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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday accommodation & DD

242 replies

PotsAndDishes · 17/04/2023 13:03

Before I roll out my picnic blanket to sit on the proverbial hill I’m choosing to metaphorically die on, AIBU?

We’re going away on holiday with extended family in June. Accommodation is a large villa with additional connected apartments, but with separate entrances. There’s also a pool which is unfenced. Current proposal is that those with young kids (<3) take the apartments, thus ring fencing the kerfuffle at 6:30am when they all wake up, and letting those in the main house get a bit of a holiday lie in.

I have said, OK, makes sense but obviously either DH or I will effectively go to bed with DD (2) each night because I don’t want to leave her by herself in a different building (separate entrances) with potential hazards around (unfenced pool, one apt is up stone steps with a balcony, what if the air con catches fire).

According to the in-laws, I’m being TOTALLY unreasonable, PFB-esque, nothing will happen to her, just lock all of the doors so she can’t get out, it’s no different to her being asleep upstairs in the house, I’m creating a rod for my own back, just whack on a baby monitor, blah blah blah.

So, AIBU? Should I chill out, take the monitor, hope it stretches and enjoy my evenings in the main villa?
Or AINBU and leaving a 2 year old asleep locked in a different building isn’t really OK?

OP posts:
Iwasafool · 17/04/2023 17:14

HurryShadow · 17/04/2023 14:43

YANBU. While I could sort of understand the concept of it being no different from being in your garden at home while DD slept upstairs, the biggest difference to me is a MM related one:

You won't be the only one that has keys to your apartment! Any old Tom, Dick or Pedro could have a spare set and let themselves in while your back is turned.

I'd be minded to say the whole set up is the wrong way round. Put all the people with kids in the main villa. That's where everyone hangs out of an evening, but the kids can go to bed in the same property.

Those that want a lie in can have the separate studios where they get their own dedicated space away from the small children.

I don't have DC and if I was going on a mixed holiday with this accommodation set up, I'd much prefer having the space to escape too!

There aren't enough studios for all the childless adults so unless someone actually wants to be woken up early by other people's children it won't work.

KittyAlfred · 17/04/2023 17:40

After an early morning and a day with a load of people I’d be happy to retreat to the studio with my 3 year old at their bed time!

thinkfast · 17/04/2023 17:45

I think the division of the bedrooms sounds fair OP.

Yes, I can see why you might prefer to be in the main house, but I can also empathise with why the current plan is fair.

However, I totally agree with you that you DD shouldn't be left alone in an appartment at night with you next door. Either she sleeps in the main house and you transfer her, or one of you stays with her.

Original poster
PotsAndDishes · 17/04/2023 17:47

KittyAlfred · 17/04/2023 17:40

After an early morning and a day with a load of people I’d be happy to retreat to the studio with my 3 year old at their bed time!

To be fair, a 9pm bedtime with my kindle, a stash of snacks and silence is my idea of complete joy.

OP posts:
Acornsoup · 17/04/2023 17:49

Hoping your studio has a fridge and kettle etc so you can chill out Wine

KittyAlfred · 17/04/2023 17:50

PotsAndDishes · 17/04/2023 17:47

To be fair, a 9pm bedtime with my kindle, a stash of snacks and silence is my idea of complete joy.

Show quote history

Exactly! I reckon by day 2 you and your DH will be fighting over who gets to slope off to chill out

ladycardamom · 17/04/2023 22:07

No, YNBU. Set up totally inappropriate for young children. My main worry would be the pool. You'll have to keep DD next to you at all times. I wouldn't be able to relax.

PollyPut · 17/04/2023 23:14

Remind them of Madeliene McCann and that the biggest cause of death of French children is drowning.

I understand that unfenced pools are illegal in France for this reason - not sure whether or not you are going there.

There might be steps in the building that DC could fall down.

Assuming this place is booked then I would be looking to stay in main property; or making a plan to move child across when asleep (although in my experience child wakes up distressed and confused when they are in a different location so this doesn't work). Or just enjoying some me-time in the evening with child and a good book.

MeridaBrave · 18/04/2023 07:34

Can’t you have a rota? Or move her later? But yes wouldn’t leave child in bed in another building. But I do see the argument for a lie in.

