Stressed about rehoming dog as GF is allergic

[CanineConundrum]

This is likely to be long so apologies in advance. I’d like my DP to move in with me and we said we’d do it around June. Only issue is I have a dog and we’ve recently discovered she’s allergic. She’s also mildly ocd and struggles with the dog hair/smells. I suspected she was allergic but didn’t want to admit it to myself. We’ve discussed rehoming my dog as her allergies are quite bad and she’s also very allergic to dust and my home is a little dusty as I’m more laid back about cleaning (she’s told me this needs to change and I’m actively working on this)

only thing is I’m understandably quite upset at the thought of rehoming my dog. I’ve agreed to do it as I love her and want to marry and start a family with her. I’ve said I could potentially ask family or a friend to take him as then I could visit. I will struggle to rehome him with strangers and this way I can ensure he is ok. The issue is June is basically around the corner and she is frustrated with my lack of progress on the matter.

I haven’t mentioned any of this to family/my friend yet so as it stands we have no idea if they would even be willing to take the dog. They are all animal lovers so I’m sure at least one of them will say yes. I haven’t mentioned it to them as it’s hard for me to think about. My DP understands it’s difficult with me but sees this as me not being proactive as we aren’t really able to plan her moving in until the dog is rehomed. We’ve discussed it many times but end up going In circles and she gets teary as I haven’t really put a plan in place. She suggested rehoming him by the end of May as she will be moving in the following month.

Every time she brings it up I say there’s still things I need to put in place but I struggle to articulate exactly what these things are. The conversation goes the same way each time and nothing is really resolved. She thinks I’m not prioritising her needs/health as I said I’d move forward with rehoming him but I haven’t actually done anything yet despite me saying I would rehome him a couple of months ago. If I’m being honest I’m afraid of family and friends judging me even though I know they’ll likely understand as she’s allergic. What would you do In this situation? Breaking up isn’t an option as she’s the person I want to be with but I’m struggling with the whole thing if im being honest. Thank you.

You are discussing a hypothetical conversation, to be honest you seem ken to dump the dog, as such I'd dump you.

Facing rehoming a pet because your child or you partner of many years who already lives with you develops an allergy, is very different to rehoming a pet for a woman you’ve known for less than a year.

I went for allergy testing at Addenbrookes a few years ago was told I'm allergic to dust, grass and cats. I recently adopted two cats and am absolutely fine.
If she actually cared that much about you and your relationship I think she might try to make it work without asking you to rehome your dog.

I'd keep the dog and ditch the relationship tbh but that's just what I'd do

EVERYBODY thinks this at one point or another. DO NOT REHOME YOUR DOG!!! I PROMISE you WILL regret it and when the hormones and love chemicals that are coursing through your brain settle back down- you will resent getting rid of your dog!!
why are you in such a rush anyway?!

On a side note- there is no such thing as “a little OCD”.

I would love to see what the “allergy experts” on this thread would do if their family member ended up in hospital on a nebuliser or oxygen as a result of an allergic reaction to a pet. And no, popping an antihistamine before exposure doesn’t prevent it happening.

And yes - someone not liking dog hair does not have 'a little OCD'. OCD is serious and debilitating - it's not the same as disliking dust and mess

I truly believe 'when you know, you know' too. I knew after 6 weeks with my hubbie, and 14 years later, we are very happily married.

I don't think it's too soon to be considering big life things. There is no magic number of years when it comes to relationship milestones - it's what feels right for you. You both sound very happy together and it is just hugely unfortunate that she is allergic to your dog. I hope you find a solution

Because the thread is already so long, I'm afraid I haven't read all of it OP, but can I ask a couple of questions please?

1. How old are you and your GF
2. Have you had a holiday together yet, ideally at least 2 weeks?

The reasons I ask about the holiday situation, is that if you've only known each other less than a year, you may not have had the opportunity to spend 24/7 together for any length of time, and if this is the case, I would suggest at the very least, that you ask your parents or friends if they would consider looking after your dog for at least a fortnight so that you can see how well you get on when you're together all the time. It's very easy to think that you've found the love of your life, but in reality if you haven't spent full days and nights together for more than a few days, you may find that your girlfriend is even more picky than you think she is, ie, she might moan at you for leaving the top off the toothpaste, or not wiping round the washbasin after you've finished, leaving the loo seat or lid up, or not wiping down the worktop the minute you've made a sandwich. There could be hundreds of things about you that irritate her, and vice versa, so before you even think about rehoming your dog, please make sure that at a minimum you've at the very least got a clear idea of what living together day after day might be like.

