Holiday accommodation & DD

[PotsAndDishes]

Before I roll out my picnic blanket to sit on the proverbial hill I’m choosing to metaphorically die on, AIBU?

We’re going away on holiday with extended family in June. Accommodation is a large villa with additional connected apartments, but with separate entrances. There’s also a pool which is unfenced. Current proposal is that those with young kids (<3) take the apartments, thus ring fencing the kerfuffle at 6:30am when they all wake up, and letting those in the main house get a bit of a holiday lie in.

I have said, OK, makes sense but obviously either DH or I will effectively go to bed with DD (2) each night because I don’t want to leave her by herself in a different building (separate entrances) with potential hazards around (unfenced pool, one apt is up stone steps with a balcony, what if the air con catches fire).

According to the in-laws, I’m being TOTALLY unreasonable, PFB-esque, nothing will happen to her, just lock all of the doors so she can’t get out, it’s no different to her being asleep upstairs in the house, I’m creating a rod for my own back, just whack on a baby monitor, blah blah blah.

So, AIBU? Should I chill out, take the monitor, hope it stretches and enjoy my evenings in the main villa?
Or AINBU and leaving a 2 year old asleep locked in a different building isn’t really OK?

My first thought too - the fact that doing this almost always works out OK isn’t much consolation if you are the .001% of times it doesn’t.

If Uncle Eric wants to sleep in late undisturbed then he’s best in a studio, he’ll be in bed anyway, wtf is the point of him being in a villa. And expecting you and others with young kids to sit in a studio apartment until he wakes up is mad. Plus it makes breakfast together for the kids impossible.

YANBU. While I could sort of understand the concept of it being no different from being in your garden at home while DD slept upstairs, the biggest difference to me is a MM related one:

You won't be the only one that has keys to your apartment! Any old Tom, Dick or Pedro could have a spare set and let themselves in while your back is turned.

I'd be minded to say the whole set up is the wrong way round. Put all the people with kids in the main villa. That's where everyone hangs out of an evening, but the kids can go to bed in the same property.

Those that want a lie in can have the separate studios where they get their own dedicated space away from the small children.

I don't have DC and if I was going on a mixed holiday with this accommodation set up, I'd much prefer having the space to escape too!

I’d try and put her to bed in the main apartment too. But in the future I’d not be too amenable to holidays that don’t suit small children, as what happens with large families like that is by the time the younger ones have babies they expect everything to work for babies exactly the way they expect things to work for people without children now. So prepare yourself to say actually we are going to x for the hiking and rock climbing which suits our dc, no it won’t suit the babies, thats a shame but our dc are so excited.

Travelled with all of mine from very young (4 months). I find that kids are really adaptable and it's grown ups that are harder to predict.

Did long haul and road trips across US. Stayed with family, hotels and self catering. Self catering was best. Hated holidays with family because it became all about their needs (we paid for everyone). See what happens - you could always use the kids bedtime as an excuse to get away if you need to

The room/accomodation set up makes absolute sense to be fair.

If I didn't have young kids I'd also like to avoid being woken up by them on holiday and I think that's reasonable.

I wouldn't be leaving my kids in an apartment while I'm in the villa though, but as others have suggested I think letting them sleep and then carrying them over is a decent idea.

As to you or your partner getting a lie in.....I guess if you're that bothered perhaps you could take a single air bed with you to put your child on in the villa and when you move her across to the apartment you or your husband can sleep on the single air mattress one night to get a lie in?

Nope I wouldn’t. I’m quite a ‘lax’ parent I think, but you have to consider worst case scenarios. If worst case scenario means things like a child falling out of bed (because first time sleeping in a proper bed) or child waking and not knowing where they are (because they’re sleeping in a separate room to you), those are risks I’d gladly take for the good of the community/ family.

I’d certainly not be taking risks like you mention where worst case scenario is abduction and/or death. Family can say what they want.

In his defence, uncle Eric is a delight and adores DD. He lives in a swanky loft apartment with his DH, has no experience of life with a toddler and did what, on paper, makes sense in terms of the room planning. It’s really FIL and, actually, the other two sets of parents who are objecting solely to the idea that leaving DD by herself is not something I want to do. And all other solutions I’ve suggested (including transitioning from main villa when we go to bed) are met with disdain - I can virtually feel the eye rolls through WhatsApp.

