To go against DDs wishes with this

[BlueIndigoViolet]

DD (16) had a bf for almost a year. They were all loved up as teenagers are. A month ago he cheated on her at a party and, after lots of begging on his part and tears from them both, DD ended things.

DD has worked so hard to get herself back to "normal" again but he just won't let it go. He sent her flowers the week after it happened (DD binned them). He kept turning up on the doorstep begging to see her (turned away by us at DDs request). She blocked him on all social media but he keeps making new accounts and sending her Instagram messages saying how much he misses her and tagging her in stories. He turned up here again last night and left a bagful of her favourite drink, chocs and a teddy on the doorstep when we told him she didn't want to see him.

I told DD enough is enough and said I was going to message his mum and tell her if he doesn't stop them I'll be contacting the police. However DD is adamant she doesn't want that because it will just make it embarrassing at school. They're about to do their GCSEs and she will be going to college after the summer so they won't need to see each other after June. But I really can't see him stopping any time soon. DD had a panic attack when she realised it was him at the door last night.

DH thinks I shouldn't go against what DD wants but it's starting to border on stalking and I think he needs at least a warning to stop (we have told him ourselves to stop but clearly that's not working).

So AIBU to want to text his mum and follow through with the police if he does anything else?

Go visit the mom.
If he is there all the better.
Tell them both firmly he is to stay away.

Get DD away from social media change her mobile number.

Why should the daughter change her habits to make this boy behave better?

Inform social services too

To protect her right now. This is making her ill now and he is not stopping stalker behaviour quick enough.

Whilst at the same time report to police, parents and social services.

Why do people think going to his house or even inviting him into OPs house is safe?

Boys need to learn that when girls say no, it means no. Then when they are fully grown men, they will know that when a woman says no, it means no.

If he isn't reaching this important milestone, then he needs to be made to. He needs to take responsibility for his behaviour, and if that behaviour comes under harassing and stalking laws, then he needs to face up to that.

Report to police.

The reality is he is slipping into stalking behaviour and it isn't acceptable.

Your daughter is still a child and you are still her parent. That means sometimes doing things for their best interest that they don't agree with.

I'd contact his parents and the school. If he carries on after that police.

I think calling the police on this turd will help some woman in the future if it stays on his record.

Apologies if someone has already said this - I have read a lot of the posts and all the OP’s - but this could be a double-pronged lesson for this young man.

1. If you cheat, you will lose your girlfriend, no wheedling your way back in, time after time. A harsh but valuable lesson.
2. Not taking “no” for an answer is harassment and stalking in the eyes of the law.

It’s a valuable service that you and your daughter are providing for society as a whole. Good luck to you both. xx

And now I’m reminded of one of my favourite lines from Frasier, when Niles Crane says:

“Her lips said ‘no’ but her eyes said…

…‘read my lips’”.

The actions of your daughter and what you take could protect someone else daughter from a life of abuse in future.

Well done and follow through with police.

I think you should speak to his mum for your DD's sake and also his as he sounds unhinged and could do something stupid to himself.

How did you chat go with DD OP?

I think perhaps you need to talk to your daughter about why this needs to be taken seriously. He seems to be escalating rather than getting the message, it's got to the point where she is having a severe physical reaction at his persistent attempts to get her to re-engage with him. All too often, toxic youth relationships are not taken seriously enough, with tragic consequences.

I'd be wanting to get her onboard with talking to the police about his actions, perhaps with a view to a non-molestation order. I'd also be upping my security at home - a ring doorbell, extremely good locks, and nobody (including your daughter or you) allowing him entrance into your home under any pretext.

Me too.

Fuck shit I've put his name on my post. Will report now

I am so glad things are moving forward and hopefully all this behaviour from him should soon stop.

I also want to say you sound like a fantastic mother 💐

Well done OP, you've handled everything so well and your daughter is a credit it to you.
Don't worry about the name thing, it's not identifying in itself.
Enjoy your wine and film. You've truly deserved it 💐

Great work mum, your a great mum

You’re an incredible parent and I wish every young girl being harassed by a little dweeb could have a protector like you.

also your daughter sounds amazingly strong and I hope she feels no long term effects from this

Fabulous mum points 🏆
You’ve taught your DD so much that she could’ve learned a much harder way.

How did it go @BlueIndigoViolet ? I must have missed you post that got deleted.

It's lovely that you and your DD can talk these things through and she knows that she can rely on you when she needs you.

Also good that your DH saw how things could go so wrong...
I'm not sure if he was just pushing it aside as not wanting things to escalate, thinking it'll blow over as just a love sick teen or more that he just doesn't think/understand that people like your DD ex can turn so nasty...
I've asked out loud so many times when watching the news/hearing in RL "why would someone do that" as I really can't believe people can be that awful to another human being.

Hopefully now the EX's mum knows she can have a chat with her DS and set him on the path of what's overstepping the mark and that when told no it means exactly that.

Sorry @mnhq seem to have deleted the whole post rather than just deleting the boys name. I'll try and report once DD has gone to bed