Stressed about rehoming dog as GF is allergic

[CanineConundrum]

This is likely to be long so apologies in advance. I’d like my DP to move in with me and we said we’d do it around June. Only issue is I have a dog and we’ve recently discovered she’s allergic. She’s also mildly ocd and struggles with the dog hair/smells. I suspected she was allergic but didn’t want to admit it to myself. We’ve discussed rehoming my dog as her allergies are quite bad and she’s also very allergic to dust and my home is a little dusty as I’m more laid back about cleaning (she’s told me this needs to change and I’m actively working on this)

only thing is I’m understandably quite upset at the thought of rehoming my dog. I’ve agreed to do it as I love her and want to marry and start a family with her. I’ve said I could potentially ask family or a friend to take him as then I could visit. I will struggle to rehome him with strangers and this way I can ensure he is ok. The issue is June is basically around the corner and she is frustrated with my lack of progress on the matter.

I haven’t mentioned any of this to family/my friend yet so as it stands we have no idea if they would even be willing to take the dog. They are all animal lovers so I’m sure at least one of them will say yes. I haven’t mentioned it to them as it’s hard for me to think about. My DP understands it’s difficult with me but sees this as me not being proactive as we aren’t really able to plan her moving in until the dog is rehomed. We’ve discussed it many times but end up going In circles and she gets teary as I haven’t really put a plan in place. She suggested rehoming him by the end of May as she will be moving in the following month.

Every time she brings it up I say there’s still things I need to put in place but I struggle to articulate exactly what these things are. The conversation goes the same way each time and nothing is really resolved. She thinks I’m not prioritising her needs/health as I said I’d move forward with rehoming him but I haven’t actually done anything yet despite me saying I would rehome him a couple of months ago. If I’m being honest I’m afraid of family and friends judging me even though I know they’ll likely understand as she’s allergic. What would you do In this situation? Breaking up isn’t an option as she’s the person I want to be with but I’m struggling with the whole thing if im being honest. Thank you.

When I was about 20 I discovered I was allergic to cats as we’d never had one and I met someone who did have one. My eyes would puff up so much and I’d sneeze and almost develop a cold. However, slowly it got better, the more I stayed the better it got. Many years later I now have a cat and I'm absolutely fine although I don’t ever touch my eyes after stroking her. What symptoms does your GF have? If you’ve been going out for a year surely this can’t only be discovered and if so the symptoms must be mild?
I have dogs and cats and other animals, I’d never give up my dog for a relationship.
My daughter has allergies and when she went away to uni and then came home it was bad as she had to be almost exposed to them again. For the short term she went to the drs and got anti allergy tablets stronger than Piriteze etc. They slowly helped her. She now has nothing. I think your GF should try this first rather than insist you give up the dog. Also, air filter machines are brilliant for dust and animal allergies. Get a really good one. Don’t let the dog in the bedroom at all. Maybe get a robot hoover to get all the hairs from
under the sofa etc.
I’d try all options before giving the dog away, you owe it to the dog to try them all.

As above. She obviously knows how much you care about your dog, and isn't even trying to find a compromise. You've only known each other a year, and I know you think you're made for each other, but she doesn't seem very sympathetic about your predicament. Red flags are waving, I think for your future happiness with this person. Sorry.

There is a difference between pet fur and pet hair. I'm allergic to pet fur but not pet hair. It may help to know the difference as most people are ok with pet hair and find out which breeds of dogs have which one. I only know that poodles and cockapoo's have hair as my brother has those and he is also allergic to pet fur.
Maybe you would feel better about getting a different breed of dog that your girlfriend wouldn't be allergic to.

Speaking as a parent and dog owner, I wouldn't give up my dogs for a partner I've known less than a year. You say you know that 'this is the one' and she's 'your person' but actually, you don't. At this stage you are very much in the honeymoon phase, and infatuated, it takes longer than a year or dating to be in love. To rehome your dog based on this is awful. Sorry to be blunt, but you need to think long and hard about this.

She needs to speak to her GP and get inhalers and prescription antihistamines, and you both need to calm your tits and slow this train down. You're rushing in to moving in together and your poor dog is going to be pushed out as a result.

If you rehome your dog, and then this relationship fails, please don't get another dog. It's not fair.

I’m really sorry but you are obviously a dog lover. Being with means never owing an animal again and bringing your kids up without pets. I wouldn’t give my hiding up for anything or anyone. A dog is not just for Christmas.

Apologies for all the typos.

