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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mud sticks.. how do I deal with it.

495 replies

Highfivemum · 16/04/2023 14:12

So I live in small village. We all know everyone. Even if we do not socialise we all know of each other. Two new residents moved in 5 weeks ago into the next road up. For some reason the wife thought she knew me from school. She didn’t. We haven’t spoken since as she seemed to not believe me. We have never lived in same area before and she is a few years older. Whilst attending the Easter parade in the centre my DC (11) said he had been shouted at by this lady for looking at her. She said to him your just like your mum. She quite obviously thinks I am someone else and someone else who she disliked for whatever reason. I went over to her and said why had she shouted at my DS and if she had any problems then she should speak to me. I didn’t shout I was very calm but She ran off in tears. Which was seen by others. Since then I had been told by three people that she has told them she cannot join some village groups and go to things as I go to them and I am nasty and always have been since school. She is quite clearly having some issues and I have chosen to step back and not be in any contact but I am finding that some of the locals are looking at me and I am paranoid they believe her. I have no idea who she is. My DH said he could speak to her DH about it all. I have said leave it. I really don’t know how to handle this. Do I try again to talk to her and run the risk of her screaming at me and making it worse.

OP posts:
saraclara · 17/04/2023 10:01

It can't hurt to call 101 and ask advice.

In the meantime, how about calling the vicar, just to get this horrible incident off your chest, to someone you can trust?

AdoraBell · 17/04/2023 10:01

No idea how that posted twice, sorry.

Nounoufgs · 17/04/2023 10:02

The answer to this type of thread is to go about your normal daily life. Be polite, cheerful and friendly. When they go low, go high.

I had a number of very nasty and untrue things said about me that were also clearly ridiculous. Trying to address the rumours just added fuel to the fire.

People have eyes, ears and brains. They can think for themselves. Play the long game.

saraclara · 17/04/2023 10:03

Nounoufgs · 17/04/2023 10:02

The answer to this type of thread is to go about your normal daily life. Be polite, cheerful and friendly. When they go low, go high.

I had a number of very nasty and untrue things said about me that were also clearly ridiculous. Trying to address the rumours just added fuel to the fire.

People have eyes, ears and brains. They can think for themselves. Play the long game.

Have you read OP's update?

IamnotSethRogan · 17/04/2023 10:06

Oh god this is a nightmare! I don't know if this is more bonkers but have you got any pictures of you at school or anything in your uniform? Maybe you can give them and a copy of your drivers license to proove your age to someone neutral (like the vicar) to show her so she can't say you've gone round harassing her but she's seen evidence that you're not this person? Honestly this could be a bad idea but I know what I'm like and I'd have to do everything possible to make her see I'm not who.he thinks I am!

MrsCarson · 17/04/2023 10:12

Well Yabu telling your Dh to not say anything to her Dh, Yanbu that she is a bit crackers not listening to you when you tried to explain you aren't who she thinks.
Someone needs to talk to her and find out who she thinks you are from what school and go from there.

Ginburee · 17/04/2023 10:13

Call 101 and have it documented, also have your phone ready to record in your pocket if you see her again.
The police will want to have evidence if they can.
Also they might want to speak to your child- this is harassment to you both and she seems to have esculated it quite quickly.

Original poster
Highfivemum · 17/04/2023 10:34

I am on to 101. Thank you

OP posts:
lkkjhg · 17/04/2023 10:43

Also let your vicar know what has happened so he can support and speak up for you

Eightiesgirl · 17/04/2023 10:49

A woman who works in my local supermarket used to always stare at me. One day I went to her till and
she asked after my sister. After much confusion we established she'd got me mixed up with someone else. The next time I went to her till she asked me if I was still having to buy shopping for my dad and she remembered what a pain he always was. This upset me as my beloved dad died many years ago. I explained again that she had me mixed up with someone else. She insisted she hadn't and said she used to work with me and my sister at a place I'd never even heard of. She asked me to pass a message onto my sister and talked about people I've never heard of. She even told me the name of the person she thought I was (I later looked her up on Facebook and, admittedly, we do look alike). However, she just won't accept I'm not this woman. I try to avoid her now and my dh says she looks daggers at me if I'm queuing at another till (I try not to catch her eye) but if I do have to go to her till she is very offhand with me. She was manning the kiosk the other day and I was the only customer waiting, she didn't come to serve me for ages, just ignored me. I think she's convinced I am this woman and that I'm being very rude by avoiding her and not wanting to chat about somewhere I've never worked and people I don't know!

