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AIBU?

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Original poster

Mud sticks.. how do I deal with it.

495 replies

Highfivemum · 16/04/2023 14:12

So I live in small village. We all know everyone. Even if we do not socialise we all know of each other. Two new residents moved in 5 weeks ago into the next road up. For some reason the wife thought she knew me from school. She didn’t. We haven’t spoken since as she seemed to not believe me. We have never lived in same area before and she is a few years older. Whilst attending the Easter parade in the centre my DC (11) said he had been shouted at by this lady for looking at her. She said to him your just like your mum. She quite obviously thinks I am someone else and someone else who she disliked for whatever reason. I went over to her and said why had she shouted at my DS and if she had any problems then she should speak to me. I didn’t shout I was very calm but She ran off in tears. Which was seen by others. Since then I had been told by three people that she has told them she cannot join some village groups and go to things as I go to them and I am nasty and always have been since school. She is quite clearly having some issues and I have chosen to step back and not be in any contact but I am finding that some of the locals are looking at me and I am paranoid they believe her. I have no idea who she is. My DH said he could speak to her DH about it all. I have said leave it. I really don’t know how to handle this. Do I try again to talk to her and run the risk of her screaming at me and making it worse.

OP posts:
Thepossibility · 16/04/2023 23:31

Don't go to her house that's a recipe for disaster. She could tell people you came to attack her at home.
She's scared of you blah blah.
She's already gone as low as shouting at a child.

I would tell anyone and everyone she is either a nutter or you have an amazing doppleganger. But to be careful of her in any case.
Be firm. No apologies, no fumbling explanations.
Doppleganger or nuts.

oakleaffy · 16/04/2023 23:43

@Highfivemum Jeez I had something very similar ..It went on for years, and in the end the police had to be involved.
It was mental illness. in my 'Harasser's' case.

Do NOT engage.

There is bound to be a history of this kind of thing with this woman.

She has 'Picked/focussed ' on you for whatever bizarre reason.

Pollydolly13 · 17/04/2023 00:24

I wouldnt engage with her. She clearly has issues. Knowing how villages work I would start a few conversations of my own. Drop in to a few people how you and dh met at school. But Mrs s thinks you went to school with her etc etc. I’m sure she will upset someone else before long.

EddyF · 17/04/2023 00:48

I am trying to imagine village life and I just cannot. So basically, the whole population there knows your business? what if you move in and don’t want to mix; what would happen? Can other races/cultures move in with ease or?

Sorry you’re going through that, OP. I would keep away from her and hang on to your support network there.

lemonchiffonpie · 17/04/2023 01:10

It's an awful feeling, but the truth will out - especially if you mention your concerns to a few of the villagers...

Don't try to talk with her or convince her, or her husband (who presumably is aware he is married to a loon). Hold your head high, take a deep breath, and carry on with business as usual, as the vicar said, and wait it out.

I think pp's idea of having a word to the school re your DC being targeted by this woman with these false accusations would be helpful, though. Forewarned is forearmed.

TheWestIsTheBest · 17/04/2023 02:23

This is why I wouldn't live in a village for a million quid.

Offensiveapprently · 17/04/2023 05:59

The vicar isn't going to get involved with explaining OPs identity, a solicitor letter won't work if someone is genuinely unwell. Husband's are not needed to explain and deal with the situation.... just for back up and OP does not need to carry school photos about.
Just stick with "sorry you are mistaken" don't engage and if other people say anything, just say the same. It'll pass engaging in it just fans the flames.

MaroonCow · 17/04/2023 07:36

AAAAABBBBBCCCCC · 16/04/2023 22:54

Get the priest to do a service on Mistaken Identity. I'm sure he could put a biblical twist on it.

Isaac, Jacob and Esau spring to mind.

Original poster
Highfivemum · 17/04/2023 09:14

Update and I am in total shock and shaking.
I took DC to school then took dogs for walk. Typically she was also walking her dog but without her DH. I said good morning to be polite and was met by a load of abuse. How I had ruined her life etc. how I need to own up to my actions. I was shocked to be honest but calmly said. I am not who she thinks I am and I can prove it if she wants but she needs to leave me and and family alone. She shouted over me and got louder and louder and so I walked home. I am now sitting shaking.