Alternatively, you said that she was thinking of getting her own place soon, well why not let her do that, then maybe you can spend more time getting to know each other before taking such a big step as getting rid of your do.

OP hasn’t even asked and this girlfriend isn’t a life partner, they have been together tless than a year and never lived together. The dog is OP’s responsibility and wholly dependent on him.

This isn’t a family member being exposed to an incoming pet though. It’s a short-duration girlfriend demanding a pet be got rid of so she can move in.

Could you have a delux doggie shed? Heated etc that doggie can sleep in? And just keep it in one room by day? We had farm dogs that lived outside, never saw a sofa and lived well up to 14 or 15 years..

“I truly believe 'when you know, you know' too. I knew after 6 weeks with my hubbie, and 14 years later, we are very happily married. “

That isn’t proof of anything @Secretroses

Lots of people think they “know”. And yeah sure, some of them are right and their boyfriend doesn’t turn out to be an arsehole.
But that doesn’t mean that everyone can rely on a feeling of “just knowing” - because statistics clearly tell us that a huge amount of people are simply wrong.

And whilst I wish you love and luck in relationship for another 14 years and more, plenty of people are happily married after 14 years then post on here as a 29 year marriage implodes. So again, it doesn’t prove anything.

Lovely when it works but this idea that you “just know” makes a person sound childish or naïve.

She is allergic to nothing. She doesn’t love you if she is putting pressure on you to do such an awful thing that will make you so unhappy. Run for the hills.

Allergic or not, the fact she wants OP to get rid of his dog so she can move in - the fact she even considers that a reasonable course of action if OP suggested it - says nothing good about either of them, imo.

I discovered I’m allergic to dogs after getting my first dog as an adult - although only mildly. I was already in love with him from the time we chose him so no way was I going to do without him. I just take steps to manage it.

I understand that a more severe allergy is harder to deal with. However, it does sound like your dog is only one cause of her allergic reaction. So I think it’s a bit soon to jump to rehoming your dog.

There are definitely things to try first to see what makes a difference.

— first, you could get a cleaning company in to do a real professional deep clean - get rid of all dust/dog dander/etc in your home

and get your dog groomed professionally too

Then you’d be starting from scratch with a fresh environment. from there:

— restrict the areas your dog goes in - that would be hard enough for both you and your dog and a huge compromise in itself

— wash the dog’s bedding regularly

— consider getting a regular cleaner - you will be sharing bills you’ve paying yourself up to now. So use some of the extra for professional cleaning, paying close attention to areas your dog is in most

— if your GF works from home then could you put your dog to a doggy daycare so he’s not home all day or could family or friends help out and have him at their house during the day

and then if your GF also tried some allergy remedies, all of that combined could make this totally manageable.

I definitely wouldn’t rehome til you’ve tried at least some of that. And if she isn’t willing to even try so that you don’t have to give up a pet that you love and are bonded to, then that’s honestly a big red flag

Are you for real? Asking human being you supposedly care about to regularly medicate, inhale steroids, suffer from a year of exposure test...
And now let's imagine it doesn't help. Would it be enough of a sacrifice from that human, so you would rehome in the end, or would it be "well, it was nice to have you here, but I don't really care about your well-being that much"?

@ZiriForEver yep I'm for real - I love my cats and am willing to do that. I posted it to show there are options - whether the partner is willing to give it a go is another matter.

Ditch the drama llama and keep the dog!

Ok, I admit you haven't actually asked it from (OP's) partner, others did so earlier. Sorry about that.
Anyway, the prolonged exposure sounds like a self-harm to me. I am wondering now how long term inflammation influences the body.

It's been 30 years and I'm alright so far :) Cats do wonders for my mental wellbeing and more than make up for the slight inconvenience of medication.

Do none of you have family who have ended up in a&e after exposure to a beloved family pet? Have none of you been there yourselves? Have you experienced the joy of a 3 week course of steroids because of a bad exposure?

Try Hoovering, dusting, washing bedding, and washing the pet, and keeping the pet isolated, and then loading up the relative on antihistamines so they can come in for a brief visit where they stick to only hardwood areas and hard furniture only to end up in the hospital and you might start to understand pet allergies.

dogs are not comparable to children.

and no one is allergic to children.