Original poster
Highfivemum · 17/04/2023 10:49

40 mins of no answer from 101 so have done an online email. Thank you

OP posts:
whynotwhatknot · 17/04/2023 10:59

yes this is abuse now she clearly thinks youre someone else or has a mh problem

Felicity42 · 17/04/2023 10:59

I'd write down what schools you were at and then maybe your DH could put that through her door...or something?

And state "I have never attended X school in my life. And I can request the school records if this would help.'

Say there is genuinely a case of mistaken identity here.

That's the core belief in her mind, that you are someone else from her past.

I'd try to be polite still with a view to amicably resolving it rather than escalate it. In the hopes for peace going forward.

She's obviously traumatized over something but you are nothing to do with that.

Ginburee · 17/04/2023 10:59

At least it is logged, she is obviously very damaged and hopefully may back down after her little rant.

Messyhair321 · 17/04/2023 11:23

Strange that this woman is so convinced. The only thing I can think is that she's really traumatised by this other person & either believes you are definitely her or it doesn't matter whether you are or not & the trigger of seeing someone who looks like this other person is enough to send her off the rails.
She does sound unwell either way.

Personally I would confront it, I'd write to her & say that you went to x school or only lived in x (part of the country) growing up, & sorry that she's clearly having a hard time but you aren't who she thinks you are

ifIwerenotanandroid · 17/04/2023 12:11

Every time you go out where she might be, be ready to record her on your phone - just the voice could be done surreptitously so as not to inflame the situation. Then you'd have proof of the intensity/insanity of it to show the police.

ifIwerenotanandroid · 17/04/2023 12:15

PS So sorry this has come into your life. Take good care of yourself after such a shock today. Hope you get an answer from the police soon.

cstaff · 17/04/2023 12:15

Maybe you have a doppelganger / lookalike from her school / town. Otherwise none of this makes sense apart from her being a bit crazy.

At this point I would have to report it to someone. There is no need for this ongoing abuse from this crazy lade.

Original poster
Highfivemum · 17/04/2023 12:29

Thank you all. Had a generic email back from 101 so will see what happens. As some suggested have called our vicar and he is popping round this afternoon. My DB is coming over in 5 mins to cheer me up as DH working away this week and to be honest I feel a tad scared which surprises me.

OP posts:
arkmatter · 17/04/2023 12:30

We've had 10 years of weirdo fabrications. Contact the community police, they are well trained and this might sort it out for you. They are usually very good. Don't bother saying anything to this woman, blank her. I tried all kinds of reasonable conversations for a while but the neighbours don't allow time for a response and shout, so best to ignore. However, they still manage to drum stuff up out of thin air and pass their manufactured slanders around. Keep all evidence and record. The police are usually more effective than solicitors. These neighbours know they would be on the wrong foot given the evidence and this helps to scare them off. If threatening or distressing to you the C Police will take it seriously. Good luck!

Deanie02 · 17/04/2023 12:31

I would contact police and tell people in the village if she was shouting she could say you approached and threatened her. This woman is scary it sounds like a plot from a lifetime movie.

PuddlesPityParty · 17/04/2023 12:41

Oh OP I am sorry to see your update of her shouting at you! Not in a case of mistaken identity but an old man yelled at me once when I was walking my dog on my own in a new place and it really upset me and shook me up for a while!
How lovely your vicar sounds, perhaps your DH should talk to her husband and explain the incident has been reported to 101 also. I would avoid this woman as much as you can.

Stripedbag101 · 17/04/2023 13:34

OP this is awful. I don’t think you should engage with this woman ever again. It sounds like she is having some sort of mental health crisis that her husband should be intervening in.

you are doing all the right things and while the police can’t do much about it at this stage it is right to build up a paper trail incase this escalates. Maybe keep a factual diary of incidents?

I hope this stops

MaroonCow · 17/04/2023 13:46

Strange that such an aggressive person was apparently so intimidated once. Now I'm even wondering if she really was bullied or if someone just lost patience with her crazy shit.

spiderplantparty · 17/04/2023 13:46

It sounds as though you may bump into this woman again due to the size of the village, particularly as you have dogs which will require walking. I'd keep your phone in your pocket and press record if she approaches you again while on a dog walk in a public place so you have a record of what has been said.

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