Stressed about rehoming dog as GF is allergic

[CanineConundrum]

This is likely to be long so apologies in advance. I’d like my DP to move in with me and we said we’d do it around June. Only issue is I have a dog and we’ve recently discovered she’s allergic. She’s also mildly ocd and struggles with the dog hair/smells. I suspected she was allergic but didn’t want to admit it to myself. We’ve discussed rehoming my dog as her allergies are quite bad and she’s also very allergic to dust and my home is a little dusty as I’m more laid back about cleaning (she’s told me this needs to change and I’m actively working on this)

only thing is I’m understandably quite upset at the thought of rehoming my dog. I’ve agreed to do it as I love her and want to marry and start a family with her. I’ve said I could potentially ask family or a friend to take him as then I could visit. I will struggle to rehome him with strangers and this way I can ensure he is ok. The issue is June is basically around the corner and she is frustrated with my lack of progress on the matter.

I haven’t mentioned any of this to family/my friend yet so as it stands we have no idea if they would even be willing to take the dog. They are all animal lovers so I’m sure at least one of them will say yes. I haven’t mentioned it to them as it’s hard for me to think about. My DP understands it’s difficult with me but sees this as me not being proactive as we aren’t really able to plan her moving in until the dog is rehomed. We’ve discussed it many times but end up going In circles and she gets teary as I haven’t really put a plan in place. She suggested rehoming him by the end of May as she will be moving in the following month.

Every time she brings it up I say there’s still things I need to put in place but I struggle to articulate exactly what these things are. The conversation goes the same way each time and nothing is really resolved. She thinks I’m not prioritising her needs/health as I said I’d move forward with rehoming him but I haven’t actually done anything yet despite me saying I would rehome him a couple of months ago. If I’m being honest I’m afraid of family and friends judging me even though I know they’ll likely understand as she’s allergic. What would you do In this situation? Breaking up isn’t an option as she’s the person I want to be with but I’m struggling with the whole thing if im being honest. Thank you.

This…

OCD is a serious mental illness but people say they’re a ‘bit’ OCD when they don’t like mess or wonky pictures.

@GreenandBlacksismyfav
A dog is a dog. A domesticated but still wild animal. Just look at the news and no, I don't care that it is often a bully breed. All dogs are dogs.

The OPs partner should end this relationship as soon as possible. Anyone who puts a dog over another human being they profess to love isn't much of a people person. Being alone with their 'life companion' is probably the best option for them and everyone else.
Imagine putting someone you say you love behind a dog when they have a medical reason to avoid them. Hilarious and truly sad.

I'm assuming you prioritise your dog (if you have one) over your family including your (possible) children?- as a dog is for life you see.

I have my cat because her previous owner had a family member who was allergic.

The cat had a confusing couple of months but is now thriving. I regularly send photos and videos over WhatsApp to the previous owner so she can feel reassured.

Being alone with their 'life companion' is probably the best option for them and everyone else.

Why would the OP be alone? They can easily find someone they're much more compatible with.

Speak to your vet to see if they have any advice on the situation regarding allergies.

Dogs can’t be domesticated and wild. They’re literally opposites.

Dogs are not wild animals. Don’t be ludicrous.

And why are we now going off on the tangent that this poor dog is now a dangerous animal that will kill the poor, allergic girlfriend on sight?

I can't believe that people are suggesting that you give up the chance of having an adult relationship with a woman over a pet dog.

It will be perfectly happy with friends or relatives and sounds like you have some serious cleaning ahead.

Make sure your vacuum cleaner has hepa filters and change or clean them afterwards. Vacuum furniture too. Use a cloth with soapy water well wrung to clean hard surfaces; don't forget tops of doors and door frames. Consider hiring a carpet cleaner.

Don't procrastinate any longer. This could be the best thing that's happened to you. The start of the rest of your life!

I must admit I find the responses on here astonishing. To me, and perhaps I am biased as I am a widow, having the love of your life in your life is more important than anything, and I don't mean the dog! If the dog is the love of your life, crack on. We married knowing I might never have kids, coming from different cultures, but being together was everything, and I still feel it was everything. Knowing I was truly loved is the single most important experience of my life. If my partner had said, sorry, I crossed an ocean for you but actually I love my dog a bit more, I'd have literally laughed (as I ran away).

I just have to accept that I don't feel the same way as others about dogs, even though I love them. I would feel bad getting a pet and then having to rehome them but I don't think it's an outrageous thing to happen (dogs usually rebond with the next person, whatever people like to think, as do cats) and I wouldn't miss living with the love of my life for anything.

