What will school actually be able to do about this?

[NotGettingRidOfPetsPlease]

DC aged 8 Y4, new pupil joining the class.

The child is so allergic to cats and dogs fur that they have been hospitalised with it according to the mum and they can’t even put up with a small amount of fur on someone on the other side of the classroom, this is apparently the reason they left the last school because of the schools lack of doing anything about it – they live on our street and I gave school permission for my details to be passed on.

The mum is obviously very worried about their DC starting a new school and class and asked me if I know about pets within the class.

I have pets, as does DCs dad. DC has SN, and the animals in both homes are brilliant at helping to regulate emotions and also with their social skills as we do dog parties and obedience training.

I know the teacher has a couple of pets, and of DCs immediate group of friends (6 DC) I only know one without either a cat or dog or both. Then in the wider class I know around 50% have pets, its just the way it is.

The mum of the DC says they left the last school because the Headteacher “refused to keep their DC safe when in class” she said she expected her DC to be in a class with only DC who didn’t have pets and they couldn’t guarantee this so they changed schools.

Apparently they’ve had assurances from the HT that their DC will be safe in class.

The mum doesn’t know we have pets and has not met my DC yet as DC has been with their dad for the last week (home now).

Bar asking for clean unpethaired uniform and asking us to lint roller/change the uniform if it does come into contact with a pet, I don’t see what else the HT can expect. Unless she’s expecting 14/15 families (possibly more due to separated parents) plus the teacher to rehome their animals? Which I don’t think she would ask anyway.

I’m worrying about this though, I don’t want my DC to feel pressured to get rid of their pet due to their classmate – which they would ask of me/ExH due to their SN, they love everyone and wouldn’t want someone to suffer.

So what else can the parent expect the HT to do? And do I need to be worried that I might be expected to get rid of our dog?

Absolutely this. This is their problem and it's not anyone's business to change their lives for! Ridiculous, I wouldn't even give it a second thought worrying about it. She needs to hS her kid if that's the case.

I also have cat hair allergy- has been a total pita at times and made me occasionally quite ill.

Obviously I don’t have a cat and don’t go near them but it has has never even occured to me that others should change their behaviours to accommodate me!

but presumably you've not asked her school to ensure she's not in the same class as anyone who owns a cat?

Why on earth would you even let yourself worry an inch?

My dd has a few allergies and anaphylaxis to fish and she swells up if in the same room as a cat, yet she went through school quite happily with people who lived with cats. Before playdates I would just ask whether they had a cat or had a cat visit or had recently lost a cat. If it was yes then the child came here for playdates. Dd takes antihistamines daily and the school were very careful and clued up about the fish allergy but unless they were planning to have a visiting cat other than letting me know so that I could warn them of the problem I wouldn't have expected more.

The mum has clearly heard what she wants to hear. No HT would promise that.

I'll be interested to see how this one plays out. Please keep us updated on what happens @NotGettingRidOfPetsPlease

School can't do anything to stop you having pets. DC needs to be home schooled l. Mum of DC being unreasonable to expect this....

If her child has a severe allergy then wouldn’t she have an epipen on her at all times? My DD 4 is allergic to nuts and eggs so carries two on her everywhere she’s goes. Her nursery do their best to limit contact around her but are prepared if the worse case happened. They are all trained on what symptoms to look out for, how to use the epipen and have asked no children brings food from outside into nursery as they need monitor what foods are around child with all various allergies.

But the child isn’t going to just come into contact with kids in their own class, there’s a whole school full of children. And all children move around the school, to the hall, playground, up and down the corridors brushing against other children. Their coats are in a cloakroom surrounded by other coats which occasionally get knocked to the floor, kicked around a bit and then picked up again.
The child must travel to and from school and I’d assume visit shops, doctor’s surgeries, the library —- there’s always going to be dander from animals around.
Unless the child lives in a bubble I can’t see how she or he can avoid animal hair.

Not. Your. Problem

Child should be homeschooled if they're that severe.

Repeat - not your problem!

She explained why…

“I don’t want my DC to feel pressured to get rid of their pet due to their classmate – which they would ask of me/ExH due to their SN, they love everyone and wouldn’t want someone to suffer.”

Her child has SN and more easily pressured/swayed as a result.

The school passed on your phone number? Is this a thing? Admittedly when my eldest was at primary school WhatsApp didn't exist, and my other child is only old enough for nursery, so I'm a little out of the loop, but why on earth would a new parent be put in touch with another parent by the school??

Poor kid. Either a life threatening allergy that can't be sensibly managed, or a mother who isn't teaching her how to manage her allergy while still living life.

We have no pets and that won't change - but there's two dogs at DC's after school club so even we wouldn't be suitable.

I'd consider giving the school a heads up about the mother's expectations, but probably best just to keep your nose out.

I wouldn't even do that. There's clearly no way the headteacher is going to request that every child/family gets rid of their pet and then also, doesn't visit any relatives with pets whilst in their uniform, so I'd just stay out of it.
I understand her concerns, it must be very worrying for her, but what she is asking for (or thinks she is going to get) is completely unreasonable.
I feel very sorry for her poor child, moving school is a huge upheaval at any time, but at secondary school age - it's massive.

@NotGettingRidOfPetsPlease as shitty as it is, don't encourage any further relationships or make it clear you have pets and the mum will probably distance herself anyways.

There is nothing the school can do about it. They can ask various things, but they can't enforce it. Normally they wouldn't mention it to the other children either , unless there is a specific need. So if your child and hers won't be particularly close, there's no reason for them to know the extent of the allergy or be pressured or made to feel guilty. And if they are, you can always minimise it (I don't normally encourage this,but it's so much difficult to navigate with ASD) and tell them they can take medicine for it and they will be fine.

You tried to do a nice thing being a point of contact for this mum, but sadly it's worrying you and affects your life. There's just no need for that, so take a step back.

i honestly dont know what th8is woman expects-unless the school have lied to her about noone having pets its insane to think anywhere wouldnt have some form of animal hair

yes the head teacher will demand all pets are rehomed for the safety of a child who doesn't live with the pets...

My daughter has a child in her class with a peanut allergy. We have been asked to ensure that children come to school with clean hands, faces and teeth. The school is a peanut free school. My daughter loves peanut butter on toast for breakfast and has it regularly. So far no issues.

The mum's a weirdo. Avoid.

I knew I'd read a similar thread before. Wonder if it's the same family. I may spend too much time here...

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4291557-AIBU-Dog-vs-neighbours-allergic-child

How absolutely ludicrous

Agree!

@Iwillhavethefullenglishplease The kids are 8/9 so Year 4.

Reasonable for the school to send a missive along the lines of “Sarah is joining 4B this term. She is severely allergic to pet hair, so her parents and the school would be enormously grateful if you could bear this in mind and keep the children’s uniform as free from pet hair as possible. Thank you so much for your support.”

Also reasonable to ask if people would mind letting them know if they have regular contact with a dog or cat and sitting Sarah next to the kids who don’t. But any more than that? No. You can’t dictate other’s behaviour. And - as a pp said - what about a guide dog? Whose rights or needs come first then? All the school can do is make sure that this child’s condition is known and request that others are considerate.

@JenniferBarkley I remember that thread too, I didn't think I spent too much time here but I clearly do!