OP posts:
Mycatisfatafatcat · 17/04/2023 09:16

Go to the police and report.

EVHead · 17/04/2023 09:20

I agree - police. This is harassment. At least some kind of mediation so you can prove who you are and hopefully stop her crap.

CoraPirbright · 17/04/2023 09:22

It sounds like this is not going to go away on its own. Now that she has been openly aggressive, I would start telling everyone in the village about her terrible behaviour and the incorrect assumptions behind it and YES get the husbands involved. NOT because you are a weak and feeble woman (to answer the eye-rollers) but because you are never going to be able to have a factual, calm and reasonable discussion with this lunatic. I am sorry you have had such a nasty encounter.

IDontWantToBeAPie · 17/04/2023 09:22

If she's verbally abusing you could you ask the vicar to have a word with her?

Or... call the police? Say perhaps she needs a welfare check because she's verbally abusing you for being someone you're not?

Softoprider · 17/04/2023 09:24

I don't know what to think about this.. trying to put myself in your shoes OP. I think going to the police would be a last resort. Perhaps your husband could have a word and nip this in the bud because clearly it is not working with her and you.
She does sound a bit nutty

UpsyDaisy352 · 17/04/2023 09:25

At this stage, it’s time to go to the police or a solicitor.

If it were me, I’d let the police know I wanted it documented on their side but would not be pursuing any action at this time. I would ask a solicitor to send her a letter stating that if she keeps this up, you will pursue charges on grounds of harassment.

A friend of mine had something similar happen from one of his own relatives, and this was the course of action he took. It was enough to scare the person off

Appleass · 17/04/2023 09:25

She is clearly not going to stop, I suggest you report her to the police and have a local officer go speak with her as this is going to get out of hand. She has clearly distressed you. Sending love be strong, but get this sorted ASAP.

UpsyDaisy352 · 17/04/2023 09:27

I’d tell both Solicitor and Police that you are not who she believes you to be, and offer them proof. Do not give your information to her - she’s delusional enough to not accept it.

Sit down, have a cup of tea and collect your thoughts. Ring the guards then and they’ll help you from there. They might be able to suggest a solicitor, but if not, you’ll find one easy enough.

MaroonCow · 17/04/2023 09:31

Ok, clearly you can't ignore that. Yes, speak to the local police station.

IncompleteSenten · 17/04/2023 09:40

Yes at this point you should ask the local police to have a word when they have time.

Original poster
Highfivemum · 17/04/2023 09:47

Do you think I can call 101 ? Do you think the police would do anything ?

OP posts:
Softoprider · 17/04/2023 09:52

Honestly ? No. Try another route first.

UpsyDaisy352 · 17/04/2023 09:53

The police might have someone pop round to have a word with her, an informal warning in a way. Or they might advise she is sent a cease and desist letter by themselves or you through a solicitor.

Just talk to them anyway so it’s all documented. Even if they can’t do anything right now, it’ll be on record that you’ve been having these issues with her

UpsyDaisy352 · 17/04/2023 09:53

UpsyDaisy352 · 17/04/2023 09:53

The police might have someone pop round to have a word with her, an informal warning in a way. Or they might advise she is sent a cease and desist letter by themselves or you through a solicitor.

Just talk to them anyway so it’s all documented. Even if they can’t do anything right now, it’ll be on record that you’ve been having these issues with her

But a solicitor is probably your best bet right now

AdoraBell · 17/04/2023 09:59

Haven’t RTFT so I might be repeating a suggestion but I would ignore and if anyone says anything about this just say - she’s mistaken me for someone who went to her school, I was at X school in X town.

AdoraBell · 17/04/2023 09:59

Haven’t RTFT so I might be repeating a suggestion but I would ignore and if anyone says anything about this just say - she’s mistaken me for someone who went to her school, I was at X school in X town.

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