What about, building an out door run, so you can keep both the dog and the girl. If you buy a shed, make it warm and cosy, then build an our door space. Then the dog lives outdoors.
You can then clean the house and get the girlfriend to move in. On a plus side, if you break up, you haven't lost your dog.
Could this be an option?

I know people who’ve had outdoor dogs and I don’t agree with it. It’s difficult in the winter. Dogs get upset being alone. They’re not supposed to be and are bonded to humans. Better to rehome as op is so determined.

Totally agree I would never ever ask a partner to give up your dog they are family & there must be a solution to this… but don’t give up your dog you had for 4 years !!

If I met a man who was prepared to give up his pet for me I would judge him very harshly!

She's asking him to take a huge risk in re-homing his dog though.

If she wants to make the relationship work, I think she needs to take antihistamines and see if her body will adjust to the dog. It's too much pressure on her too - I'd be so upset with myself if I had to brake up with someone for whatever reason knowing that they got rid of their pet for me.

There is a huge animal welfare crisis, post pandemic, with people giving up their pets. The chance of you finding a good home fir your dog, outside if your family, is slim. You need to investigate this asap.
however, there is no way I’d ever give up my dogs, especially not for a partner I’d know less than a year.
I think you need to give it all more thought and more time

That would be a no. The dog would be miserable, confused and lonely. Much better to rehome properly than do this.

This isn't about her allergies as, as many people have already pointed out, she could take medicine to stop them, this is about control. She is demanding you give up a living, breathing creature without having tried anything to ease her symptoms, she is not a good person.

The fact she's 'frustrated' at the time it's taking is a RED FLAG!
It's your Dog FFS!
How cold is she??
Jesus, doesn't that tell you something. It's not like she's being evicted.
How could you. You should be ashamed of yourself. Tell her to fucking wait until you find the best home possible. If she really cares about you. She will gladly wait.

I would not give up any of my pets for anyone. It’s not fair on the pet. Plus I don’t care how in love you both are, you cannot know for sure how long the relationship will last. Are you oka b y with the fact that if it does last you’ll never be able to have a pet dog again? You are your dog’s whole world. The dog will not understand what has happened. Has your girlfriend spoken to her doctor? Most people with allergies can take medication for it. I feel very upset for the dog, quite annoyed with you for not standing by your pet, and very annoyed with her for asking you to give up your dog. I think you should call her bluff and tell her you will not give up your dog. If she dumps you for that then is she really the right woman for a dog lover?! There are plenty of women out there who will love you BECAUSE you stand up for your pets.

You should rehome your dog. Quite frankly you don’t deserve their love

You have been together less than a year. There is no way I’d be getting rid of a much loved pet. Don’t do it.

She’s sounds like someone you DONT want to give your dog up for. Ditch her keep the dog can you imagine the regret a few years down the line

The woman can barely breathe by the sounds of things when she's at his house. How is she uncaring? Does she have to end up in hospital to prove she cares? I love animals. I have several pets. So many people on her saying they would leave their spouse rather than rehome their pet astounds me. Your marriages don't stand a chance if you value them so little.

I had a partner that manipulated me into slighly considering this once. He was allergic but I do believe a big part of it was about control. He didn't want to explore any of the suggestions to relieve his symptoms. Needless to say I kept my dog and told him to go. He now has a new partner... who has a dog!

Delay moving in. You have not been together long enough to truly know each other and are still in the honeymoon stage. If its meant to be she will be happy to wait.
I think you would regret rehoming your dog. Please allow more time, your partner should understand if if she doesn't that would say it all for me.

You are clueless if you think everyone can just 'manage their allergy'. Jesus the ignorance. People die from allergies. I guess they should have done a better job of 'managing their allergies'

For the last time she never demanded I give up my dog. The wording in my OP is clumsy. She said she was willing to separate even though she didn’t want to as she knew how much I loved my dog. I didn’t want to lose her so I compromised and said I’d rehome him with family. I came on here for advice on how to make the whole thing easier as I was sad about the whole thing but it’s descended into people making assumptions and calling her controlling. I don’t think wanting to live in a clean house with your spouse is asking for the world and I’ve told her she’s right and I’m taking the steps to be better at cleaning and tidying up. Nor does she control me seeing my friends as a few suggested. We aren’t in each others pockets and both see our friends regularly.

Well duh. That's because we are only hearing the OPs descriptions. I'm sure he is equally demanding in other ways. We all are.

OK! You’ve decided to dump your dog. Just do it and don’t post asking for sympathy. Good luck with the allergic gf.