I very much feel like shouting “I’m a BIG GIRL, not say no!” like DD does at me occasionally.

I feel for you op.

It sounds like this holiday is going to be one big compromise for you.

I would take the time to spend a day or parts of a few days away from everyone else to ensure that you get to do the things you want to do as a family unit

I've been to two similar places and one I felt comfortable with as it was just like being in the same house and we sat outside anyway as it was warm. The other which looked ok on paper I was really uncomfortable with so didn't leave them. I'd take monitor and decide once you've seen it but you're definitely not being unreasonable!

I think it's also ok for one of you to use the communal area in the morning! Maybe not 6:30 but by 7:30! I remember holidaying when I was young and single with my nieces and nephews and I shared a room with one toddler - just understood family holidays evolving even if I didn't have children at the time.

You may be happy to have the option of retreating to your villa in the evening. I agree that having families in the big house would be preferable as you will need to go there at some point in the morning and it will be nicer if parents can share breakfast / child care in the mornings.

Why are you ignoring posters reminding you of Madelaine Mccann?

Why are you discussing it in a WhatsApp. It doesn't matter to them where you are/where DD sleeps. Just reply with "looking forward to it 😊" every time.

Then when you get there let her stay up a bit later/put her to sleep in her pushchair/go back early with her etc.

Reclining buggy is your friend. Personally I just let mine stay up as late as they wanted on holiday anyway - I preferred them to lie in

People say this like it's a given. If mine stayed up late at 2, they would generally get up even earlier than usual.

Now that DS1 is 6, it does work

DS is 11 and even now I want eyes on him pretty much always.
My guard is even higher on holiday than it is at home. He's always with one of us in the pool at all times even though he can swim competently, and always within grabbing distance.
When he was smaller, we had a buggy. He happily snuggled in there with a pashmina tucked around him to sleep when we were out having a few drinks, now he could easily outlast us staying up late.

I'd just keep her with you in a buggy and taupe her to bed when you go.

That said, I'm a super laid back parent but small children and an unfenced pool is a recipe for the world's least relaxing holiday.

I wouldn't be putting the kids to sleep in a separate building full stop. They're crazy!

Wouldn’t it make more sense to put those with small kids in the main villa só you could all stay near them when they all go to bed ?

YANBU
The logical approach would be to put all the families with young DC in the main villa so parents can keep an ear out downstairs while the DC are in bed upstairs. Then the older families can toddle off to their private pool view apartments late at night and have a lie in or not on their own terms.

I wouldn't do it, but I really wouldn't be starting a theoretical argument about it in advance either.

When you are there, nobody will notice or care if you go to put DD down and don't come back or if she sleeps at the side of the main room in a buggy.

To bring up this level of detail, which sounds like nitpicking and complaining, when someone else is doing the organising. That's quite bad form. Maybe it's not so much the content of what you're saying, but the way and timing.

Same, we don't holiday with other people unless they are almost exact same ages or situation as us.

In fact on holiday in a new place, your guards should be raised not relaxed.

Yeah I agree that the families with small kids should get the villa. You’ll need the communal areas when the kids get up- if you have got to be up at 6.30 on holiday far more civilised to have a coffee and chat to others in the same position than be stuck in a studio. Plus you’ll want the kitchen with the food in it, TV and access to the outside. Put either the judgy old people or the hipsters in the studio wings. As for the 2 couples who are in the house with the kids, I am sure that there’ll be some bedrooms which have a bit more distance and that’s sort of the deal if you go on holiday with young families. There’s no way on earth they’re going to get silence until 10am, though I am sure you’ll be considerate.

Don't do anything on holiday you wouldn't feel comfortable doing at home. So if you wouldn't lock her in at home and go to your next door neighbour don't do it on holiday.

We had a few days in large hotel when DD1 was 2.5yrs and we put her to bed in hotel room at 7pm, she was in deep sleep by 8 so we transferred her into buggy and draped towel over it and went to quiet end of dining room for a leisurely dinner. Then all went back up to room about 10.30 and popped her back into her bed.
Could you do something like this in quiet corner of the villa?