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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think we can't go to an evening wedding reception with newborn

147 replies

WindUpPenguin · 17/04/2023 14:39

We've been invited to an evening wedding reception. They are actually already married (got married fairly quickly abroad for visa reasons) but are having a reception/celebration this summer. It doesn't start until 7:30 and it's a fair distance from where we live (3 hour drive) so would probably mean an overnight hotel stay, and we will have a newborn (<2 months old).

AIBU to think this is just a no-go? DH thinks it will be do-able, but I am just not sure I will be up to it, and I think managing a tiny baby in the car, at the reception and overnight in a hotel will be tricky!

OP posts:
ZeroPlastic · 17/04/2023 14:41

Could your DH go on his own?

I wouldn't have wanted to go anywhere without my baby at that point and it doesn't sound like a baby-friendly event.

McGonagallshatandglasses · 17/04/2023 14:42

I've done it. In many ways that's the easiest age. Babies that age are reasonably portable, and often you'll fine they can sleep in a pram or a carrier throughout an evening like that.

It partly depends on whether your friends are anti-babies at weddings and if you are recovered from the birth enough to travel.

CatMattress · 17/04/2023 14:43

Babies aren't supposed to be in a car seat for more than 20-30 minutes at a time when they're so young, so a 3 hour trip will take a damn long time with all the breaks required!

I'd bow out, personally.

Oysterbabe · 17/04/2023 14:43

I think it will be OK. They are young enough to sleep in the pram.

RoxanaRoxana · 17/04/2023 14:45

It won’t be your standard night out, and it might be a pain in the arse. But as PP says - much easier now they’re portable and sleep anywhere than in a few months time.

So I suspect it’s totally doable if you want, but if you don’t it’s a cast iron excuse.

purplecorkheart · 17/04/2023 14:46

I probably wouldn't. That is a long drive with a newborn and I don't think they are meant to be in a car seat for that long. By the time you pack everything you need it would hardly be worth it. Particularly as you could end up being in the hotel room while your husband attends the party.

tourdefrance · 17/04/2023 14:47

Not impossible but tricky.

Babies need fed about every 3 hours so your 3 hour journey is likely to need a break to feed the baby. Feeding could take up to an hour when mine were that age, I’m sure it varies.

The baby may happily sleep at a pram at the reception venue, but might not.
At the hotel you will be feeding the baby in the middle of the night with only one room (so likely to wake both parents, whereas at home you might go to a different room).

Nappy changes and changes of clothes needed too for accidents.

I might do this for a sibling/ extremely close friend but not for most people.

googledidnthelp · 17/04/2023 14:47

If it's a reception you want to go to it's doable, if you don't want to go, then it isn't. I found my motivation to get organised and out depended soley on what I wanted to do when DS was that little

Hollyhead · 17/04/2023 14:49

That would have been an easy time for us to do that, they basically feed and sleep at that age, but it’s completely understandable if you don’t fancy the challenge either!

Glitterbaby17 · 17/04/2023 14:49

I went to two 'away' weddings with a hotel stay when my eldest was 5 and 7 weeks and had a blast. She was snuggled up in a sling and all cosy and was so much more chilled than subsequent weddings with small children. Is entirely up to you, and probably depends a bit on the venue - is there a quieter room/space you can retreat to to feed or if the baby needs some space but I'd say go for it!

Albiboba · 17/04/2023 14:50

It’s entirely do able to travel 3 hours with a 2 month old, attend a party and stay in a hotel.

If you don’t want to that’s entirely different but there’s nothing particularly “tricky” about it.

maxelly · 17/04/2023 14:50

You can, as in it will by physically possible, but do you want to is a different question. Newborns are often very sleepy in those first few weeks so there's a good chance s/he will sleep happily through the whole thing even if there's noisy music and/or enjoy being passed around for cuddles, obviously everyone is different but I actually really enjoyed going around visiting friends and relatives in those very early days (when they were mobile/toddling and shouty, less so!). And normally at a hotel or similar you can find a quiet spot to feed/change and get back to sleep easily enough. But of course everyone and every baby is different, some might struggle to get feeding established or be very refluxy/colicy and scream a lot or if you ended up with a c section might still be recovering. So if they need a firm commitment from you at this stage I think it would have to be a no unless they are very very dear friends you'd move mountains to be there for (perhaps send DH alone?).