Absolutely this.

no it doesn't

Her allergies are quite bad so managing the symptoms isn’t a possibility

her OCD is mild, her allergies are bad.

But even so, asking someone to take piriton for a visit - fine.
Asking someone to take piriton 24/7 for the rest of their life is NOT reasonable.

Only the OP can decisde if she is worth giving up their dog for. I wouldn't, but then I wouldn't want to live without animals for the rest of my life.

*unless there is an unlikely drip fed that the dog is in fact not a domesticated, much-loved pet, and is coyote, prairie dog, hyena, or wolf, in which case they are wild.

This. Also is it just dogs or is she allergic to other animals as well?

I couldn't imagine never having another cat or dog so it would be a deal breaker for me.

I really feel for you. Clearly your gf has a medical condition that is incompatible with living with your dog. I don't think there is much you can do about that. Different tablets, filters etc may help to an extent but are unlikely to help completely when the person is around the dog so much. Your relationship with your gf is relatively new but now the subject of moving in together has been broached, she will feel you are putting the dog first over her if you backtrack and want to postpone moving in. You say you feel you want to be with her for life but I do wonder whether you will start to build resentment over time that you couldn't keep your dog, have another dog etc etc because of your relationship with her. I don't think there is an easy solution.

Once worked with a woman who had seven cats, her husband was allergic.
He got through a lot of antihistamine.
I think you can also get six monthly injections.

Yes 100%. If the dog is the love of your life, crack on. I don't know what sort of sad, small life someone has lived if they think the love for a pet is anything like a human relationship.

Why should she?
Constant medication is a risk, only worth taking for unavoidable allergens. Having animals in the house is avoidable

I'm sorry if anyone asked me to rehome one of my pets they would be shown the door.
It's a lot to ask of a person.

Yes 100%. If the dog is the love of your life, crack on. I don't know what sort of sad, small life someone has lived if they think the love for a pet is anything like a human relationship.

Why would the OP waste time on this person when they can easily find someone much better suited to the lifestyle they want. Actions speak louder than words. If the OP was serious about rehoming their dog, they would have taken positive steps to do so long before now - this should tell the partner everything they need to know.

Those of us with dogs have human relationships, too, funnily enough. They can be comparable. Your ignorance to that is not really relevant.

Your dog might end up PTS from the shelter because this what is done when dog can't find a new owner.
There is no way I would do this to a loyal loving creature for a sake of a human I've known for under a year. And would never in general. It would be a deal breaker for me. How horrible, poor dog.

A breast fed child is much less likely to develop allergies to pets. If a child later develops an allergy, parents can mitigate with a range of steps in the home. Cleaning, hard flooring, bathing the dog weekly, keeping the dog out of the child’s bedroom etc. Moot point.

As for the dog, it is totally dependent on the owners. A well cared for and trained dog showers their owner with love and creates a life long bond with them. They can be incredibly positive for the mental well being of people. Stroking a cat or dog reduces stress levels and induces the body to excrete oxytocin. This is why pets are particularly good for people suffering from depression.

A human being, who thinks a family pet is something to throw away doesn’t deserve a relationship with the pet owner. Mammals have deep, meaningful feelings and a dog emotionally is the age of a human toddler, 2 1/2. No one would say toddlers cannot bond or lack emotions or would be ok to be separated from everything they know. Dogs are the same.

Op should end the relationship as soon as possible.

The OP can easily rehome this pet [key word].

Well clearly it isn't easy for the OP, or they wouldn't have started this thread. The practicalities might seem easy but the emotional side isn't. I've been with my partner for several years now. If at the start of it, he'd said 'it's me or your horse' I'd have known that we weren't compatible and we'd have split up. And for me, being in love with him is very important. But I've known partners come and go, even the ones you think are forever. Whereas horses will always be a part of my life.

So for me, a compatible partner is one who understands my love of animals. And it is a fundamental thing to disagree on. If you don't want animals in your life, fair enough. That's how you feel. But it does mean you're unlikely to be compatible with someone for whom animals are important.

I would not allow the dog to be put to sleep though. I'd make it my mission to find a lovely home, probably with family or friends, or I also know friends who foster and rehome dogs and I would ask them. The OP hasn't even asked anyone yet.

Women are too much hard work op , keep the dog , get rid of the girlfriend 👍

Having animals in the house may be avoidable. However dictating whether or not someone should have a dog in their house is controlling.