Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think we can't go to an evening wedding reception with newborn

147 replies

WindUpPenguin · 17/04/2023 14:39

We've been invited to an evening wedding reception. They are actually already married (got married fairly quickly abroad for visa reasons) but are having a reception/celebration this summer. It doesn't start until 7:30 and it's a fair distance from where we live (3 hour drive) so would probably mean an overnight hotel stay, and we will have a newborn (<2 months old).

AIBU to think this is just a no-go? DH thinks it will be do-able, but I am just not sure I will be up to it, and I think managing a tiny baby in the car, at the reception and overnight in a hotel will be tricky!

OP posts:
Everydayshouldbe · 17/04/2023 19:04

I wouldn't go three hours away just for an evening reception with or without a baby.

Madcats · 17/04/2023 19:11

DH's old employer was super child-friendly and used to take staff and their families away for an annual conference/weekend. It probably helped that the lady doing the organisation was expecting too, but I had an enjoyable weekend with my then 10 week old (-5 weeks) tiny baby. She was a good sleeper and DH and I could play tag team if she woke up during a meal. A nanny was hired for the evenings and the little ones had a sleeping/nursing room not far away (if parents wanted to leave their pre-schoolers).

We then did a wedding reception at 5 months. I popped DD in a sling for the wedding itself and sat at the back in an aisle seat. For the reception, she slept in a pram and there was an anteroom I could use if she woke up. Seating was juggled about so we could slip away without a fuss. DD was almost on a routine by that point.

So it is very doable if you really want things to happen BUT you might have a fussy baby and might need to resign yourself to spending the night with the little one in a hotel room.

YunaBalloon · 17/04/2023 19:23

It's the journey that would stop me going. An evening reception at that age would be fairly easy otherwise, it's the most portable age!

WhatToDo2023 · 17/04/2023 19:35

I'd just send DH unless you make it a broader weekend away. Otherwise it's a lot of effort for you just so you can be at the meal for a couple of hours.

MuddledMindy · 17/04/2023 20:36

I don't see where the issue is here if you both want to go? Plenty of rest stops there and back, combine with a walk / lunch somewhere nice then baby should sleep through most of do anyway or if not, you and your partner take it in turns to walk / go to room while the other chats to friends !

ShandaLear · 17/04/2023 20:43

If it was my sister and a whole day wedding then I’d move heaven and earth to be there, but this is just the night doo of people who are already married - a buffet and a disco basically. I wouldn’t be expecting people with a newborn to attend and certainly wouldn’t judge them for staying home. If you don’t want to do just decline and say, ‘Sorry we can’t attend as we’ll have a new born at home by then’ or similar.

mackthepony · 17/04/2023 20:44

Don't go

More hassle than it's worth

ShandaLear · 17/04/2023 20:45

Everydayshouldbe · 17/04/2023 19:04

I wouldn't go three hours away just for an evening reception with or without a baby.

Hard agree.

Blondeshavemorefun · 17/04/2023 20:53

Totally Doable if you wanted to go

Newborns easiest. Sleep and feed mainly

And it's 2hrs in a car seat so stop once. Feed. Chnage. And carry on

Lingfield01 · 17/04/2023 21:03

Personally I wouldn’t.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 17/04/2023 21:19

My baby would have been fine at a wedding at that age but I definitely wouldn't have been. I had a very difficult birth and a raging infection in my c-section scar. I wouldn't commit to anything until after you've had the baby.

WonderingWanda · 17/04/2023 21:39

I went to a wedding with ds age 5 weeks old. Was a total novice at bf so had to keep sneaking off because I couldn't be discrete. Ds did not enjoy it or sleep in his pram he screamed and fussed and we had to spend most of the day outside. By the evening he was exhausted...as was I and then the band started up at about ten thousand decibels which was too loud for him and he was unable to sleep through so I ended up leaving. It was not fun to be honest.

shakeitoffsis · 17/04/2023 21:44

I know your only invited to the evening do but my experience was 5 weeks post partum, baby slept 11.30am - 4.30pm had a bottle and then went home with the MIL so we could party 🤣

VestaTilley · 17/04/2023 21:53

3 hours away for a night do? It would have been a no straight away, never mind with a newborn!

