Stressed about rehoming dog as GF is allergic

[CanineConundrum]

This is likely to be long so apologies in advance. I’d like my DP to move in with me and we said we’d do it around June. Only issue is I have a dog and we’ve recently discovered she’s allergic. She’s also mildly ocd and struggles with the dog hair/smells. I suspected she was allergic but didn’t want to admit it to myself. We’ve discussed rehoming my dog as her allergies are quite bad and she’s also very allergic to dust and my home is a little dusty as I’m more laid back about cleaning (she’s told me this needs to change and I’m actively working on this)

only thing is I’m understandably quite upset at the thought of rehoming my dog. I’ve agreed to do it as I love her and want to marry and start a family with her. I’ve said I could potentially ask family or a friend to take him as then I could visit. I will struggle to rehome him with strangers and this way I can ensure he is ok. The issue is June is basically around the corner and she is frustrated with my lack of progress on the matter.

I haven’t mentioned any of this to family/my friend yet so as it stands we have no idea if they would even be willing to take the dog. They are all animal lovers so I’m sure at least one of them will say yes. I haven’t mentioned it to them as it’s hard for me to think about. My DP understands it’s difficult with me but sees this as me not being proactive as we aren’t really able to plan her moving in until the dog is rehomed. We’ve discussed it many times but end up going In circles and she gets teary as I haven’t really put a plan in place. She suggested rehoming him by the end of May as she will be moving in the following month.

Every time she brings it up I say there’s still things I need to put in place but I struggle to articulate exactly what these things are. The conversation goes the same way each time and nothing is really resolved. She thinks I’m not prioritising her needs/health as I said I’d move forward with rehoming him but I haven’t actually done anything yet despite me saying I would rehome him a couple of months ago. If I’m being honest I’m afraid of family and friends judging me even though I know they’ll likely understand as she’s allergic. What would you do In this situation? Breaking up isn’t an option as she’s the person I want to be with but I’m struggling with the whole thing if im being honest. Thank you.

If I was allergic to a dog I wouldn't share a house with one. You don't normally need a test as it's fairly obvious by the symptoms. Pet allergies can be severe

Dump the GF, keep the dog. I couldn't be dealing with someone who insists I rehome my beloved pet. He was there first and he isn't a sofa, he is a living being who loves you and depends on you.

I would never rehome my 4 year old dog for a partner of a year to move in, and I don't know anyone who would
Your GF knew you had a dog when you got together and I suggest you live separately.
If she wants to move out of her relatives house, she will have to find a place to rent
As you say she's " OCD" about dog hair She wouldn't be able to visit you either
A dog is for life, a GF may not be

Absolutely the same story, but with a dog. DH has asthma, not extremely severe admittedly, and he knew about the dog from the day we met and also knew he had two options a) find another lady or b) make it work with the dog. He chose b) and his asthma had to agree with the decision. I think he stopped having flare ups within 2 or 3 months of moving in.
Dog person can only be with another dog person, imo.

You really have that arse about there, wire coats are LESS likely to trigger allergy, double coats shed a lot and are much more likely to be an issue with allergy sufferers (though as PP have pointed out its generally the dander and saliva, not the hair, that causes the issue).

OP - I would be prioritising vacuuming, sorting out flooring (hard floors are better) seating (leather better than fabric), air filtration, grooming and washing the dog and anti-histamines before I considered rehoming the dog.

What if you rehome then find shes actually allergic to something else in your home, without doing much of the above, you won't find out the truth.

If she is wheezing when she visits, then this isn’t just about cohabitation. She needs to stop visiting your home entirely.

If she lives with family, the two of you spending time at her place probably doesn’t work. If she goes and buys her own place as she had planned, she isn’t going to want to move again any time soon, so I can see why the question of living arrangements arose.

if you really aren’t ready to take the step of re-homing your dog, you need to be honest with her. She can make her choices from there, but I would hope she stops putting her body through stress.

