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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH just shouted at me for putting on deodorant due to 'irrating his lungs'!?

170 replies

pinkskies110 · 18/04/2023 22:04

I just got an ear full from DH because I had the audacity to have a late evening shower (I was tending to my toddler and didn't have time during the day). I put on deodorant in the bedroom and he was in bed and had a right go at me for this saying that the smell from the deodrant and steam from the shower (!) really affects his breathing and irritates his lungs. He made a big show of coughing and opening the windows and said I was selfish for having a shower so late.

I had a go back because I find this SO unreasonable. Who had have a go at someone for simply having a shower and putting on deodorant!?

AIBU?

OP posts:
Testina · 18/04/2023 22:15

My husband uses spray aftershave in the bedroom and it pisses me right off. It only irritates my nose for 5 minutes, but could he avoided altogether if he’d just move it to the bathroom instead of saying, “oh don’t be silly” or “you can’t smell it” when I politely explain it irritates my nose.

He’s mostly a good man but on this - @pinkskies110 don’t be a dick like my husband!

Original poster
pinkskies110 · 18/04/2023 22:15

Oh...okay. I can kind of see your (and his) point now. Shall investigate roll on. Thanks all x

OP posts:
Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 18/04/2023 22:15

Using spray would make me ill too but you were not unreasonable to have a shower and I would suggest to him that maybe in future for you to shower earlier he helps to settle the dc.

Highworth · 18/04/2023 22:16

JMSA · 18/04/2023 22:15

I would have no time for such dramatics, OP.
YANBU.

I can’t breathe if I am in a room where someone has sprayed deodorant. I am so glad you think that’s dramatic.

WiseUpJanetWeiss · 18/04/2023 22:17

ExH used to use spray deodorant. It’s horrible stuff that makes me cough and some of them have a disgusting Febreze-like odour that makes me retch. Weird it affects some of us so badly and others not at all.

Justyouwaitandseeagain · 18/04/2023 22:17

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 18/04/2023 22:15

Using spray would make me ill too but you were not unreasonable to have a shower and I would suggest to him that maybe in future for you to shower earlier he helps to settle the dc.

Agree with this suggestion. Especially if you're prepared to give up the spray deodorant.

Mycathatesmecuddling · 18/04/2023 22:18

pinkskies110 · 18/04/2023 22:12

Yes it was spray x

Has he told you it bothers you before or is this the first time?

If he hasnt told you before then you couldnt be expected to know and he shouldnt have had a go at you. That said being suddenly unable to breath fully can be quite distressing so if this is a very one off, out if character reaction I would not hold it against him.

If his default is to go straight to having a go at you without making you aware something is an issue that is a problem though.

Does he have an inhaler?

Starhead69 · 18/04/2023 22:18

I’m confused why you would put deodorant on after having a shower.

and YABU, aerosol deodorant is very irritant to breathing

Holly60 · 18/04/2023 22:18

Urgh yes those awful spray deodorants in an enclosed area??

I asked my DH to switch to roll on. He did. I love him Grin

RavelShoesViaPost · 18/04/2023 22:19

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at OP's request

PumpkinPie77 · 18/04/2023 22:19

Spray deodorant is horrible in the house. Me and my DH both actually go outside into the back garden to spray it.

Mycathatesmecuddling · 18/04/2023 22:19

pinkskies110 · 18/04/2023 22:15

Oh...okay. I can kind of see your (and his) point now. Shall investigate roll on. Thanks all x

To be fair to him I was nearly killed once by someone misaiming their spray deodrant and getting me straight in the face

By nearly killed I mean ambulance being called, blue lighted to hospital and a real struggle to get my breathing back to normal

It was utterly terrifying! A roll on is a good plan.

Skybluepinky · 18/04/2023 22:20

Just open the windows if u use spray on deodorant.

TheQueenOfOverthinking · 18/04/2023 22:21

RiktheButler · 18/04/2023 22:14

Deodorant before getting into bed?

