To be absolutely heartbroken by this comment made by a 5 year old

[dreamer998]

My job involves working with kids. Today, a teary eyed little girl told me this: "I don't see my daddy because mummy said that he doesn't care about me and doesn't want to bother with me"

Why on earth would you tell this to your 5 year old child?! Haven't stopped thinking about it all day. Made me want to cry 😢

The man who abandoned the five year old is responsible for her distress.

But we don't hold him to account. We just expect women to go around clearing up after him.

You'd need to have a world configured very differently than the one we have before you start to even attempt playing the equivalency game.

https://www.gingerbread.org.uk/what-we-do/news/ruling-allows-legal-action-on-cms-to-be-given-full-hearing/

I would suggest that no good parent ever wants their child to be upset, and will do their upmost to protect them, even in the most difficult circumstances. I would ask you all to get behind the Gingerbread and Mumsnet campaign to #FixtheCMS and try to tackle the misogyny, patriarchy and utter failings of our country that leave women and children disproportionately impacted by no reasonable or fair support. It shouldn’t be this way. Many women and children are living in poverty (even when working professional jobs) because the NRP- over 90% male can refuse to support their children and no one will make them accountable). There is a much bigger issue here, and one that acutely needs to be addressed. The default of blaming the mother needs to stop. We need to stand together. We need change and we need to put children at the centre, and make sure BOTH parents are accountable for all of their children’s needs.

A five year old child should never know their parent doesn't give a shit about them.
A 5 year old child whose father never bothers with them, does know that they don’t give a shit about them. The actions are clear to a child, and if the child is told that their father does really care, but just never sees them, they are being told that caring can be ignoring them completely. Which is not a good thing for them to learn.

No one is saying that parents go around saying the other parent doesn’t care, but if that parent doesn’t care and lets them down all the time, the harm is already being done by the other parent. The child was crying not because her mum said her Dad didn’t care, but because he Dad doesn’t care I presume!

Is it actually OK/professional to post something like this on a public forum if you work with the child in question and have reported the mother? I mean, it could be seen by her or someone who knows her and it's pretty identifying...

https://medium.com/change-becomes-you/patriarchy-is-a-system-and-women-can-support-the-system-too-ad37a924e9aa

“When we think of the word patriarchy, we most often align it with misogyny — a society controlled by men who wield a disproportionate amount of power to their advantage. And while traditionally that may be the case, we need to keep in mind that patriarchy is not limited to gender but is, in fact, a system.

While it may be a complex system, patriarchy at its core is about female oppression. Among other things, it is the imbalance of power. It is the abuse of power and influence. It is the silencing of women. We equate this primarily to male dominance when in fact, female oppression toward other females can be just as prevalent.”

please get behind the campaign #FixtheCMS

Have you ever seen the dad? Might be part of the clue? If the child had a secure attachment to her dad, do you think she would be so devastated/ insecure?!

Your vitriol and judgement is clearly only reserved for the mother- the parent, who may not be ideal, but at least is present.

She shouldn’t have said what she did, she should have found another way to explain the situation. But it’s hard, and maybe she was at the end of her tether, and was struggling to find a suitable and honest way to communicate with the child. Perhaps she needs professional support and guidance - not vicious judgement.

I would like to know what you did say to the child. I've said what I said to the child who said something similar to me and she certainly was not crying all day. So it's possible that you could have said something that would have calmed the child and made her feel happier. So what did you say?

I'm sure many parents lashed out at their child the first time due to stress but not all stop at the first time after they start.....were quick to say to women he's hit you once he won't stop this isn't any different no matter the reason....she abused her child emotionally lashing out words about her ex possibly due to frustration but that will happen again unless it's stopped mum needs to know it's not acceptable and to have strategies that will help her

That's a very stupid comment. All children are different and respond to things differently. Just because your child didn't cry all day, doesn't mean another child shouldn't. This is a very emotional child who clearly has a very difficult home life and has a lot to deal with.

How do you know the mother's comment was true?

If your job is part of intervation you should not be posting about it on here @dreamer998
You need the trust from parents too and I would be hesitant to give permission after seeing this

I don’t. Same as op doesn’t know if this was said directly to the child or if she overheard it said to someone else

For all we know it was a chat between mum and step dad and how to explain why her dad doesn’t give a shit about her that’s believable. Preparing themselves for the barrage of questions when the baby is born.

Not all parents are nasty and keep the other parent away. Some would love for the deadbeats to give a shit.

I’m still surprised though that no one in the school intervened allowing the op to do their job. Or that this little girl was allowed to keep wandering around the school. Or that mum wasn’t contacted at some point during the morning to let her know dd was upset and how this amount of upset would be usually handled at home.

I wouldn't be too sure. Like many small children, my niece refers to any adult working with children in her classroom as a teacher, students on placement, one to ones, and parent helpers, which it turns out is who one if the adults were. Most of the kids and a lot of the parents where I worked would call me a teacher too even thought I'm not.

I've never experienced professionals coming into the setting to support children in my nursery but who are excluded from info sharing meetings and who know nothing of situation with other parents and who have to report safeguarding concerns to me. You say there's been other incidents but that you don't know about dads involvement? Why are you not privy to that info? The only people I can think of who come in to my setting to supper children but who are not included in safeguarding info sharing or are not required meetings to discuss action and updates etc are parent helpers and students on placement and there's a very good reason why they aren't included in that part of the safeguarding process.

I totally agree that this shouldn't be posted here, even though it doesn't identify the child in anyway it's very unprofessional. Have you showed this thread to your manager? Normally you'd keep the critism of a parent in the staff room or a meeting, I don't know an organisation that works within schools were this would be ok. The child is being let down on all fronts.