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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What will school actually be able to do about this?

201 replies

NotGettingRidOfPetsPlease · 16/04/2023 18:00

DC aged 8 Y4, new pupil joining the class.

The child is so allergic to cats and dogs fur that they have been hospitalised with it according to the mum and they can’t even put up with a small amount of fur on someone on the other side of the classroom, this is apparently the reason they left the last school because of the schools lack of doing anything about it – they live on our street and I gave school permission for my details to be passed on.

The mum is obviously very worried about their DC starting a new school and class and asked me if I know about pets within the class.

I have pets, as does DCs dad. DC has SN, and the animals in both homes are brilliant at helping to regulate emotions and also with their social skills as we do dog parties and obedience training.

I know the teacher has a couple of pets, and of DCs immediate group of friends (6 DC) I only know one without either a cat or dog or both. Then in the wider class I know around 50% have pets, its just the way it is.

The mum of the DC says they left the last school because the Headteacher “refused to keep their DC safe when in class” she said she expected her DC to be in a class with only DC who didn’t have pets and they couldn’t guarantee this so they changed schools.

Apparently they’ve had assurances from the HT that their DC will be safe in class.

The mum doesn’t know we have pets and has not met my DC yet as DC has been with their dad for the last week (home now).

Bar asking for clean unpethaired uniform and asking us to lint roller/change the uniform if it does come into contact with a pet, I don’t see what else the HT can expect. Unless she’s expecting 14/15 families (possibly more due to separated parents) plus the teacher to rehome their animals? Which I don’t think she would ask anyway.

I’m worrying about this though, I don’t want my DC to feel pressured to get rid of their pet due to their classmate – which they would ask of me/ExH due to their SN, they love everyone and wouldn’t want someone to suffer.

So what else can the parent expect the HT to do? And do I need to be worried that I might be expected to get rid of our dog?

OP posts:
EmmaGrundyForPM · 17/04/2023 10:51

@NewNovember the two scenarios are completely different.

If there is a request not to eat nuts on a plane, I can easily comply. It's for a few hours. there are other options, it's not going to impact my emotional health.

Suddenly mixing up classes based on who has a pet is ridiculous. And it will impact on the children. There are sometimes good reasons to shuffle classes around, but this isn't one of them.

As others have said, unless the child is kept in a bubble, he will be exposed to people who have pets. If he is so severely allergic that being in the same room as anyone who has been in contact with an animal is impossible, then he sadly cannot have any normality in his life. He can never go into a shop, a cinema, a museum, an art gallery, travel on a Train, bus or plane.

In the school setting he presumably can never take part in assemblies, eat in the lunch hall, or interact with anyone outside his class.

Asking the school to be nut free is straightforward. Asking the school to be pet dander free is impossible.

MILLYmo0se · 17/04/2023 12:16

Thinking about this again im wondering was it just an issue with the last school and how they handled things eg not notifying mum when child began having a reaction, failure to deal with meds correctly etc? That would explain mums feeling that child isnt safe without it being that she had ridiculous expectations and she has been assured by the Head in this school that they have the awareness to monitor and respond correctly. She could be asking about pets to get an idea of homes tgat might suit for playdates or children to sit beside hers, poor wayto go about it but not totally OTT either
I just cant see how any parent thinks their child will be in a hair/dander free environment, this must be crossed wires? Hopefully, or that mum will be very disappointed again!

katmarie · 17/04/2023 12:21

NewNovember · 16/04/2023 22:27

Gosh yes how terrible unfair that a child may have to move class so someone isn't seriously ill. I bet you are one of those people who eats nuts in aeroplanes despite being asked not to.

Show quote history

I can't stand nuts so don't eat them anywhere 😂

Original poster
NotGettingRidOfPetsPlease · 17/04/2023 13:02

We've had a email this morning from school asking us to let them know via email if we have pets and asking that if we do can we try and ensure pets aren't around our child when they're wearing their uniform and to try to avoid touching pets on the way into school.

Which I think is fair enough and can see what they're trying to do.

