Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids running around in church

276 replies

ThatFraggle · 16/04/2023 15:41

I'm not religious but sometimes go with someone who is. This week there were three toddlers screaming/crying/babbling through the service.

Their parents let them run up and down the aisle. At one point one mum picked the kid up, but instead of going to the back, just sort of hung around in the middle of the aisle with the kid. As if she wanted us to be like 'awww what an adorable little scamp.' During the service.

I can imagine that for someone spiritual it's especially annoying when trying to pay attention to the sermon or the prayers, reading etc.

Honestly, if you know you've got a screamer, you are not going to be able to bring the kid to church for a couple of years, or alternate with a partner if you have one.

Yes, Jesus loved children, but it doesn't mean little Tarquin should get to scream through the service.

AIBU to be really annoyed about disruptive children in church?

OP posts:
Codger2023 · 16/04/2023 15:42

You forgot the poll :(

Original poster
ThatFraggle · 16/04/2023 15:45

I'm on mobile. I didn't see how to put one on.

OP posts:
feellikeanalien · 16/04/2023 15:46

I don't know if this happens these days but when I was small our church had a creche and a Sunday school for slightly older kids during the morning service. This was a very long time ago and I haven't been in church for a long time now but I think it is unfair on others to have small kids running around.

BouncingWorms · 16/04/2023 15:50

It depends on the church, ours has specifically (repeatedly) said she doesn't mind screaming/crying. Admit idly I only go to children's services but it's nice to not have to worry. Fwiw my kids have always been quiet, but more by luck than anything.

rewilded · 16/04/2023 15:50

YANBU.

I went to a church over Easter. It was a beautiful chapel open to the public and people had dogs walking up and down the aisle. These were daschunds etc not guide/assistance dogs. I was amazed. I think times have changed. I was worried they would cock their leg on the pulpit!

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 16/04/2023 15:50

Our Church is particularly bad for it because the Minister (and elders) actively encourage it. At 4 and 8 mine are now old enough to sit for the whole hour if necessary but I stopped going for a while with dc1 because I was sick of being undermined when I tried to get him to behave.

Carpetmoth · 16/04/2023 15:52

My church has an area at the back which was gated (low but high enough to stop toddlers getting out). They removed it as one minister didn't like them being penned in. It is impossible to stop children moving about so the only other option is not to go. I did find it embarrassing especially when DD was up on the stage and into the pulpit. We don't go often if we do go to a family service I don't worry as long as they aren't making too much noise. Screaming isn't acceptable and I would take them out for that.

webuiltthiscityonrockandwheat · 16/04/2023 15:54

I don't find it annoying in our church. Kids are kids, they don't need to sit absolutely silently. I take mine out to the crèche for the sermon but if they stay in no one minds. Christianity is for everyone, kids included. Jesus said "let the little children come to me" it's not conditional on them sitting quietly in their chair

BadGranny · 16/04/2023 15:55

“Let the little children come to me and don’t stop them. The kingdom of God is made up of such as these.”
Jesus.

Kids in church is a good thing. Yes, they cry and get troublesome. Deal with it. Or go to an 8am early service where there are likely to be fewer, if any.

3WildOnes · 16/04/2023 15:55

YABU. I am a regular church goer. I would much rather have children running around than staying at home. It is important that children are welcomed in to the church family.
My church has two services (as do most, I believe) an early traditional service and a later family service.
Our vicar has no issues with children being a bit noisy or moving around in the service.

AllAboutMargot · 16/04/2023 15:57

Not exactly the same, I know, but I was in a doctor's waiting room a few weeks ago and there was a boy of about three "driving" a car around the area where people were queuing to speak to the receptionist. People had to move out of his way.

His parents were looking on fondly and no-one said anything. I said to the father that it wasn't on and that he shouldn't allow him to do that.

I got a lot of abuse - called a witch and an old hag by the father and he then told me to f* off.

It's just poor parenting and very inconsiderate to others.

DrHousecuredme · 16/04/2023 15:57

Hmm I sort of agree with you if children are actually screaming or causing so much disruption that it's impossible to hear the service, then yes parents need to take control there
But
A church is supposed to be a family and make everybody welcome. Not just the ones who are deemed "suitable" and behave as you think they should and your suggestion that young children just can't go to church for a few years is misguided.
Rather, I think it's up to the church to work out how everybody can feel welcome.
In some this involves running crèches and Sunday schools.
Others hold different types of services at different times. Some noisy and lively, some quiet and reflective.
For ours, the back quarter of the church was for young families.
Parents were asked to keep their children in this section (there was a little fence barrier like you get in nurseries) and "reasonably calm" but there was space to move around and plenty of toys, books, bean bags etc. It worked well for us on the whole.

