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Original poster

Stressed about rehoming dog as GF is allergic

785 replies

CanineConundrum · 19/04/2023 03:40

This is likely to be long so apologies in advance. I’d like my DP to move in with me and we said we’d do it around June. Only issue is I have a dog and we’ve recently discovered she’s allergic. She’s also mildly ocd and struggles with the dog hair/smells. I suspected she was allergic but didn’t want to admit it to myself. We’ve discussed rehoming my dog as her allergies are quite bad and she’s also very allergic to dust and my home is a little dusty as I’m more laid back about cleaning (she’s told me this needs to change and I’m actively working on this)

only thing is I’m understandably quite upset at the thought of rehoming my dog. I’ve agreed to do it as I love her and want to marry and start a family with her. I’ve said I could potentially ask family or a friend to take him as then I could visit. I will struggle to rehome him with strangers and this way I can ensure he is ok. The issue is June is basically around the corner and she is frustrated with my lack of progress on the matter.

I haven’t mentioned any of this to family/my friend yet so as it stands we have no idea if they would even be willing to take the dog. They are all animal lovers so I’m sure at least one of them will say yes. I haven’t mentioned it to them as it’s hard for me to think about. My DP understands it’s difficult with me but sees this as me not being proactive as we aren’t really able to plan her moving in until the dog is rehomed. We’ve discussed it many times but end up going In circles and she gets teary as I haven’t really put a plan in place. She suggested rehoming him by the end of May as she will be moving in the following month.

Every time she brings it up I say there’s still things I need to put in place but I struggle to articulate exactly what these things are. The conversation goes the same way each time and nothing is really resolved. She thinks I’m not prioritising her needs/health as I said I’d move forward with rehoming him but I haven’t actually done anything yet despite me saying I would rehome him a couple of months ago. If I’m being honest I’m afraid of family and friends judging me even though I know they’ll likely understand as she’s allergic. What would you do In this situation? Breaking up isn’t an option as she’s the person I want to be with but I’m struggling with the whole thing if im being honest. Thank you.

OP posts:
VincentVaguer · 19/04/2023 07:40

AlexisR · 19/04/2023 07:38

Some allergies are manageable and some aren't. It's a acale. It's not 'you have allergies or you don't'. Some people have mild allergies which can be managed with antihistamines.

Show quote history

Well, quite.

NumericalBlock · 19/04/2023 07:40

Get rid of the girlfriend. I have a mild cat allergy that developed in my late 20s. Its not something I can ignore, I wouldn't need a test to tell me that I was allergic and after touching a cat I need antihistamines to calm the itchy face and red eyes. I don't see how she could have even a mild allergy without you having properly noticed before her needing a test? I moved in with friends who had big fluffy cats for a while so took antihistamines and made sure to wash my hands after touching them. I couldn't imagine asking somebody to rehome a pet to facilitate me.

Also like others are saying, the "little ocd" is a huge red flag.

Please don't get rid of your dog.

Dibblydoodahdah · 19/04/2023 07:40

@VincentVaguer I have been hospitalised on multiple occasions due to allergies. Are you a doctor? Who are you to say thay
allergies are not life threatening?! They are for some people.

Babsexxx · 19/04/2023 07:40

Did you read the post? The gf has allergies to the dust too apparently I wonder where the dust on surfaces saliva is coming from? It’s a fur/dust related allergy no down playing anyone having a allergic reaction here….

AlexisR · 19/04/2023 07:40

Iguanainanigloo · 19/04/2023 07:27

She's an adult not a child, so tell her to pop a piriton and see if that helps. Honestly, she will probably find over time after overexposure to the dog, the allergies lessen. I am allergic to cats and dogs, but have both, as I adore animals and would struggle to not have pets. When we first got the animals, I would be quite allergic and struggle, but the dogs don't affect me at all now, and the cats, so long as I wash my hands after touching them, I'm fine. My mum has an ancient cat which she got when I lived at home (15 years ago!) And I used to be fine with her after the initial allergy flare up, but when I visit now, she makes me so allergic, I'm guessing as I don't have as frequent exposure to that particular cat. I think your partner needs to at least try living with the dog, and seeing if her allergies calm down in time. If she hasn't thought about this, to me it sounds like she just doesn't like the dog, or doesn't want to live with a pet. It's unfair on the dog to not explore all possibilities before making that final decision to re-home.

It's also unfair on the GF to expect her to be unwell and see if she gets over it.

What a ridiculous suggestion.

OP shouldnt be expected to rehome the dog, but GF certainly shouldn't be expected to try living with an animal she is allergic to.

Peapodburgundybouquet · 19/04/2023 07:41

greenacrylicpaint · 19/04/2023 06:52

this was highly unlikely as she is double coated and her fur is more like wool.

ffs, this again.
it's not just the fur people are allergic to. it's also the dander and saliva. both of which are very potent allergens.

a lick from a dog has me blue lighted to hospital with anaphylaxis.

different dogs or types of dogs - different allergic reactions.

Ah. That explains your rude comment about his house sounding ‘frankly disgusting’ then. Which it didn’t.

NumericalBlock · 19/04/2023 07:42

AlexisR · 19/04/2023 07:38

Some allergies are manageable and some aren't. It's a acale. It's not 'you have allergies or you don't'. Some people have mild allergies which can be managed with antihistamines.

Show quote history

That's true, except that she's had to take a test to find this out, which indicates that it's not exactly a serious allergy assuming she's been to OPs house and has been around the dog often.

VincentVaguer · 19/04/2023 07:42

It's always been important to me to have dogs, I see dogs in my future and basically for the rest of my life. I would never have chosen a partner who doesn't like dogs or can't live with them for any reason. I've never been that desperate.

pensionconfusion · 19/04/2023 07:42

Don't give up the dog. He was their first.

