Kids running around in church

[ThatFraggle]

I'm not religious but sometimes go with someone who is. This week there were three toddlers screaming/crying/babbling through the service.

Their parents let them run up and down the aisle. At one point one mum picked the kid up, but instead of going to the back, just sort of hung around in the middle of the aisle with the kid. As if she wanted us to be like 'awww what an adorable little scamp.' During the service.

I can imagine that for someone spiritual it's especially annoying when trying to pay attention to the sermon or the prayers, reading etc.

Honestly, if you know you've got a screamer, you are not going to be able to bring the kid to church for a couple of years, or alternate with a partner if you have one.

Yes, Jesus loved children, but it doesn't mean little Tarquin should get to scream through the service.

AIBU to be really annoyed about disruptive children in church?

@whatsyourpoison12 you must be joking.

I'm a cradle Catholic and for years was totally put off by people being completely unfriendly when I tried to join a congregation after moving to a new city.

Nobody spoke to me, I got one-word answers when I tried to talk, and if I went to a coffee morning after mass I'd just sit on my own unless I tried to join someone's table.

To me, the whole concept of community is that people have to at least try and meet others half way. Parents have to at least attempt to keep their kids quiet, and congregations have to try and welcome new people. I'm in a different church now and it is better, but my parents' church has died on its arse post covid as they are completely unwelcoming so its only members are mostly in their 70s and there are no children.

I am religious and attend a family orientated church. I don't give a hoot about noisy children, and think it's adorable when toddlers go pootling up the aisle/sides. I'd hate to be part of a church which is unwelcoming to children. And I'd get quite cross at an occasional visitor who thought they had the right to judge members of my church community.

How do you get a young toddler to sit in a chair for an hour without having to restrain them? I'm not sure many toddlers are capable of that. So in that case should parents not be allowed to go to Dr's/church?

@Eleganz but you're missing the point! You CAN'T make a really tiny child behave "well". So absolutely, you don't take them to a fancy restaurant/concert/whatever that requires particular behaviour.

But church ISN'T like that! For Christians it is a part of regular ordinary life. Many babies/toddlers at christened to welcome them into the church family.

I don't take my youngchildren to the early service, or to midnight mass, or to evensong. Those wouldn't be appropriate. But the main service is for everyone that wants to come and share communion. That includes parents with small children. I would be excluded if i couldnt bring my toddlers and church ISN'T a restaurant.

Of course I try to teach appropriate behaviour. But my daughter has been at church since she was 2 days old. My younger ones would have been too if not for covid. And that's how it should be.

YABVU to suggest if you have a child with issues you can't expect to bring them to church for a couple of years!!

Yes, if they are constantly screaming then take them out for a bit, but kids are not automatically silent and still for long periods

The best way to teach them how to behave in church, is to keep bringing them

Our church is accepting and loves to have kids in. I would hate families who want to come to see your cats bum face and not come back!

My previous church had a creche for babies and toddlers - the old ladies in the congregation fought over who got to be on the rota and cuddle the babies! - and Sunday school from age 3 up.
My current church has Sunday school, and pre covid kept some quiet toys/rag books etc in one of the back pews for mums to entertain wee ones during services. In practice, we rarely have more than one baby at a service unless it’s a christening, where the guests often bring theirs.
Church should be a welcoming place for all, and we seem to be fortunate that our littlies don’t seem to yell much, or their mums gently shush them with a dummy or walk them up and down to soothe them. We have never had screaming tantrums ignored by parents.

Seems the pearl clutchers are the ones that don't actually regularly attend church services.

We have kids all over the place, we give them a flag to wave during worship and let them do their thing, they love it and it's nice to see. They then go out to their groups during the talk.

wish I was

perhaps god is trying to teach something, its a message

I think that's exactly what is was

I think running around and screaming isn't on and parents should take their children out if they do that. I have 5 dc, 3 who have autism so there have been times when I have been in the back of the church more than I have been in my seat. When they were babies it was really hard at times but now they are older (youngest is 8) then the older ones will listen to the service and the younger ones will read a book, draw or play on the tablet.

Oh that is lovely

Reminded me of a forgotten memory in a way
Years and years ago now, when I was probably about 10 or so, we had a pet rabbit. My Dad had noticed, during the course of his working week in his van, that there was a Pet Blessing Service coming up in Charlton.
Now Dad only really went to Church for Christenings, Weddings and Funerals but he took me along, with the rabbit of course, to said Service
It was lovely.
Thank You for unlocking that memory with your post

This thread is precisely why my dc don’t go to church. There were some miserable, tutting old bats who didn’t like that my pram took up space (not obstructing anything) and that my baby babbled away happily. It’s a shame as I grew up going to church every Sunday and based on the demographic, the Catholic Church shouldn’t be alienating young families.

@Sendouttheclowns my dog drags me to the church door whenever we walk past

He's been in a few times, either when someone's been delivering something to me, or with me dropping something off. Not in a service!
He knows some of his favourite people hang out there so always sticks his nose to the door to check in case it's open.

I was so relieved to find my church when my DC were small. My parents' church with wooden pews and a wooden box floor beneath used hymn books and service books. The bang they made when you dropped one was awful. So embarrassing.
My church didn't do books, and after a few years we replaced pews with moveable seating so we could do Boys Brigade, baby groups, meals and after school clubs.

My Mum always ran a crèche for the family service and children from babies to about 6/7 used to go and do messy church paintings, clay modelling etc. with Christian themes. She went to the evening service herself.

I disagree with you OP. ‘If there’s no crying, then the church is dying’ is what our senior pastor always says. Church is for everyone, including annoying 2-year olds. Obviously a tantrum during a sermon is an issue and you take them outside for a bit, but some kiddie babble, fussing, a baby crying etc. are normal sounds of a thriving church.

I would hate it if anyone felt uncomfortable to bring their children into our church. We are very family friendly.

I am not missing the point at all. Allowing young children to just wonder about wherever and taking little to no action when they are screaming their heads off is not respectful of other worshippers.

Of course no-one is expecting a toddler to sit still for an hour but neither should they be allowed to run around shouting and screaming down the aisles and at the front of church without any attempt to manage their behaviour. Most churches have activity areas and will quite happily let toddlers wonder around at the back of church for example if they don't have separate sessions for children. We have a number of babies and toddlers attending on a Sunday morning and their parents seem to manage this just fine.

It seems to be a real issue for some people to ask that they parent their children to some degree whilst in church and there is a lot of hyperbole being thrown about to justify that fact. I am certainly not suggesting that children only be welcome if they are seen but not heard, but I am going to be honest if you are going to let your little cherub run around at the front of church shouting and screaming they will be disturbing the act of worship you and others are there to attend in most cases.

@whatsyourpoison12 you're gloating about young children being injured and needing hospital treatment? You're not a Christian.

I grew up catholic and children were expected to be seen in church from birth. That didn’t mean license to roam or scream though. We had toys or books with us and there was also an evening service which very few kids went to.

Making an effort to reduce noise by children, whatever age, is what I would expect. It is parents who make no effort and fail to acknowledge that their children are not always appropriately behaved that I don't like.

I went to an RC church in an MC area as a kid (70s/80s) and there was plenty of this in the main 11am mass. Everyone was just used to it. It made the church welcoming - if you wanted quiet there was one at 8.30.

IME C of E churches are more likely to have Sunday school and little kids groups during the service so it’s less tolerated.

Agree with all this

We've all seen kids who run wild in the supermarket, in restaurants etc. Most people agree that it's not on.

So why is it ok for them to do so in church?