Northernlurker · 16/04/2023 16:01

If children go to church every week of their life they will mostly manage fine. Moving around is not an issue. Nor is feeding them or taking toys etc. If parents stay away from church in the early years it's much harder for kids to adapt.
I think taking your kids to church is one of the things parents can do to benefit their kids lifelong. Not just spiritually but also in terms of socialisation and being part of a community. My kids are grown up now but church gave them a group of adults they've known their whole lives. A circle of People who are interested in them and illustrate a wide variety and diversity of life experiences.

Sawservice91 · 16/04/2023 16:03

It is not on, sadly many parents think it is a creche or others will drop everything to fawn after their children. Nope, reality calling. Very few people care will will think of us as bad parents if we let children do this sort of thing. Go to a mosque or guardwara and try it. Good luck! Honestly its like folk with children screaming in museums. Still, something to do in the holidays, eh?

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 16/04/2023 16:05

I stopped going to church because the priest told me off for having dd in the main part of the church. She was quiet and not crying, so not sure what the issue was? The back part of the church where he suggested we should be has one bench and it’s packed to the rafters back to back with people standing and just a thin carpet to kneel on. Bugger that!
Not sure why it was kid unfriendly, especially with people leaving in droves, now me and two dc included. The priest was notorious for being an arse. There’s a new priest now, but quite frankly, I now can’t be bothered as dds are teens.

MaryBeardsShoes · 16/04/2023 16:06

There needs to be a bit of balance doesn't there? Kids moving around a bit, chatting or doing some kind of quiet activity is fine. Babies crying, again, not much you can do. But kids charging around and causing havoc and screaming their heads off is not really on. Or safe.

pickledandpuzzled · 16/04/2023 16:07

You have to work with the leadership team to meet everyone's needs.

If the weekly attendees are fine with it, it's not on for a visitor to object.

You see 'random toddler being disruptive', they see 'wow, little Tarquin is really looking steady on his feet now, he'll be up on a guitar before we know it'.

Nimbostratus100 · 16/04/2023 16:07

be grateful you have young children in church

JudgeRudy · 16/04/2023 16:09

rewilded · 16/04/2023 15:50

YANBU.

I went to a church over Easter. It was a beautiful chapel open to the public and people had dogs walking up and down the aisle. These were daschunds etc not guide/assistance dogs. I was amazed. I think times have changed. I was worried they would cock their leg on the pulpit!

Whats the significants of daschunds?

thecrispfiend · 16/04/2023 16:09

Our church is really child friendly-first part of the service includes songs with actions. The kids go out to Sunday school during the sermon. My son has been going since birth and is 6 now and loves going it's like having a big extended family! He's made lovely friendships with the other kids too. Only issue is the sheer number of kids - we have had up to 22 kids ranging from age 15 to 1!! And not enough volunteers for Sunday school x

Eleganz · 16/04/2023 16:11

Depends on the nature of the service, but I do agree that many people have no idea how to behave in a more formal church service and sadly the leadership of the Church of England would rather change how we worship to be so complete informal that it is verging on meaningless than to simply educate people on how to worship properly.

I think we have to remember that the issue is very rarely with the children but with parents who allow inappropriate behaviour.

RiktheButler · 16/04/2023 16:13

I'm sorry, why were YOU in the church? Cheaper than a coffee date?

EmilyGilmoresSass · 16/04/2023 16:14

AllAboutMargot · 16/04/2023 15:57

Not exactly the same, I know, but I was in a doctor's waiting room a few weeks ago and there was a boy of about three "driving" a car around the area where people were queuing to speak to the receptionist. People had to move out of his way.

His parents were looking on fondly and no-one said anything. I said to the father that it wasn't on and that he shouldn't allow him to do that.

I got a lot of abuse - called a witch and an old hag by the father and he then told me to f* off.

It's just poor parenting and very inconsiderate to others.

How do you know the child didn't have additional needs, was a sensory seeker or had a developmental delay?

EmilyGilmoresSass · 16/04/2023 16:14

AllAboutMargot · 16/04/2023 15:57

Not exactly the same, I know, but I was in a doctor's waiting room a few weeks ago and there was a boy of about three "driving" a car around the area where people were queuing to speak to the receptionist. People had to move out of his way.

His parents were looking on fondly and no-one said anything. I said to the father that it wasn't on and that he shouldn't allow him to do that.

I got a lot of abuse - called a witch and an old hag by the father and he then told me to f* off.

It's just poor parenting and very inconsiderate to others.

How do you know the child didn't have additional needs, was a sensory seeker or had a developmental delay?

FourTeaFallOut · 16/04/2023 16:16

You're not religious but you thought you'd rock up to a church service and then return to MN to highlight your disapproval for how it's run?