OP posts:
Hayliebells · 17/04/2023 13:13

Yes I can understand why they've asked that, and whilst they can ask it, they can't insist on it. I think the school are just covering themselves with that email, tbh I don't think they really think that everyone is going to keep their kids away from their pets when they're wearing school uniform. Conscientious parents like yourselves might, but many won't. The parent of the allergic child does need to accept there is an element of risk, and there's little that the school can really do about it. To eliminate the risks, they would need to home school. From the schools perspective, an individual health care plan would lay out how the school and parents can manage that risk, in terms of staff training in EpiPen use etc. What it would not do is detail that the school should eliminate the risk that the child will come into contact with this sort of allergen.

StillWantingADog · 17/04/2023 13:18

Agree with above school is covering themselves with that email and can’t possibly expect any kind of enforcement.

some families will be compliant. Others will simply forget or not bother.

niugboo · 17/04/2023 13:19

Hayliebells · 17/04/2023 13:13

Yes I can understand why they've asked that, and whilst they can ask it, they can't insist on it. I think the school are just covering themselves with that email, tbh I don't think they really think that everyone is going to keep their kids away from their pets when they're wearing school uniform. Conscientious parents like yourselves might, but many won't. The parent of the allergic child does need to accept there is an element of risk, and there's little that the school can really do about it. To eliminate the risks, they would need to home school. From the schools perspective, an individual health care plan would lay out how the school and parents can manage that risk, in terms of staff training in EpiPen use etc. What it would not do is detail that the school should eliminate the risk that the child will come into contact with this sort of allergen.

They know.

just like as the parent of autoimmune kid I know that selfish parents will send kids in within 48 hours of a vomiting bug, not wait for chicken pox to scab before going out etc etc. it is what it is.

Gondala · 17/04/2023 13:25

Yes I think that's all they can do but parents can only do their best. Whilst weather is nice it's easier to keep uniform away from pets but in the winter it may be harder to keep uniform away when clothes need to be dried on airers ect.

mollyoppy · 17/04/2023 13:47

And do I need to be worried that I might be expected to get rid of our dog?

Did you really need to ask this? Really? Come on, have a bit of sense. I'm wondering what sort of utterly bonkers things you would do if someone else told you to.

Holliegee · 17/04/2023 18:46

It would be like a child with a severe nut allergy - nobody in the school or in the homes of people who attended the school would be able to eat nuts.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 17/04/2023 18:49

I mean it’s not realistic that a child can keep away from their dog or cat before going to school. They would have to get dressed immediately before leaving the house and not rewear the same uniform again the next day, it’s just not possible.

MelchiorsMistress · 17/04/2023 18:57

The school will know they can’t reasonably expect parents to revolve their routines around avoiding their pets having contact with their children and their clothes.

I have sympathy with the parents who will be genuinely worrying about this because they don’t know the anything about the severity of the allergy and they generally try to do what the school asks of them.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 17/04/2023 18:58

mollyoppy · 17/04/2023 13:47

And do I need to be worried that I might be expected to get rid of our dog?

Did you really need to ask this? Really? Come on, have a bit of sense. I'm wondering what sort of utterly bonkers things you would do if someone else told you to.

I was thinking the same thing.

@NotGettingRidOfPetsPlease You really do need to recalibrate here. Why on earth would you think a school has the authority to make you get rid of your pets or even pressure you to do so? I suspect you are a people pleaser but this is over the top for even that.

‘’In case you’re wondering the ‘normal’ reaction here would be to think “gee that must be tough for the child and mum. Guess I won’t be offering any play dates at the house and maybe I’ll take a lint roller to Jr’s coat now and again”

PingPongPiddlyPong · 17/04/2023 19:01

NotGettingRidOfPetsPlease · 17/04/2023 13:02

We've had a email this morning from school asking us to let them know via email if we have pets and asking that if we do can we try and ensure pets aren't around our child when they're wearing their uniform and to try to avoid touching pets on the way into school.

Which I think is fair enough and can see what they're trying to do.

I work in a school and to put it politely - hygiene and cleanliness of uniform varies drastically from pupil to pupil.
Some children have clean uniform every/most days whereas others are in the same jumper and trousers all week and have an odour when you get close to them.

I don’t think the school can guarantee that this child will be safe.

StarDolphins · 17/04/2023 19:08

Rhis will never ever happen! Say all the kids n the class got rid of their pets (which they shouldn’t) what about when said kids visit or are visited by aunts, unles, grandparent, cousins, friends. are they all going to have to get rid of their pets? What if they walk in a shop, on the bus & pet hair from other people gets on their clothing!

What about teachers, support staff, maintenance people visiting the school, will they all have to have no pets?

