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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think we can't go to an evening wedding reception with newborn

147 replies

WindUpPenguin · 17/04/2023 14:39

We've been invited to an evening wedding reception. They are actually already married (got married fairly quickly abroad for visa reasons) but are having a reception/celebration this summer. It doesn't start until 7:30 and it's a fair distance from where we live (3 hour drive) so would probably mean an overnight hotel stay, and we will have a newborn (<2 months old).

AIBU to think this is just a no-go? DH thinks it will be do-able, but I am just not sure I will be up to it, and I think managing a tiny baby in the car, at the reception and overnight in a hotel will be tricky!

OP posts:

Hey12345 · 18/04/2023 10:49

CatMattress · 17/04/2023 14:43

Babies aren't supposed to be in a car seat for more than 20-30 minutes at a time when they're so young, so a 3 hour trip will take a damn long time with all the breaks required!

I'd bow out, personally.

Isn’t it 2 hours? Not that I travel far with my newborn, however we live an hour drive away from the hospital so obviously our little one was in her car seat for an hour the day after being born!

Sleepygrumpyandnothappy · 18/04/2023 11:00

I went to a wedding with a 6 week old. We had a 2hr journey by train so we didn’t stay overnight, just got a late train home. DS was in full witching hour mode by then so I was worried, but it was probably the most settled night we had in the fourth trimester. He mainly snoozed in a stretchy wrap and slept right through dinner and the band. So glad we went. I’d be much more daunted doing it now he’s nine months and we have a bedtime and a need for entertainment.

AliceTheeCamel · 18/04/2023 11:00

catgirl1976 · 17/04/2023 18:30

I think the baby would be fine.

but I wouldn’t have wanted to go to an event like the one you describe at less than two months after giving birth.

Agree you could totally make the baby stuff work even that young if it was something you really wanted to do. But I wouldn't have felt up to it myself when DC1 was that age.

HackettGreen · 18/04/2023 11:01

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the user's request.

Phoebo · 18/04/2023 11:02

It's really up to you. If anything a newborn is easy because all they do is sleep. It's harder with a 6 month or older as then you have to worry about naps etc

Phoebo · 18/04/2023 11:04

CatMattress · 17/04/2023 14:43

Babies aren't supposed to be in a car seat for more than 20-30 minutes at a time when they're so young, so a 3 hour trip will take a damn long time with all the breaks required!

I'd bow out, personally.

This is actually correct. Well it was at the time when I was pregnant 20 months ago. Especially a capsule carseat, it's because of the way the baby sits (basically like a banana) and it blocks their airways and oxygen going to their brains.

thecatsthecats · 18/04/2023 11:04

Oopswediditagain2023 · 17/04/2023 22:58

I definitely would go. I've never understood this "I can't go because of the baby".

I think having a baby makes it easier to say no to things that you didn't want to do in the first place.

It's a trump card of unavailability.

My next wedding I'll have a six month old. But when we get the invite, I'll make a call on how "fussy" I think the baby is.

Guy who's getting married is a prick, and I don't know many people at the wedding. So I might prefer my baby's company :D

DistrictCommissioner · 18/04/2023 11:05

It’s totally possible but really up to you. We took DC1 to a wedding at 3 weeks old. She went to a 70th birthday weekend celebration at 6 weeks old. DC2 had a quieter life but DC3 was on holiday in Cornwall at 3 weeks old. Generally they are extremely portable at that age.

Catspyjamas17 · 18/04/2023 11:11

We had a baby two weeks old at our wedding, she was great and slept through the evening. I took DD to the wedding of the parents of that same baby when DD1 was eight weeks old. She wouldn't settle at all and I ended going back to the hotel with her part way through the evening meal. The next wedding I went to (there were a lot when I was 30 years old!) when she was three months old the reception was in the place we were staying and we had a baby sitter with her in the room after we'd put her to bed and that worked well.

I don't think I'd bother with an evening do only with a newborn.

SecondtimeMama29 · 18/04/2023 11:13

CatMattress · 17/04/2023 14:43

Babies aren't supposed to be in a car seat for more than 20-30 minutes at a time when they're so young, so a 3 hour trip will take a damn long time with all the breaks required!

I'd bow out, personally.

I drove 6 hours with my newborn and stopped twice. Don't be so dramatic.

SecondtimeMama29 · 18/04/2023 11:13

CatMattress · 17/04/2023 14:43

Babies aren't supposed to be in a car seat for more than 20-30 minutes at a time when they're so young, so a 3 hour trip will take a damn long time with all the breaks required!

