Kids running around in church

[ThatFraggle]

I'm not religious but sometimes go with someone who is. This week there were three toddlers screaming/crying/babbling through the service.

Their parents let them run up and down the aisle. At one point one mum picked the kid up, but instead of going to the back, just sort of hung around in the middle of the aisle with the kid. As if she wanted us to be like 'awww what an adorable little scamp.' During the service.

I can imagine that for someone spiritual it's especially annoying when trying to pay attention to the sermon or the prayers, reading etc.

Honestly, if you know you've got a screamer, you are not going to be able to bring the kid to church for a couple of years, or alternate with a partner if you have one.

Yes, Jesus loved children, but it doesn't mean little Tarquin should get to scream through the service.

AIBU to be really annoyed about disruptive children in church?

There are families who get their children christened, bring them to the toddler service, but never come to the main service because they're waiting until the children are old enough to behave "properly". That day never comes - or if it does, they're busy doing other things on a Sunday morning, and persuading your kids they'd like to swap Parkrun for church is harder than persuading a toddler to be quiet. It can be hard work attending with littlies, but as someone said to a friend, it's about keeping the habit. Mine used to toddle around the church - not running, just exploring. She was quiet, and it was no problem. If she kicked off noisily, yes, I took her out.

Interestingly, I gather that some of our older folk who are very welcoming to the families used to be "tut tuts". However they have now realised that we need the families if the church is to continue to function. The children are made to feel part of the church family - sufficiently so that even if they stop coming as they get older, they are still warmly welcomed if they turn up at Christmas or at a social event.

The kids normally have Sunday school during the sermon - they should go to that

I was leading a service in a small village (Anglican) church recently. The size is important to the story as you can easily see everyone. Anyway a new family came with 3 young children. The church warden came up to me before the service to say Mum was worried about whether her children could keep still throughout the service. So at the start, in my welcome I emphasised that children were welcome to move round the church during the service. The look of relief on Mum’s face was lovely. And they did move around and no-one batted an eyelid

There is a difference between being welcoming to families and allowing children to disrupt services. I would hope that would be obvious.

The reason why the CofE is dying out is because it has lost its identity and is doing less of the communities it services. A recent report clearly linked the lack of services provided as a key factor in decline. We now have one priest covering 3-4 or more churches and it just isn't working. The idea that it is all down to how we worship has bee a huge red herring for far too long.

@Eleganz it's not always bad behaviour. My son is autistic and really struggles with the concept of an indoor voice. He also struggles with going to kids church. We try every week and it's just overwhelming so we keep him in the service. I wouldn't say he shouts and runs but he's louder than I would like him to be but it's not him being naughty.
We do messy church once a month in place of our regular service as well as a service once a month run by the local rehab centre which is done start to finish by their recovering addicts. These people are our church and I love it. It's not traditional but it's inclusive and wonderful

I've been a christian for over a decade. I go to a very family orientated church. There is often babbling toddlers wandering around during the service. Sometimes a baby will cry. I often hear the Sunday school kids stomping about in the next room. We all love it. I love being part of a family church where kids enjoy themselves instead of being bored sackless and where parents can attend services without people judging them or getting irritated with them.

We don't go to church any more because we couldn't handle the difficulty of taking the kids. They're now older but we don't know the people any more and it feels awkward. Shame really, but obviously we were not wrong about how kids are viewed.

Nobody's saying Jesus didn't like kids do the quote is a bit irrelevant.

I'm actually anti-religious but to me it's more about teaching your child manners and how to behave. Yes, they like to run about and shout and have fun but there's a time and a place for it.

Children need to learn the skill of sitting politely and being week behaved for short periods.

Obviously I don't go to church but I see way too often that kids are left to do what they want, run round restaurants, drs surgeries etc and the parents look on with a smile as if to say "kids will be kids, what can you do?"

Well you can either teach them to behave or avoid the situations where they should be behaving but can't manage to.

And i say this as a mum of dc

Personally - happy kids noises, all fine and aisles are there to be toddled up and down
scream/upset child noises then take them out but people generally do!

It depends on your church. Ours has a really big young family population so running around kids on the 1 week in 6 with no kids club or crèche is really normal and not an issue. But I can imagine in more traditional churches it's a problem.

Personally I cannot imagine my church telling anyone they can't attend until their kids are better behaved, but then again, like I say, young families make up around 60% of our congregation! You just get used to it.

CofE here, we have a traditional then a very child friendly/family friendly service here, the children are encouraged onto the 'stage', wave flags, do action songs, then are taken out during the sermon/prayers for Sunday school. My eldest now 7 was and still is a beautifully behaved child who would happily sit in a pew for the whole service and love it. My three year old sat with her other preschooler buddy on the stage eating snacks while the vicar spoke! No one minds in the slightest.

Anyone reading this also, try a "messy church" service,lots of crafts and fun without needing to be quiet!

YABU.