No. You might still be recovering, establishing breastfeeding, very sleep deprived, will need loads of car breaks. Send DH alone if you need to, no way would I go.

Quinoawoman · 17/04/2023 21:57

As a 1st time mum with a 2 month old, it would have been a hard no from me. However, looking back now I have two, it would have been fine. Much easier to take a 2 month old than a toddler.

RunAwayNow · 17/04/2023 22:04

Took a newborn and a toddler to an evening do. The newborn was infinitely easier than the toddler!

Oopswediditagain2023 · 17/04/2023 22:58

I definitely would go. I've never understood this "I can't go because of the baby".

User17865 · 17/04/2023 23:07

M340 · 17/04/2023 18:49

The 20 minutes thing is nonsense.

Lullaby trust says you need breaks every 2 hours for a newborn in a car seat.

To the PP who said they can't be in the seat for more than 20 minutes, would you honestly stop 6 times for a 2 hour drive?

No.

You don't need to.
That's totally wrong information.

Their fact sheet says this -

There is no published evidence which sets out how long babies should be kept in a car seat when travelling. However, infant healthcare professionals, safety experts and most car manufacturers recommend that babies should not be in a car seat for longer than 2 hours at a time and they should be taken out frequently.

Car seat manufacturers also say the same on their websites. I wouldn’t drive for 2 hours with a newborn personally unless it was an emergency/unavoidable. If I had to I’d stop every half an hour at least and get them out of their seat to change position and have a stretch.

Fansandblankets · 17/04/2023 23:20

It’s definitely doable but the Trouble is you don’t know how you’ll be feeling. I probably would have gone with my first baby but I probably would have been anxious and no doubt stayed in the room most of the night worried about noise and everything. With subsequent babies I would definitely have gone because I was a lot more relaxed with them.

You might find nearer the time you can’t face it or you might jump at the chance of a change of scenery.

if I were you I’d say yes. If you aren’t enjoying it then you can chill out in the room or take turns with your DH to sit with the baby while the other has a bit of down time.

Jane1727 · 17/04/2023 23:34

I went to a wedding when my baby was 48 hours old. Not sure now how I did it but it was a very close friend and important to me. I just did church and the meal so didn't stay for the whole thing. Also only 30 minute drive. At 2 months would be easier than an older baby. However, you have to do what is right for you. Don't feel pressured.

mnisannoyingAF · 18/04/2023 07:08

We did this exact thing. Stayed next to the venue so I could pop back for bits or a break if needed. Was very easy and really fun but not for everyone and depends on your baby really

Mediocrates · 18/04/2023 09:00

My DB and his wife brought their 12 week old baby to a family wedding with some travelling recently. Baby had ear defenders, lots of close family to help if needed (it wasn’t needed), everyone had a great time and baby got a big welcome into the extended family from those who live further away and hadn’t visited since the birth

MeridaBrave · 18/04/2023 09:06

I think it’s do-able if you want to go. Have seen wedding guests with baby in pram at table. Will probably need to stop on car journey.

anastaisia · 18/04/2023 09:52

You absolutely can if you want to. Babies that small are usually very portable and can just be popped into a sling for something like a wedding reception. Most of them will either be interested in looking at all the people or they’ll be a bit overstimulated and keep falling asleep.

But if it feels like too much effort, or that you won’t be able to relax and have fun, or if your baby is one who cries all evening with colic/reflux symptoms and you’re too worried about managing that in public, or any other reason, you shouldn’t allow yourself to be pressured into it - the person/people actually dealing with the baby should get to decide what they’re comfortable with and it’s okay to decline if it will be too much for you so soon after having a baby.

I would definitely ask if you can give a provisional yes and update them after the birth - baby may arrive early or late, you may find you need more or less recovery time depending on how things go, you may have an easy time with feeding or still be figuring things out at that point, you might have a super chilled baby and feel like it’s easy to take them places or a baby who needs a lot of attention in the evenings and it feels a bit too much. Hopefully they’ll let you confirm a little bit closer to the time if you explain it’s because you will have just recently given birth…

philautia · 18/04/2023 10:31

I wouldn't go, no way! It's just an evening do. I've been to a family wedding before with a newborn and it was totally fine, but did not stay for the evening.