I'd bow out, personally.

They also slept most of the way and we're very chilled.

Frankola · 18/04/2023 11:14

Personally I found the 8/9 week old phase the easiest. Babies that age are easily portable and malable to your routine. We did lots of socialising with ours at that age. They just went in the babysling or pram and got lots of cuddles from family and friends. It was also nice to get a change of scenery.

The long car journey is a bit more difficult though. You'll need lots of regular breaks and this is likely to make the 3 hour journey a fair bit longer.

It comes down to if you want to go or not really

Bambooflowers · 18/04/2023 11:25

I also found this the easiest age and would have done this. You also have the hotel room so you can pop back easily if you fancy it, babies this age tend to feed, sleep and poop.

if you don’t want to though, that’s a different story, and fully understandable, but I’d urge you to start off with your child being fully portable mindset and you can continue as you did before. It honestly makes life easier in the long run, just get yourself used to it.

CatMattress · 18/04/2023 11:29

SecondtimeMama29 · 18/04/2023 11:13

I drove 6 hours with my newborn and stopped twice. Don't be so dramatic.

Show quote history

Just quoting the advice
"Don’t let your baby sleep too long in their car seatExperts have warned not to use car seats as a general place for your baby to sleep in. The advice is not to use car seats for longer than 30 minutes for babies younger than four weeks and not using car seats for more than two hours in one go for babies of all ages.
If it’s essential to make a longer trip for babies younger than four weeks, it’s important to take breaks every 30 minutes. Once you’re home, always move them into their cot, even if it means waking them up."

From

https://www.nct.org.uk/baby-toddler/winter-your-baby/driving-your-baby-or-toddler-long-distance-tips-for-road-trips

Shrug.
I have no skin in this game.

Driving with your baby or toddler long distance: tips for road trips | Baby & toddler articles & support | NCT

If you’re taking the car to your holiday destination or heading off on a road trip, here’s how to make your drive go smoothly

https://www.nct.org.uk/baby-toddler/winter-your-baby/driving-your-baby-or-toddler-long-distance-tips-for-road-trips

Almie · 18/04/2023 12:19

Depends on you and the baby. I'm sure it's perfectly possible, and lots of people would have no issue with this at all.

I, however, was still very much dead to the world at 2 months postpartum (and I didn't even have any birth recovery issues) so it would have been a resounding no from me 🤣

Schoolplacechoicemyth · 18/04/2023 12:26

Babies that tiny are easier than bigger ones. They sleep most of the time and do so easily in pram/arms. I went to a friends wedding when DC was that age, it was fine.
But - be prepared to take the baby out FAST if its being disruptive.

Guiltridden12345 · 18/04/2023 13:08

We did it at 6 weeks. 2 hr drive and chose to drive home after (we left early) so we avoided the overnight hassle. Hotel venue gave me a private room to feed in to get around the dress issue/early BF embarrassment. Baby was amazing, passed around the rellies who all wanted a cuddle. As pp have said they really do just eat and sleep at that age so ironically it is in theory the easiest phase to take a baby somewhere. however, it doesn’t feel like it because you are sleep deprived and a new parent and your head is up your arse and throw in a colicky or cry-y baby and it can easily turn into an awful shit show.

But it all depends on how you are, how your baby is, how you feel at the time. I’d reply saying your partner can definitely come but you and baby will see how you’re doing nearer the time. Anyone who is a friend and/or has had a baby will understand. And then do what you and baby need, not what you think people expect of you.

and ignore the poster who said you’ll have to stop every 15-20 minutes due to car seat rules, if that were genuinely dangerous most modern babies would never survive infancy.

Iwillhavethefullenglishplease · 18/04/2023 13:13

This is the easiest age to take a child to a wedding! If the question was about a 2 year old, I would have probably had a different answer!

HungryandIknowit · 18/04/2023 13:13

Could be fine, could be terrible. Depends on you, the birth, your baby, luck, and possibly whether you are exclusively breastfeeding (as it's a common time for cluster feeding). I wouldn't have wanted to with a baby that age.

hotdiggetydog · 18/04/2023 13:18

If the baby is not on the invite then the question is answered already

Fandabedodgy · 18/04/2023 13:27

Of course you can. If you want to. Life doesn't need to stop cause you have a baby.

But it's an invite not a summons so if you don't want don't.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 18/04/2023 13:30

I think it's fine if you don't want to go, but perfectly doable if you would like to attend.

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