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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think we can't go to an evening wedding reception with newborn

147 replies

WindUpPenguin · 17/04/2023 14:39

We've been invited to an evening wedding reception. They are actually already married (got married fairly quickly abroad for visa reasons) but are having a reception/celebration this summer. It doesn't start until 7:30 and it's a fair distance from where we live (3 hour drive) so would probably mean an overnight hotel stay, and we will have a newborn (<2 months old).

AIBU to think this is just a no-go? DH thinks it will be do-able, but I am just not sure I will be up to it, and I think managing a tiny baby in the car, at the reception and overnight in a hotel will be tricky!

OP posts:
Makewayforsummer · 17/04/2023 15:38

UnsolicitedOpinions · 17/04/2023 14:52

Come on!!! Nobody is getting their baby out of their car seat every 20 minutes.

In response to OP, I think it just depends how much you actually want to go. If you really want to go, it’s perfectly doable. If you don’t really want to go, it’s the perfect excuse!

Show quote history

Up to 30 mins until they are 6 weeks old and then max of two hours.

It will all depend on the birth and your baby.

Summerfun54321 · 17/04/2023 15:39

Been there done it twice and both times were awful. The music was way too loud for a newborn. I went to a cousins wedding where a friend took their newborn and was advised to leave due to the music volume as well. If its an evening party then you shouldnt be taking a baby. If it's a quiet day time function then that's fine.

WaltzingWaters · 17/04/2023 15:39

I think it depends how close you are to this couple and whether you really want to be there. If you’re not too fussed, give it a miss. If you’d love to be there, it’s perfectly doable but requires a fair bit of effort and money.

You'd need a lot of stops in the car with the baby at that age. You’d also need a dress you’re able to breast in and a place at the venue you’re comfortable going to bf (that’s if you’re planning to bf of course).

But baby’s are very portable and often sleep a lot at that age so it’s also quite an easy age to take them places. We went to a christening when my DS was 5 weeks and he slept through 90% of the service and party.

Trysbutfails · 17/04/2023 15:40

I would snap up invitations like this when you have a small portable baby, as in no time at all you have routines and an active mobile baby, then a toddler. Before you know it, unless you’re lucky enough to have family support it is years before you and DH can go to weddings (or anywhere really) together.

WaitingfortheTardis · 17/04/2023 15:42

We did it fine, though we had a lie flat car seat which means you don't have to stop as often. We just stopped once for a feed and a rest. We wanted to go though, it is one of those things that is worth it if you want to be there, but not if you aren't too fussed.

SlippySarah · 17/04/2023 15:46

googledidnthelp · 17/04/2023 14:47

If it's a reception you want to go to it's doable, if you don't want to go, then it isn't. I found my motivation to get organised and out depended soley on what I wanted to do when DS was that little

Definitely this.

I took my DD to my brothers wedding when she was 5 weeks old but i had lots of family on hand to help. I wouldn't have bothered otherwise.

ApplePie20 · 17/04/2023 15:52

Lots of better people than me on this thread. I would have really struggled. DS cluster fed all evening long from 5-9 weeks and would often be quite colicky and scream a lot in between. I would have just had to sit in a corner topless trying to console a crying baby. Sure it wouldn’t have meant I definitely couldn’t have gone and I would do for a very important person in my life…but it would have been really not very fun.

CremeEggThief · 17/04/2023 15:57

If you really wanted to, of course you could go to an evening reception.
We didn't even put DS down for the night until midnight or 1 am until he was about 3 months old, as he refused to sleep before that time until then!🤣

It doesn't sound as if you do want to go though, so just don't!

shakeitoffsis · 17/04/2023 16:01

@SnackSizeRaisin erm myself and many other millions of women across the world.

ActDottie · 17/04/2023 16:22

I wouldn’t go. Generally I only accept evening wedding invites if it’s local as I’m not forking out on a hotel etc. if they do t consider me a friend enough for the day.

wonkylegs · 17/04/2023 16:23

We did it a few times with both of ours when tiddly, both daytime and nightime wedding receptions.
To be honest it was easier when they were tiny babies than when they got older and more independent.
I even did a major conference event with tons of receptions and dinners with Ds1 at 5wks old in Scotland when DH was keynote speaker (not sure what DH thought was going to happen as DS was 3 weeks early so if he'd arrived on time he would have only been 2wks old🧐😳)
Just remember take it at your pace, staying is easier than driving for a long time there and back, just so you can retreat and hide if you want to.
I did it with a mix of sling and pram.
Baby outfits - don't get stressed they will get pooed on really quickly so will end up in a onesie most of the night anyway.
Feeding - if BF this might be the most stressful bit, finding a comfy outfit you can feed in but honestly no one will care, so wear what feels nice - I'm afraid baby will outshine you anyway
If not BF just make sure you have plenty of bottle for the trip and find out what you'll have access to at the venue (kettle , MW)
Give yourself plenty of time to travel and take breaks
Mine always slept through events like this, the music and the hubbub always seemed to sooth them especially in a sling. The church was always the hardest bit - cold and quiet.

