To be absolutely heartbroken by this comment made by a 5 year old

[dreamer998]

My job involves working with kids. Today, a teary eyed little girl told me this: "I don't see my daddy because mummy said that he doesn't care about me and doesn't want to bother with me"

Why on earth would you tell this to your 5 year old child?! Haven't stopped thinking about it all day. Made me want to cry 😢

Why should she? Because she is a mother and hurting her little girl should be something she would never even think of doing. Hurting a five year old deliberately is very low. She can just say I don't know, no need to say any more.

This is very very common. Parental alienation at its finest.

This is the real issue, right here.

I read this and felt enormous guilt, my son's dad left us when son was 7 months old and I as the years rolled by and he and the woman he left me for had 3 kids of their own and he told me that he this meant he could no longer pay any child support which left me struggling to pay for all the things my boy needed. Ex husband saw my son less and less, would cancel at the last minute leaving son in tears and me to pick up the pieces. I did find it very hard to trot out the lines of "daddy loves, but daddy is very busy" . I hope I never said anything as hurtful as this especially when my son was as young as 5 but I did really struggle to bite my tongue. I can recall my son being so anxious waiting for his dad to show (or not show) that he would have diarrhoea from the stress of it all. It is was so difficult and I was very far from perfect. I think on a subliminal level children are very aware that an uncaring and absent parent is exactly that

So you would be ok with your five year old being distraught at school because you had told them that doesn't care about her because children need 'realistic expectations of life'?

Told them that their dad doesn't care about them*

As ever, Mumsnet is a window into a different world for me.

I know there are shitty parents out there, but they’re not part of my world.

I know they’re out there, as evidenced by the sort of people described in the OP.

What shocks me far more, is the number of people who come onto a thread like this and ANNOUNCE their own shittiness as parents.

Who have absolutely no qualms about putting their hands up and admitting they are completely sub-standard parents. Honestly just incredible.

Everyone with a basic standard of parenting is reading your own posts on here, and judging you hard. And, unfortunately, pitying your children.

Fgs.

Teary eyed 5 year old.

That she's the apple of her dads eye, but he can't see her at the moment because he's working away.

I think on a subliminal level children are very aware that an uncaring and absent parent is exactly that.

I was certainly aware that what my "D"Gma said about DM trying to take us away from DDad didn't match her actions.

I agree with PPs who say it's a safeguarding issue.

Sadly parents do say stuff this if they are hurt and angry, and cannot quash the anger they feel towards the father , especially if he has a new partner.

It's a really hurtful thing to say to a child, maybe the dad is shit about turning up, and the mum says it ''Daddy doesn't care about us'' in a moment of hurt and anger.

It's very hard to be smiley and pleasant at ''Handover''particularly if the dad has been unreliable.

Poor little girl.

Disgusting parenting

It’s really sad and she shouldn’t have said it but perhaps she’d just reached the end of her tether that day? Being a single parent can’t be a picnic and I think it’s harsh to judge her for that. I’m sure she’d feel awful if she knew what upset she’d caused her daughter. If you’re going to have a word, do it with compassion.

this Is so so so sad, I’d also be heartbroken if I heard this. But like other people have said, you really don’t know what goes on in other peoples homes so try to reserve judgement (although if possible I would say to the girls mum that she was very upset about this because she should know).

for example it could very well be that daddy has been spinning this little girl some awful BS that “mummy won’t let me see you, if I had my way we’d be together all the time” and this was mummy’s not very well thought out but incredibly human response. My friends ex would do this all the time and I don’t know if she ever cracked to this extent but I know she did some serious lip biting not to say anything too raw.

Sounds like at least one of this girls parents are really letting her down but I wouldn’t make any serious judgements because you don’t know the facts. She needed some cuddling and you provided it, thts the main thing.

This thread is showing there are plenty of parents (mums) who are quite happy to talk to their children like this. Ffs. You're telling on yourselves and it's HORRIBLE. I wonder if it makes them feel better because it certainly doesn't make the 5yr old feel better.

She's 5. She doesn't need realistic expectations of life just yet 🙄.

The mother sounds emotionally abusive to me. What a damaging thing to tell a dc.

This is terribly terribly sad. What a shame that some separated parents don't have the maturity to keep their ADULT problems between the adults, and to focus their attention of giving the children a safe and secure upbringing.
FWIW My father left my mother when she was pregnant. He didn't care about me or her and he was pretty vile. However, I NEVER heard her speak badly of him, until I was much older and I had the maturity to ask and to receive that information. At 5, I just had a happy home, with her, my granny round the corner, and our cat. As this poor little girl should have.

That lie won't last forever, and the mother will face a furious daughter when it becomes apparent that the father isn't coming home.

Being clear and open with a 5YO that their parent doesn’t care about them is not how your build resilience in a child….. 😑

Depends on the lie and how long you’re prepared to lie for surely?

Well said

Horrible. And will almost always rebound when the child is old enough. I was once told by a little girl that 'Daddy divorced us'. It is awful.

Yes this

She's in a new relationship with a baby on the way, so she's not this lonely, depressed single mum that some of you think she is

You can't really take the word of a five year old as gospel. Her mother may not have said this directly to her. The child may have over heard the mother talking to someone else. Someone else may have told this to the child.