MrsRonaldWeasley · 18/04/2023 08:23

You are not being unreasonable at all! No way would I leave my 2 year old alone in a building… even if it is attached to the main building. There are all the potential hazards you mentioned and no doubt others that you haven’t thought of. Your in-laws are being ridiculous and I would take your DDs bedtime as the perfect opportunity to get away from them and have some chill time yourself.

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/04/2023 08:40

The kids are going to want to go in the pool by 8am. They’ll be annoying the villa users anyway. I’d have them in the main villa with uncle Eric in an apartment.

CalpolDependant · 18/04/2023 08:48

I actually live like this - we have an annex in our garden, which contains guest accommodation, a home office and a cinema room. It is 42 metres from the main building (around a 50 second walk down a well lit path… or a 20 second run in an emergency).

The main house is secure, safe and has a full system of wifi enabled fire and CO2 alarms that are linked to our phones. Plus, Ring doorbells and an intercom system.

Despite this, I have NEVER ever left my young children to sleep alone in the house while we watch a film or whatnot. They come down with us and go to bed in the guest bedroom. And we carry them back up with us at bedtime.

As of this year, my eleven year old is allowed to be in the house alone, but not to sleep. So far, she never chooses to be. Prefers to watch movies with us.

What I’m saying is… even with all the precautions in place, in my home, I don’t do it. So, in a random holiday villa? Nah.

LudicrouslyCapaciousBag · 18/04/2023 08:48

Who is paying?

Catspyjamas17 · 18/04/2023 09:03

When we went away with inlaws we always just had separate apartments - Dh, DDs and me in one, inlaws in the other. Is there no way of dividing things up like that? Having all the kids sleeping separately is a weird and unsafe way of doing things, and all the parents will have to go over to the kids bit in morning which will be a pain and wake everyone up anyway.

skyeisthelimit · 18/04/2023 09:05

YANBU 100% if it is a separate property and there is a swimming pool. The swimming pool alone is a reason not to leave children unattended at all times.

If they cant understand the danger, and the obvious thoughts of what happened to MM then they need a serious talking to.

Your DH needs to stand up for you here as well. The other parents may be happy to risk their DC but that doesn't mean that you have to, especially if DD is younger than their DC.

BoogleOogle · 18/04/2023 09:07

It's your in-laws? I would then relish the opportunity to retreat to my apartment at 7pm with a bottle of wine and a book to read on my phone each night.

Schnooze · 18/04/2023 09:09

If you are happy to retire early with her, then leave it now, go and then do whatever you need/want to when you get there.

user1492757084 · 18/04/2023 09:13

All go to bed together, slightly later.

You will be needing your own space by the end of the day anyway.

Pollydolly13 · 18/04/2023 09:17

You need to do what you feel comfortable with. I wouldn’t leave mine locked in/alone.

Original poster
PotsAndDishes · 18/04/2023 09:18

LudicrouslyCapaciousBag · 18/04/2023 08:48

Who is paying?

We’re paying our share, think BIL may be doing the same and believe FIL is covering the rest of the cost.

OP posts:
Cherry85 · 18/04/2023 09:22

I am so confused.....this is an obvious issue! Do they just perefer the big house and are making excuses?

Just suggest swapping so all the young children are contained in the house in the morning and all the adults in apartments can have a peaceful lie in. Sell it that those with older kids can send theirs in to you in the house giving them peace and quiet.

Not to be dramatic but maddy mcanns parents were just across a pool with doors locked and we all know what happened there.

LudicrouslyCapaciousBag · 18/04/2023 09:25

PotsAndDishes · 18/04/2023 09:18

We’re paying our share, think BIL may be doing the same and believe FIL is covering the rest of the cost.

Show quote history

Put your foot down, then. If Uncle Eric wants the privilege of dictating the sleeping arrangements then he can pay for it.

And remember all this the next time they suggest the special hell of an extended family holiday.

KvotheTheBloodless · 18/04/2023 09:25

I'd never leave DS in a separate building, and he's 5, not 2! It's just not worth the risk (and TBH I'd quite enjoy sitting alone with my book and a nice cup of tea!).

Notjustabrunette · 18/04/2023 09:26

You cannot leave a child in a locked apartment on their own. What if there was a fire for example?

BritInAus · 18/04/2023 09:27

All the people saying 'let her stay up later' - firstly, does nobody else's child still wake up early however late they go to bed?
And don't the adults want to enjoy a couple of child-free hours in the evening?