To be absolutely heartbroken by this comment made by a 5 year old

[dreamer998]

My job involves working with kids. Today, a teary eyed little girl told me this: "I don't see my daddy because mummy said that he doesn't care about me and doesn't want to bother with me"

Why on earth would you tell this to your 5 year old child?! Haven't stopped thinking about it all day. Made me want to cry 😢

Because it's emotionally damaging to the child to feel abandoned and unwanted severely damages self esteem and impacts learning and development. What other hurtful words are being inflicted on that child

@TheSnowyOwl of course the fathers actions are not acceptable if it is true that he's not playing an active role in his daughters life, but it's mum's job to protect her child from that, and explain things in a way that are not going to make her child feel unloved and inadequate.

Wow. What a terrible attitude towards this poor child. I work with separated families and see the heartache that children suffer as a result of that parent insisting that the child knows ‘ the truth’ . It is sometimes out of spite, such as if the dad has started a new relationship which the mother objects to. I just hope that you’re not as insensitive towards your own child if you have any. Disgraceful

My mum did this, it's shit. I've had rejection issues all my life and this did not help. Is the mum approachable? If so I'd call her out on it!

Absolutely. You did the right thing reporting it to safeguarding. It is emotional abuse.

Ironic she's telling her 5 year old that her daddy doesn't care about her, she hardly sounds like the most caring mother herself acting like that. She just sounds bitter and p*ed off with the dad and is saying how she feels without caring how it might affect the child. Sad that adults can't be adults.

It's emotionally damaging and can impact a child's development the lack of understanding on this shows how there are so many children suffering depression and self harm.

ANY explanation would have been better than the one her mother gave!

Not if that explanation was a lie. Truth hurts is not just a tired old saying.

Bollocks. The mother is clearly thick as shit and more interested in scoring points than the feelings of her 5 year old

I'm not sure how I would have liked the truth framed if one of my parents had abandoned me after their divorce. I do know that the truth will out sooner or later, and if you lie to the child you will later sooner later be faced with a furious DC wanting to know why you lied. I know that the two things I hated about my parents' divorce were the lies told by my "D"Gma about my DM and the point-scoring my parents engaged in. I forgave my parents but I would piss on Gma's grave if she had one (her ashes were scattered).

Funny how some of you are more than happy to lie to your kids about Santa, the tooth fairy etc but when it comes to things like this, you know, something that could actually emotionally damage your child, it's all "oh I could never lie to my child, they must know the truth!"

No, it’s not ‘better’ that she finds out at 5 years old.

What planet are some of you on?

Is it because the OP posted this in AIBU, some people be adversarial just for the sake of it?

Or are some people just completely unempathetic and heartless when it comes to children other than their own?

Neither of those reflect well, FYI.

My DHs ex wife told their children the same thing. They repeated similar things many times. She made their life and ours hell at times. You’d think after nearly 18 years she’d be over it, but she still tries to stop them seeing their dad.

He fought hard and at times I don’t know how he kept going! Some people are so angry they forget how much it’s ultimately going to impact on the children.

BTW - he didn’t cheat, he just couldn’t take anymore of her narcissistic tendencies. He loves them always has and always will.

There are normally more to these situations

Unfortunately some people are not equipped to be a decent parent, this mother is clearly one of them. Take your anger out on someone else, not your own child.

I think that it happens and that’s the way it is. What is the point of the mum giving false hope to her little girl?

@JimmyDurham I've written a few posts up of an example of age appropriate explanation.

Your 'truth hurts' crap shows a lack of understanding of child development. Children are naturally ego centric. They will assume they are the reason things happen and this affects their development re self esteem and self perception, if explanations don't take these differences into account.

It's wrong to treat children as though they should be able to process things like adults. It's not sugar coating, it's recognising that they are children and their understanding is different to ours.

Do bear in mind that it may not be that the mum said this to her child. It is the sort of thing I can imagine a very upset mother saying to someone else (eg., on the phone to a friend and unaware her daughter can hear), and the child overhearing.

This would also be my first thought. Assuming she's a shit mother and emotionally abusing her child is a bit of a leap.

Of course the truth will come out later. But right now this child is five. She does not need telling that her father doesn't want to bother with her. What kind of message is that sending to her. Her mum doesn't have to lie, but she needs to explain things in a empathetic, age appropriate way that will not make her five year old feel like it's her fault.

An*

The ‘truth hurts’….?

You realise that’s what you say to someone who’s done something stupid and harmful and needs a few home truths to wake them up and push them into decent behaviour?

It’s not an approach you take with a 5 year old who’s done nothing wrong expect be on the receiving end of a parent’s (or two parents) shitty behaviour.

Good Lord….. 😳

Some of the responses on here are concerning. This is a five year old child that this has happened to. The fact that this was on her mind, upsetting her at school shows the effect that being told this has had on her. She is too young to have had such information disclosed to her.

That's such a wee shame :( stuff like that shouldn't be affecting a 5yr old as they shouldn't be told such things. It should be dealt with by the adults in a decent manner

This thread is fascinating. It may well be the dad's actions causing the damage, not the mother being truthful. Children do well with realistic expectations of life. Lying and covering the bad things is not going to help mental health in later life. It leads to adults that can't adapt, with no resilience whatsoever.

It's strange to me that people think the only viable alternative in this scenario is lying to the child, that's just nonsense. As a parent that has had to spend the the last 11 years explain to my 11 year old child that their father can't be bothered to parent, there are ways to be honest that are age appropriate and don't involve distressing the child. No child need to be told that their father doesn't care about them. That was emotionally abusive on the mothers part.

Poor little girl.

I would definitely speak to mum as she may have overheard her talking to someone and mum might not even realise.

My DDs dad doesn’t care about her at all but I would never want her to know that!

No child should ever feel unloved.