I go to church with my family every week. I have a 6 year old with ASD who is very well behaved, but does sometimes hum or jump on the spot if she forgets herself. I also have 2 toddlers. My DH is in the choir, so I sit at the back at the children's table. My toddlers are NOT quiet sometimes. Occasionally one runs away - not often, but if I'm focussing on helping my eldest realm understand/participate or if one toddler needs the potty.... it happens.

Most churches don't run a creche/Sunday school as there isn't enough demand, especially in rural churches.

Are there people in the congregation who occasionally tut? Its happened once or twice. But almost always by those who AREN'T regular church goers. People who havepopped in to hear the singing/enjoy the beautiful Windows. They are missing the point of the church service.

Our priest has always made it totally clear that we are welcome. And she understands that I'm outnumbered because DH is in the choir, so sometimes things don't go to plan. A church community includes everyone.

FWIW, there are other disruptions sometimes e.g. there are a few adults with special needs or disabilities in the congregation. Would you say church isn't for them because they "spoil" the quiet moments? They perhaps don't fit the ambience?

So you're not religious, you went to a church and disapproved of the ACTUAL CONGREGATION?! Seriously, mind your own business!

The church nearest to me has a family service on the first Sunday of the month where all ages are together for the whole duration, and little ones running around or noise is expected.

On the other Sundays, the hymns are sung first with everyone, then after a short prayer, all the children go out to the crèche / youth group, so the adults can listen to the sermon in peace.

🤣🤣 Noted, I'll take your feedback to the PCC!
OP you did a kind thing, transporting and accompanying your relative to church and I am certain that their church family were delighted to welcome both you as a first time or occasional non- believing visitor, and all the children. (Took all 3 of my now adult children to church, where they really benefitted from having a big, diverse, extended family.)

Our church has crafts and toys out, and small children are not expected to be silent. Most of us there are parents and it's a very welcoming environment (they also allowed someone to bring their very well-behaved dog, knowing it has separation anxiety and the owners couldn't come without it!)

Other churches around here have the calm, peaceful atmosphere. There are usually enough churches in an area to be able to choose the one which matches your spiritual needs. For me, I can focus more on the spiritual stuff when I'm not on edge about keeping my children silent!

This is pretty much it. However it clearly seems that having this basic expectation means that to some parents you are excluding them and I'm really struggling to see how that is really a problem with the church if I'm honest.

Many years ago, I took mine to a Christingle service. My nearly three year old son was loving it, with the candles, oranges etc, but my five month old daughter got fed up and started to cry. We were asked to leave, so I had two children who were upset.

I think it depends on the age of the children. If it's toddlers running about, I'm not bothered - they can often get more ansty if you try and restrain them. If it was say, six and seven year olds running about in the service, I might start to wonder why they can't sit quietly. Often we have Sunday school at our church, and the kids either go to the back or out to the hall for activities, but when that's not on there's always a table at the front to the side or one at the back, both covered in brown paper, which the kids can sit at and scribble away on during the service (and they do!).
I like a more peaceful service, personally, but am definitely of the opinion that the more younger people and families in churches the better. Churches will die off if we don't make people feel welcome.

Op, it sounds like you'd have loved our church during Covid when we were all glued to seats at a distance from each other and all the life and community had gone from it.

We hated it. My husband and I took it in turns to attend for the year or so that our church Sunday school was closed and my daughter (age 2) would have had to sit still on a chair throughout the service - we couldn't expect that of her and it would have just meant she hated church. Prior to that she'd been in church since she was 6 days old.

Thankfully we're now back to normal again. This morning my daughter played happily on the floor on front of us for some of the time, participated in the children's talk, danced during the hymns and then headed out to Sunday school. We do take her out on the rare occasions she gets too noisy, but regular congregation members always tell us we don't need to and that they love having her there and seeing her growing up as part of the church community.

DH and I led sung worship at church this morning. We have a raised platform at the front of the church and the rule is, no children up there. There’s electrics and music equipment
and loads of leads, it’s not suitable. We’ve got three teens now, but we first came to this church when our oldest was three months old and I taught all three of them to stay off the front and not run around where they were a hazard. Two of them lead worship up there now though, so I’ll allow them up there!

One of our oldest congregation members likes to stand by the door as kids church goes out, and say hi. She really loves them and encourages them. She stays on after the early service just to do this. I love her and hope to be like her when I’m that age.

tbh nobody loves the sound of other people's screaming kids in any context.

However I can see that trying to arrange childcare for morning services could be tricky, and there are lots of people who wouldn't be able to go if they couldn't bring their kids. And I can see why churches would encourage parents to bring small children given the decline in church attendance over the years.

its not your place to have any opinion. the lord will do what is needed, had a very similar situation in my church, and one Sunday all of them tripped over. two cracked their heads, one broke a leg and two others in a&e also for fractures. keep your head down, pray, and Jesus will handle it

Oh good! Maybe you will mind your own business and not be such a busybody next time then 🙂

I'm an atheist, but we have a vicar in the family so I quite a frequent attendee. I love the free range children in church. They've been solemn, serious & intimidating places for years but the presence of children is one of the things that's changing that. And people SHOULD get disturbed by them in prayer. Worship, IMO, is a self focused indulgence & I don't think that reflects Christian values.