My ex, note ex, was allergic to cats and I had a cat and asked me to give up my cat. He was very obviously allergic to the cat as he would break out in hives and sneeze but would take antihistamines when visiting and then when he lives with me.

We did split up after about a year due to his cheating and I am so glad I didn't give up my cat.

I seriously think that there is more going on with your GF than an allergy. I think it's maybe because the dog creates mess and she can't deal with it.

Don't give up your dog!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 19/04/2023 07:42

You don’t deserve your dog.

It needs to be properly rehomed away from you.

Can you imagine how confusing it would be to rehome it with family so that you can ‘pop in’ and visit? That is entirely for YOUR benefit, with no thought to animal welfare. Poor dog.

Doesn’t sound as if you’re very committed to your girlfriend either.

SmirnoffIceIsNice · 19/04/2023 07:43

Megifer · 19/04/2023 07:27

You've been with her for a year?

🤣🤣

They've been together less than a year, and have been discussing moving in 'for months'.

Way too soon to be making big decisions like rehoming a pet. The gf is living with a family member and has no lease to break, so I don't understand the rush.

GarlicCrackers · 19/04/2023 07:44

I'd choose animals over humans any day and I've got 4 dogs and 6 cats.

Peapodburgundybouquet · 19/04/2023 07:44

Littlegoth · 19/04/2023 07:06

@AlexisR its really clear that people on here have never tried to manage a severe allergy.

I bet they wouldn’t tell someone with a nut allergy that they just need to take a daily antihistamine and crack on.

Her allergy can’t be that severe, she didn’t even know she had it as an adult…

AlexisR · 19/04/2023 07:44

NumericalBlock · 19/04/2023 07:42

That's true, except that she's had to take a test to find this out, which indicates that it's not exactly a serious allergy assuming she's been to OPs house and has been around the dog often.

Show quote history

Well if you read the posts, she was having the reaction but they were hoping that it might just be dust, so got an allergy test to check if the dog was definitely causing a problem.

She knew she had allergies, she just didn't know if it was the dog or the dust, or both.

Verassata · 19/04/2023 07:45

What is she doing about her allergies? Is she taking anti-histimines? Is her allergy just the dog or dust too? My sister is allergic to pet hair and dust, she has hardwood flooring that she can hoover and mop which stops all reaction.

The just under a year comment is the one that stands out. You need more time to be together without her moving in yet. She cannot be pressuring you to get rid of your dog, your dog is your family. Just because you have said June doesn't mean you can't push that date back.

lancashirelady · 19/04/2023 07:46

Dump the gf. Your dog deserves better treatment from you.

whyhere · 19/04/2023 07:47

Starlin · 19/04/2023 06:45

As someone who is allergic to dogs and has had dogs there are ways to manage your symptoms. Yes, cleaning is a massive one. Antihistamines, hand washing and restrictions is another. With my dogs, they weren't allowed in my bedroom/upstairs and I was strict about it. It wasn't perfect but I'd never re-home a dog when I'm able to manage the symptoms so I'd ask her what she's willing to accept

This ^. There are also very helpful wipes that reduce the dander (which is the allergen) coming off the dog.

CurlewKate · 19/04/2023 07:47

Has she actually been to the doctor about this? Because if she hasn't-she's not being proactive either, is she?

CreepyQueen · 19/04/2023 07:47

That poor dog 😢

I'm not anti rehoming, I know sometimes it has to happen and sometimes it's better for the dog.

But this is just sad.

AlexisR · 19/04/2023 07:47

@NumericalBlock OP said "her allergies are quite bad", that she has "itchy skin/rash, watery eyes, sneezing and an itchy throat" and she "doesn’t want to live with a dog as she struggles to breathe".

That's a serious enough allergy to not expect her to deal with it and try being around the dog to see if it goes away, as some people have suggested.

swayingpalmtree · 19/04/2023 07:47

AlexisR · 19/04/2023 07:44

Well if you read the posts, she was having the reaction but they were hoping that it might just be dust, so got an allergy test to check if the dog was definitely causing a problem.

She knew she had allergies, she just didn't know if it was the dog or the dust, or both.

Show quote history

Sure, but its clearly not life threatening then is it as people are saying. She clearly does have an allergy but if it was life threatening she would have known about it by now as she would have ended up in hospital.

IAcceptCookies · 19/04/2023 07:48

She can't wait a few months?
She's not your lifelong partner then, and does not have unconditional love for you.

Your dog, on the other hand...! 🐕

I'm also a bit Hmm about the "mildly OCD". OCD is a debilitating condition that is diagnosed by a doctor or clinical psychologist; it doesn't mean "fussy about tidiness"; it very often has nothing to do with cleanliness or tidiness at all.

Fernanfrank · 19/04/2023 07:49

CanineConundrum · 19/04/2023 04:16

I know under a year May be a little alarming but we both know we are each others person for life. We’ve made plans for the future and this is the only issue in our relationship.

You dog still thinks you're it's person for life too.

Dibblydoodahdah · 19/04/2023 07:49

@VincentVaguer you were implying that someone was weird because they have an allergy. It’s not a choice. People
often say to me “I know you don’t like
dogs” or “I know you are afraid of them…” They can’t seem to understand that it’s neither. It’s a medical reaction that I have no control over.

daisymoonlight · 19/04/2023 07:49

Yeah, mildly OCD is not really accurate. OCD is a life disrupting condition, its not just "I like things tidy". It annoys me when people saying "I'm a bit OCD" because true OCD is horrific and prevents people from living their lives.