ComtesseDeSpair · 17/04/2023 14:51

It sounds like a real faff and not particularly enjoyable. A party, particularly at the point where many guests will have gotten a bit tipsy and the more energetic parts of the event like dancing begin, isn’t really the place for a small baby. Either decline or send your DH alone.

UnsolicitedOpinions · 17/04/2023 14:52

CatMattress · 17/04/2023 14:43

Babies aren't supposed to be in a car seat for more than 20-30 minutes at a time when they're so young, so a 3 hour trip will take a damn long time with all the breaks required!

I'd bow out, personally.

Come on!!! Nobody is getting their baby out of their car seat every 20 minutes.

In response to OP, I think it just depends how much you actually want to go. If you really want to go, it’s perfectly doable. If you don’t really want to go, it’s the perfect excuse!

Twizbe · 17/04/2023 14:52

Both my children had witching hours. They'd cry non stop from 7pm to 9pm every night from 3 weeks to 3 months. It was fine as long as they could cluster feed and I'd eaten first. I was expecting it and it's pretty common.

I'd have not wanted to be at a wedding reception though.

Given it's just an evening do can you put off giving a definite yes or no until baby is born? You could always book a refundable hotel just in case.

MaknCheeese · 17/04/2023 14:55

It's doable but only if you really want to be there. I don't think I would have wanted to do it at 2 month pp.

jackstini · 17/04/2023 14:56

We did it with dd at 9 weeks old

It was only a 30 minute drive, but we booked at room anyway for ease of feeding, changing, sleeping etc. in case we needed it

Loads of people happy to hold her/entertain her (friends of ours) no issues feeding anywhere inside or outside the venue and she actually slept through a fair bit of the reception, including a rock band!

Only you know if you will be ok with it but it was fine for us

Mindymomo · 17/04/2023 14:56

We went to a wedding when our first son was 3 weeks old, between afternoon wedding and evening reception we went to in-laws house which nearer than our house whilst we changed and fed him. Our son slept most of the evening, despite the loud music, we stayed about 3 hours. We also went on holiday to Wales when he was 6 weeks old a 5 hour journey, but we did stop on the way for lunch, where he had a feed, change and a stretch out.

ComtesseDeSpair · 17/04/2023 14:57

You don’t actually mention whether the baby is included in the invitation. I’d suspect the bridge and groom may not expect you’ll bring them, particularly not to an evening do. If you’re thinking of attending I’d definitely check this: you’d have been turned away at a couple of the weddings I’ve been to recently as no babies or children allowed in the venue after a certain time.

CornishGem1975 · 17/04/2023 14:59

Entirely doable, your baby will never be as portable as at that age but it depends whether you want to. I wouldn't have minded but it's other people's idea of hell!

Lcb123 · 17/04/2023 15:00

Why not wait and decide once baby’s here. There were a few small babies at our wedding for the evening, in their pram in the corner or in slings!

gamerchick · 17/04/2023 15:00

2 months old or newborn?

Doable with a 2 months old I would say. Not that I'd want to for an evening do and an overnight stay. Can you not send bloke on his own or he stays behind?

Suzi888 · 17/04/2023 15:01

Of course you can. But I wouldn’t- honestly couldn’t be bothered personally.

RoseHenley · 17/04/2023 15:02

CatMattress · 17/04/2023 14:43

Babies aren't supposed to be in a car seat for more than 20-30 minutes at a time when they're so young, so a 3 hour trip will take a damn long time with all the breaks required!

I'd bow out, personally.

This is wrong.

Lullaby trust says it's 2 hours before taking a break.

The OP will need to stop once.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 17/04/2023 15:03

It can be as easy or as hard as you and your baby make it.

We travelled from Liverpool to London by car when my twins were about 6 weeks old, journey ended up being hours long as the gearbox fell out of the car so we ended up waiting at services for the AA for a really long time. But the babies were fine. True we didn't go to a wedding, but we went to at least two meals out in noisy restaurants with noisy family and they slept through most of it.

Personally I'd ask if they can wait for an RSVP until after baby is born. While pregnant, I declined everything. I was tired and uncomfortable and just generally not very well. After the birth, and after I'd healed, I was ready for anything. Loved getting out and about and showing off my babies! So don't let how you're feeling now potentially make you miss out on some fun.

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