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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel guilty about missing DH's cousin's wedding

141 replies

eighteenthirtyeight · 16/04/2023 18:41

It's a child-free wedding. My parents will be on holiday, and DH's parents will be attending the wedding.

We won't therefore have appropriate childcare.

DH's cousin is disappointed and sad we can't attend.

I feel guilty despite it being completely out of my control!

AIBU.

OP posts:
Stickworm · 16/04/2023 18:42

Why can’t DH go?

tactum · 16/04/2023 18:43

Why can't your DH go??

Octonaut4Life · 16/04/2023 18:43

Well then if they're that disappointed they didn't have to have a child free wedding!

Toottooot · 16/04/2023 18:44

You look after your kid and your husband goes - easy peasy. 🙄

ThinWomansBrain · 16/04/2023 18:44

the cousin must be aware that you have children.
Why is DH not able to attend alone?

Original poster
eighteenthirtyeight · 16/04/2023 18:45

tactum · 16/04/2023 18:43

Why can't your DH go??

Suppose he could but we've been invited as a couple.

He doesn't want to go without me really.

OP posts:
Nowvoyager99 · 16/04/2023 18:45

Surely DH will go on his own?

xnyl · 16/04/2023 18:46

If it's child free and you have children and no childcare there's not much you can do, unless DH goes alone. Failing that, idk why cousin would be upset if they chose a child free wedding

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 16/04/2023 18:46

Why on earth wouldn't he want to go by himself?

TrueScrumptious · 16/04/2023 18:46

Well, of course he goes on his own. There’s no problem here.

itsnotyourfence · 16/04/2023 18:46

Weird he wouldn’t go
its not like he won’t know anyone 🤣 or if he doesn’t you go instead

Nowvoyager99 · 16/04/2023 18:47

Sorry - just seen your update.

Then his cousin has every reason to be hacked off with DH. I would be upset if my cousin did this.

Can't go without his wife? Seriously? Or is there a huge made up dripfeed coming saying DH has a disability?

MelchiorsMistress · 16/04/2023 18:47

Of course YABU. They don’t have the right to express sadness that you can’t go when they have chosen to make it difficult for you to go. You’ve done nothing wrong so you have nothing to feel guilty about.

RiktheButler · 16/04/2023 18:48

eighteenthirtyeight · 16/04/2023 18:45

Suppose he could but we've been invited as a couple.

He doesn't want to go without me really.

Show quote history

Doesn't sound like you feel all that guilty then

BellaJuno · 16/04/2023 18:49

You don’t need to feel bad if the bride and groom have added a condition to attend that you’re unable to comply with. You should feel bad about your DH not going by himself unless there’s a massive drip feed about why you need him to stay away.

MILLYmo0se · 16/04/2023 18:50

The cousin is allowed be sad your DH isnt going but I dont know why you d feel guilty, its DHs decision and choice not to go, its just one of those situations, no one needs to feel bad or guilty about it. Cousin is probably surprised DH isnt going, I am, but its up to him.

Carriemac · 16/04/2023 18:53

Why don't you get a babysitter ?

Miscellaneousme · 16/04/2023 18:54

Suggest to your DH that he goes alone?

treespouse · 16/04/2023 18:56

I'd be upset with my cousin if he didn't show up and stayed at home with his wife instead of coming on his own. You were invited as a couple but you can't get childcare so he goes on his own surely. Are you joined at the hip??

snowlady4 · 16/04/2023 18:56

Don't feel guilty, it's disappointing to have to miss out.
I understand why he doesn't want to go alone. Wedding's are a huge faff and expense (I had one at Easter which cost over £1000 for the 2 of us to attend!,) so I tend to see them as a bit of a holiday and prefer to go as a couple- make the most of a hotel etc- rather than go alone.
Pity there is no possibility of you arranging childcare to be able to go, but just one of those things unfortunately.

NeedToChangeName · 16/04/2023 18:57

New baby, multiple children, wedding far away = fair enough DH doesn't go

Older children, local wedding = no reason not to get a babysitter, or DH could easily go on his own

FirstFallopians · 16/04/2023 18:57

I don’t think anyone is being unreasonable here.

The cousin is within their rights to have a childfree wedding.

DH isn’t unreasonable to not fancy a family wedding without his partner, especially if there’s money involved for travel or accommodation.

It’s a shame but it is what it is- no point anyone dwelling on it.

Original poster
eighteenthirtyeight · 16/04/2023 18:57

Carriemac · 16/04/2023 18:53

Why don't you get a babysitter ?

Because whilst I'm fine for them to left in the evening after I've done bedtime, I'm not comfortable with them being left with a stranger all day. The youngest is only 14 months old.

OP posts:
IhearyouClemFandango · 16/04/2023 18:58

Disappointing not to go if you like weddings, but no reason DH can't go alone, so I can understand why the cousin may be disappointed 5hat he doesn't.

Pencilsaremylife · 16/04/2023 18:58

Is getting a babysitter organised out of the question?
If your DH is not leaving you alone after you have delivered the banned child or there is another reason you need him at home, then he should go alone. If it were your cousin you should go alone.
If your DH doesn’t want to go then he should be the one speaking to his cousin as it seems he’s just not that bothered about going , no reason for you to worry about the cousin being sad

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