Also if you don't want to go don't stress, new baby is a fab excuse that no one will mind.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 17/04/2023 16:26

i did it with a 2 month old - it was alright! kept her in a sling a lot of the day and she did sleep in the pram too

i however didn't feel amazing - found it very stressful finding something to wear and thought I looked horrible - i didn't really enjoy myself tbh and was dying to leave and go to bed!!

meganorks · 17/04/2023 16:29

Newborns are fairly easy to be honest. They are fairly portable and not really in a routine as such as they just sleep and eat. I took a 6wk old to 2 weddings. We just had her push chair for her and I was breastfeeding so all fairly straight forward. As I was feeding I wasn't drinking so we drove home (both about 40 mins away). When it comes to sleeping at night, I had one who did and one who didn't. Where we were didn't make much difference

ButterCrackers · 17/04/2023 16:34

See how you feel in the recovery after the birth. I went to a reception with my baby and I breastfed through the dinner and whole evening. It was all fine. I wore a top that lifted up well with lots of drap with a shawl and comfy longish skirt. No I’ve really noticed I was breastfeeding, not that matters.

Soontobe60 · 17/04/2023 16:38

It’s a no for me primarily because if the noise. Tiny babies ears are very susceptible to loud noises. They’re too small to wear ear defenders.

IamnotSethRogan · 17/04/2023 16:39

It is completely doable but also fine if you don't fancy it/DH wants to go alone.

Basically if a thing thats meant to be nice will make you miserable what's the point ? People all have different measures for what they find tolerable/fun.

I personally found new borns much easier to travel with then toddlers but not everyone is the same

Dyslexicwonder · 17/04/2023 16:42

Yes it's doable, with DS (DC1) we went to 2 weddings, a trip to Spain and a 70th and a 90th birthday party before he was weaned at 4 months.

Breastfeeding was going well, I was on maternity leave, I don't remember it being that difficult TBH.

thecatsthecats · 17/04/2023 16:45

It could be fine, it could be awful.

Key thing is whether you would really WANT to go if it were fine?

If not, it's not worth the hassle. Three hours is a long way for an evening do that you might not really get to enjoy. If it would be doubtful enjoyment anyway (my in laws cousins would be tedious to me), then I'd skip it.

CheeseAlways · 17/04/2023 16:46

I think it more depends on whether YOU want to do it and how you’re feeling. I agree with earlier PPs that they do sleep a load at that age and love to be in a sling. However I was breastfeeding and had the sorest cracked bleeding nipples and it was a to-do which I would’ve dreaded doing at a wedding. But that’s just my experience - you don’t know, you could be smooth sailing at that point!!

SadAsHell · 17/04/2023 16:59

shakeitoffsis · 17/04/2023 16:01

@SnackSizeRaisin erm myself and many other millions of women across the world.

Agreed!!

Agree with PPs saying its doable if you want to go, but you have an excuse if you don't want to go.

gogohmm · 17/04/2023 17:04

I've done it, went to the whole day with dd at 3 months. Also flew 10 hours with her in a bassinet car seat style. Not sure why someone has posted being more than 20-30 minutes in a car seat, many people have a longer journey home from the hospital! Mine was nearly an hour

imnotsickbutimnotwell · 17/04/2023 17:09

This happened to me and I thought it would be fine. Turned out my baby was 2 weeks late, I was then in hospital for a week with complications so by the time I came out the wedding was the following week and there was no way I was well enough to attend. The couple didn’t understand at all until they had their own kids that is!

I would wait to rsvp until the baby is here.

MissEira · 17/04/2023 17:17

Its easily doable. I took DS on a 24h long distance flight to attend a wedding when he was under 2 months old 🤷🏻‍♀️
If you are both well after birth, then it shouldnt be an issue. Baby will just sleep most of the time. Bring a sling or pram (whatever baby prefers) and you wont even notice hes there 😉

SouthLondonMum22 · 17/04/2023 17:21

I'd leave baby with family and enjoy the hotel with my husband. Though I appreciate not everyone has family nearby or they may even be at the same wedding.

If that isn't possible, I'd bring baby along. Much easier than a toddler in a hotel room, I imagine.

SouthLondonMum22 · 17/04/2023 17:25

SnackSizeRaisin · 17/04/2023 15:20

Overnight at less than 2 months old? Who would do that???

Show quote history

I did.

6 weeks. It was lovely to spend time just with my husband.

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