the place etc- oh well I’d better not ask you then.”

diflasu · 19/04/2023 18:23

Refuse to discuss it at all or mutter vaguely about a huge mortgage or part ownership schemes and refused to be drawn further.

ShandaLear · 19/04/2023 18:24

Just say you completely maxed out what you could afford, and got a 40 year mortgage or interest only mortgage because it was cheaper than renting. It means you’ll be living on beans for the next 10 years so don’t be asking for any handouts haha.

extramile · 19/04/2023 18:26

There are sites like Rightmove that tell you how much was paid for a specific house each time it was sold - I’ve used it several times to check out the prices of houses. So if your family are really nosy, they can find out the truth whatever you tell them.

YouveGotAFastCar · 19/04/2023 18:28

who adopted high-profile kids

That'd be how. There is a process for asking the Land Registry to not make the information public; and if they agree and it's not made public, then the free sites can't access it so it won't display on Rightmove/Zoopla/Nethouseprices etc. But it's not easy to do, and unfortunately, unsavoury relatives won't be enough to meet the criteria. Adopted children who are at real risk of being tracked down are very likely to; especially high-profile children.

mynewusername2023 · 19/04/2023 18:29

Ha w you bought the house outright? If not, you're just like everyone else - worked hard to raise a deposit and then mortgaged the rest. Even if you did put a huge deposit, they can't find that out.

mynewusername2023 · 19/04/2023 18:29

Have you*

Partyandbullshit · 19/04/2023 18:29

If it's human nature you're worried about, there are bigger issues at large than how much you paid for your house!

More helpfully, it is what it is. This is a time to learn how to deal with certain types of people. You may need to take pre-emptive action. Or not. Think it through. You can't live your life in hiding.

1AngelicFruitCake · 19/04/2023 18:30

We had this sort of problem (much cheaper than yours 😄 but more expensive than a lot of our friends houses). When asked i said the truth, we’d been incredibly lucky with inheritance but pointed out our first home was a cheap house in a cheap area that we worked really hard to overpay the mortgage on. One friend was staggered we’d made £15,000 in overpayments (didn’t mean to tell them but they were pestering to know). I then shrugged them off after that and refused to engage further. The novelty wore off after a while

sunnydayys · 19/04/2023 18:30

If they're cheeky enough to ask how you've paid for it just tell them you're on Only Fans Grin

Tandora · 19/04/2023 18:33

SlipSlidinAway · 19/04/2023 17:31

As everyone else has said, it's easy enough to find out online how much a house sold for. What you could do to play things down is exaggerate the amount of your mortgage and that it means you have to be very careful what you spend.

Oh god don’t do this. People who moan about money and pretend they are skint when they have plenty are the worst.

IrregularChoiceFan · 19/04/2023 18:34

lightlyseasoned12938712 · 19/04/2023 17:25

Thanks to some good luck when I was younger, I have quite a lot of money saved up. But I've never made this obvious to people I know, partly because some of my family can be quite problematic when it comes to money. I really just don't want any of the attention that I know comes from wealth, so although I've never lied, I've also never done anything that would make my financial situation clear (car, clothes, travel, etc)

I don't think this is going to be possible any more - I've just bought my first house, and although it's not large, it was quite expensive due to the area. I'm happy for people to know I own a house (would prefer they didn't though), but I'd really really like people to think it was cheaper than was the case

Does anyone have any clever suggestions to hide or downplay this purchase? I'm dreading the questions and changes in attitude when I tell people otherwise!!

Oh op, they will just Google it and find out. Best bet would be not to tell them you own it but really I think it's unrealistic to think they won't know/guess.

GabriellaMontez · 19/04/2023 18:34

Just say "massive mortgage I'm going to be working until I'm 80!"

If anyone pushes - and you don't want to tell them to mind their own business - say "it's so massive I can't talk about it, you're triggering me, please stop".

NamelessNancy · 19/04/2023 18:35

If you start justifying with talk of mortgages and deposits it implies you think they have a right to this information and invited further nosiness imo. I would just refuse to engage with any talk of my finances. That's private information.

moreshitandnofuckingredemption · 19/04/2023 18:36

Can't you just say you're renting it?

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