There’s no way I would get rid of my pets & there’s no way the school would ask me! If it’s that severe, the LA will need to arrange home schooling or isolated teaching.

Please don’t worry!

CalloohCallayFrabjousDay · 17/04/2023 19:08

NotGettingRidOfPetsPlease · 17/04/2023 13:02

We've had a email this morning from school asking us to let them know via email if we have pets and asking that if we do can we try and ensure pets aren't around our child when they're wearing their uniform and to try to avoid touching pets on the way into school.

Which I think is fair enough and can see what they're trying to do.

Well that's just impossible! Whenever I go anywhere where they have pets I get covered in hairs despite staying away from the pets. They get everywhere, and I sometimes still notice the hairs on clothing even after it's been washed.

StarDolphins · 17/04/2023 19:17

‘was worried that I would be expected to get rid of our dog or DC might feel pressured to get rid of the dog, despite the obvious positives to us having one’

Why would you feel pressured by not getting rid of your dog who I’m assuming is an important member of your family? You just say “absolutely not, find another solution”. If they asked this if you (which I’m sure they won’t) then they would have to ask all the other parents & 99% would flat out refuse. You shouldn’t even be entertaining this as an option.

Catshaveiteasy · 17/04/2023 19:20

NotGettingRidOfPetsPlease · 17/04/2023 13:02

We've had a email this morning from school asking us to let them know via email if we have pets and asking that if we do can we try and ensure pets aren't around our child when they're wearing their uniform and to try to avoid touching pets on the way into school.

Which I think is fair enough and can see what they're trying to do.

That's crazy. It will depend on how often people clean and hoover etc, as well as what contact the children have with their pets. Pet hair gets everywhere - we have two cats and I regularly find it on my car seat. My clothes aren't kept near the cats and I don't have time to cuddle them in the mornings.

Many families won't even try to be accommodating - or may not be able to be.

I can't believe the family will accept this but I do wonder how the child has already spent 5 or so years in schools if the allergy is as severe as they say.

BringtheJury · 17/04/2023 19:24

NotGettingRidOfPetsPlease · 17/04/2023 13:02

We've had a email this morning from school asking us to let them know via email if we have pets and asking that if we do can we try and ensure pets aren't around our child when they're wearing their uniform and to try to avoid touching pets on the way into school.

Which I think is fair enough and can see what they're trying to do.

This is ridiculous really, how would letting the school know who has pets help, maybe if they'd just asked for kids uniforms to be kept pet hair free, which is impossible anyway.

GreenWheat · 17/04/2023 19:25

Nobody is going to comply with the email request for more than a week or two because it's a massive pain in the arse. They might pretend they are, but they won't be.

BringtheJury · 17/04/2023 19:26

Catshaveiteasy · 17/04/2023 19:20

That's crazy. It will depend on how often people clean and hoover etc, as well as what contact the children have with their pets. Pet hair gets everywhere - we have two cats and I regularly find it on my car seat. My clothes aren't kept near the cats and I don't have time to cuddle them in the mornings.

Many families won't even try to be accommodating - or may not be able to be.

I can't believe the family will accept this but I do wonder how the child has already spent 5 or so years in schools if the allergy is as severe as they say.

Show quote history

Exactly, how has the child coped in school before now, it all sounds very odd .

Dixiechickonhols · 17/04/2023 20:04

The email smacks of school being seen to do something but there’s zero chance of everybody complying. Lots of parents will walk dog to school before work there isn’t time to go home, collect pet and then dog walk and be logged on for 9. If they are in car it might have pet hair in or pet hair on sofa if child watches tv for a few mins before leaving house. In evening uniform could easily be in contact with pets or pet hair. A fresh uniform daily isn’t necessary for children especially jumpers, school can’t require that it’s a huge amount of effort and expense.
I’d guess mum will leave this school pretty quickly too.

VickyEadieofThigh · 17/04/2023 20:19

GreenWheat · 17/04/2023 19:25

Nobody is going to comply with the email request for more than a week or two because it's a massive pain in the arse. They might pretend they are, but they won't be.

Exactly what I thought when I read it.

1234S · 17/04/2023 20:21

calm down
how do u think that would ever happen?
esp in a country that considers a animals life above humans

Florenz · 17/04/2023 20:28

When I was at school sometimes a dog would run into school on its own. You can't control things like this.