I had similar situation only my prospective house partner was not a dog lover, nice guy but there was nothing that could have made me give up my dog so we didn't last.
I chose to have my dog and that for me was a lifetime commitment partner or not. For me I wouldn't break my dogs heart or my own.

am sorry no way could i do this. I would be dumping the GF before give up the dog, you are not compatible. Dog 4 years GF 1years and all ready moving in no fecking way

That isn’t how actual allergies work, not at all. Typically every exposure increases the reaction.

A little reading will confirm we build up a natural tolerance to allergens, and we can work around them...so a period of managing the symptoms, and regudog grooming with anti allergan product

This just doesn’t happen. I’ve tried petalcleanse and all the rest. My allergies have got worse as l’ve got older.

A little reading will confirm we build up a natural tolerance to allergens,

If allergies actually worked that way, the NHS wouldn't be replacing latex gloves with nitrile across the board to prevent staff and patients from dying of anaphylactic shock. Repeated exposure makes the allergy worse, not better.

My thoughts resemble this completely!
You are the worst type of owner, a dog is a family member. I’d exhaust all options before getting rid of my dog. So many people have suggested what you could try first, sounds like she is just a control freak, likely that she will make you get rid of your dog and forever be nitpicking at you over something.

Do your dog a favour and find it a decent home but don’t expect to get your dog back when it all goes tits up. They’ll be bonded to someone new by then.

Sorry I just couldn’t do it. Not for someone I’ve known less than a year. You made a commitment to the dog when you took it on.

Then take a strong antihistamine, hoover more and if that doesn’t at least help you go to the drs.
You don’t give your fur baby up that you’ve had 4 years.
Might be better for the poor sod though if you actually care that little. It’s so sad.

It doesn’t work like that though. I’ve had every combination of anti histamines in different strengths. My reaction is too severe. They don’t do enough. I’ve begged my Gp for something because l really want a dog. There is nothing. They don’t give out steroids for things like this. Even though someone suggested one up thread. They are too dangerous long term.

And hoovering makes no difference. It’s the allergen molecules which stick to everything that cause the reactions.

My boyfriend has OCD issues with animals and cleanliness too and it really is a MASSIVE commitment and I'd personally wait to move in together until you're sure of exactly what that will entail with her. In my case, my boyfriend can't do his fair share of cleaning up etc because it grosses him out. We can't go home to my family 3 hours away because he doesn't like the family dog and won't go near. You really need to understand what you're letting yourself in for before even considering rehoming your dog - though I personally wouldn't rehome a pet for anyone, they were your family first. I brought my rabbit when my boyfriend and I moved in together after 3 years together despite my boyfriend not liking him.

Absolutely no chance I'd be giving up my dog. Lose the gf instead!

I don’t agree with many here that you should put the dog above the girlfriend. If you are really serious about her then you will need to get rid of the dog. You haven’t made any steps to do so and seem to be stalling. If I were her I’d just want to know one way or the other. Rehome or don’t rehome, but you do need to decide and move on.

Probably not helpful advice, but I couldn’t re-home my pets for anyone. I love them so much and they are legitimate family members to me.

You are unreasonable not to have even started looking for a new home for the dog. Putting off uncongenial tasks is not a good strategy and will not serve you well if you intend to get married and have children.

Wow ! Just wait until the honeymoon period is over and her OCD really kicks in . I think I would keep the dog 😂

Poor dog
Dog was there first
Dogs are more loyal than humans - just a warning!
I couldn’t rehome my dog. He’s part of my family and I love him.

And I agree with a pp about getting the dog back - that isn’t likely to happen. The person who takes the dog on will bond with the dog and the dog would then be theirs.

I have been tested as allergic to dogs. My own pair don’t provoke a reaction though. So don’t rely on tests. Dust is a nightmare for me though.
You don’t keep your place dust free so that’s an issue. I’m not sure she should move in at all.
But if she does then she’s moving into the dog’s home. Time to take a daily antihistamine.

Why don’t you suggest she gets treatment for her ocd symptoms, try with her staying a couple of nights a week maybe take an antihistamine and hopefully keep your dog . I wouldn’t give up a dog.