Antiperspirant is actually supposed to be put on at night. However I wouldn’t be happy if DH was putting his spray on in the bedroom & I use a stick.

I don’t have asthma or anything but deodorant spray is really drying and sticks in the back of my throat so sorry op, I’m team DH.

Applying antiperspirant at night when your sweat glands are less active means it is easier for it to absorb into the skin than it is in the morning. Giving your body time to absorb the sweat-blocking ingredients in antiperspirant is also a consideration for when you should apply it.

FrostyFifi · 18/04/2023 22:23

OP spray deodorant can be quite unpleasant for some people (although if he hasn't mentioned it before that's a bit weird). We only use scent-free stick or roll-ons in my house.

You're definately not unreasonable to shower when you want to though.

Mycathatesmecuddling · 18/04/2023 22:23

JMSA · 18/04/2023 22:15

I would have no time for such dramatics, OP.
YANBU.

Asthma attacks kill 3 people a day in the UK

thaisweetchill · 18/04/2023 22:24

YABU. Putting deodorant on in the bedroom when your DH is in bed is very inconsiderate. It infuriates me when my DP does this!

Lamelie · 18/04/2023 22:24

TheQueenOfOverthinking · 18/04/2023 22:21

Antiperspirant is actually supposed to be put on at night. However I wouldn’t be happy if DH was putting his spray on in the bedroom & I use a stick.

I don’t have asthma or anything but deodorant spray is really drying and sticks in the back of my throat so sorry op, I’m team DH.

Applying antiperspirant at night when your sweat glands are less active means it is easier for it to absorb into the skin than it is in the morning. Giving your body time to absorb the sweat-blocking ingredients in antiperspirant is also a consideration for when you should apply it.

Show quote history

Where’s that from? I understand not wanting to smell but blocking pores doesn’t seem very healthy. I minimise its use, use a roll on and would never use it overnight.

Beenhereforever1978 · 18/04/2023 22:24

Highworth · 18/04/2023 22:16

I can’t breathe if I am in a room where someone has sprayed deodorant. I am so glad you think that’s dramatic.

Show quote history

Yes, but do you think you would get to the point in a relationship where you MARRIED SOMEONE without them being aware of that?

I'm on the fence. If OP knows it would set them off after being together long enough to get married, fair dinkum. If not, how the heck was she to know and why did it need a theatre performance?

EmmiJay · 18/04/2023 22:24

Might I suggest Mitchum?😬 Best roll on around. Also, he didn't need to have a go. Tell him to use his sensible, grown-up words next time.

Echobelly · 18/04/2023 22:25

My DH is a bit like this with hairspray, and most of all nail varnish - I deliberately put it on when he is out of the house now, although not that long ago he complained he could smell it downstairs, on the other side of the house from me, half an hour after I'd put it on and hadn't moved from that room! (I think what he could smell was a scented candle I had on, not nail varnish)

TBF, I do think sprays of any kind can be quite irritating to people, but it does annoy me when DH shouts even though I have deliberately done it far away from him knowing he doesn't like it.

He's BU if he's never mentioned it before and is suddenly shouting about it... he could have just said. 'Sorry, that spray makes me cough, can I open some windows?'

But you would be be at least a little U if he's mentioned he finds it an irritant but you still did it near him anyway.

SweetSakura · 18/04/2023 22:25

Deodorant (spray) makes me wheeze and I don't even have asthma. Awful stuff.

redbigbananafeet · 18/04/2023 22:25

I can't imagine my partner 'having a go' at me about anything, especially not personal hygiene.

Beachhutnut · 18/04/2023 22:27

YABU if it was a spray and you sprayed it in the bedroom where he was in bed yes. Use a roll on or keep spray in the bathroom at the very least.

Redebs · 18/04/2023 22:28

Lamelie · 18/04/2023 22:24

Where’s that from? I understand not wanting to smell but blocking pores doesn’t seem very healthy. I minimise its use, use a roll on and would never use it overnight.

Show quote history

How do you think antiperspirants work? They block the sweat glands.