To wish I hadn’t told food bank about my benefits

[AreweCf]

preparing to be slated so putting my hard hat on. DH had been running a business but devastatingly has had to stop due to mental health issues which he is getting counselling for. He has had to claim benefits (we are definitely claiming all we’re entitled to) but it’s still a huge drop in income. I’m a SAHM to my very high needs neurodivergent DC who are expensive in every way, before my DH became unemployed he had been footing the huge bill for their restricted diet, days out, groups, classes, toys, lessons, high heating costs, high everything costs, could go on, there are some things we have had to cut, but without these things there is a noticeable effect in my DC’s. Benefits won’t cover all of our rent either. We get our next benefit payment in 2 weeks, and our money won’t last us that long. Now, we thought we could use a food bank to help spread our money a bit further. All the food banks in the area are the same, and after honestly explaining my situation, they literally expect us to completely deplete our bank account balance down to pennies before they will help us. we’re not rolling in it, nor do we have have absolutely nothing in our accounts, but in our situation it’s not ok to be completely financially vulnerable. Are we CF’s for asking?

I’m more concerned that now that your husband/father of the dc is not working due to depression he’s not stepping up to be the sahp so that you can work instead. Presumably due to the depression? The thing is a lot of parents have depression, some of them are single, they still have to parent.
So Is he expecting to sit around doing nothing whilst you carry on as the sahm and therefore also aren’t able to work. I can’t get my head round it to be honest. I’m not going to berate you about exploring your options re the food bank but I do think the above set up is unreasonable, unrealistic and unsustainable.

Whilst you’re not CFers and I sympathise hugely, they have to prioritise people who literally have nothing. So sorry this is happening to you. Get to the supermarket tomorrow for yellow sticker bargains. Maybe if someone could have the kids, you and DH could go to different supermarkets?

Yes if op gets a big back payment for the DLA claim it can be disregarded for 12 months.

Our local food bank is for anyone who is struggling.
Don't think you need to give them all your life story/back details?
Crap that you had to if so.
I donate to food banks, don't get why people get so het up over anyone who isn't always destitute sometimes needing help too.

Food banks are for people who are financially vulnerable, not just those who couldn’t have their next meal without it. A way of determining this is to establish if a person is receiving or is eligible for certain benefits. But the approach is very rudimentary, I would guess that many people using food banks (who are in receipt of universal credit) can afford to buy their own food, but they use the food bank because it is there and it is available. Like a number of my own family members, they’re technically eligible for food bank support so their mindset is “why not?” Also, having volunteered at food banks, it’s the case that many of the donations are made by large companies for whom donating surplus food improves their image from a corporate responsibility point of view. So no I don’t think OP should be made to feel guilty for using a food bank.

Our food banks are depleted and to be honest when I had to attend one I literally had 9p in the bank. Also have neurodivergent children and the rent is no where near covered so I also have that to foot as a single parent. Dc father pays nothing as works cash in hand. Have you tried the bread and butter thing and looked at Facebook and Instagram pages regarding saving money as a food bank will not help. Also they only offer the basic foods of tinned goods, possibly some cereal, we get one roll of toilet paper and they also don’t offer any washing or hygiene items. It’s very scarce so to be honest you won’t get a great deal of help, it’s just for some it’s better then having nothing.

Where I live, there are many church run food banks where parcels are given to whoever comes, no questions asked. Is this not available everywhere?

To all the people suggesting her DP become a SAHD so she can work- would you say the same if he was unable to work due to a physical illness? Severe depression can be as crippling as a physical illness and need time for treatment and recovery before the individual is able to carry out day to day activities. Including looking after potentially high demand ND children.
To me this post sounds like a sudden change in family finances that wasn't planned & OP is now trying to see what support is available. She has stated they've cut back on things & have applied for everything they can at the moment. TBH I was shocked when I discovered how stringent food Banks needs to be but now understand this is due to demand far outstripping supply. Which is a shame.
OP - I suggest you look at some of the other services people have suggested and return to the foodbank if your finances deplete further.
I wish you and your family all the best.

You are getting a hard time on here OP, but I am sympathetic. It sounds very stressful 💐

Food banks are trying to cope with massive demand in the face of reduced donations from the public and less food from supermarkets. They are probably doing their best but they are volunteers and all of these food banks, community larders etc won’t make enough difference to you if you have something as fundamental as a monthly rent shortfall. Please get some advice from CAB, they should be able to advise on the DLA appeal, and have a look on your local council website for Household support fund, which if it’s available in your area will help for a little while until you have something else in place.

My local church run one had to start being a bit stricter as people were taking advantage of or becoming dependent on it.

It was stopping them being able to help those in severe need. They also instituted a break of a week every three weeks or something like that.

I bet her husband claims he can't cope with the kids so OP ends up doing most of it.

Also check out if you could benefit from these https://www.which.co.uk/reviews/broadband/article/all-you-need-to-know-about-broadband-social-tariffs-awnIU5c9XS7G social tariffs for broadband.

And check if you might be eligible for a
Grant - make sure to search under medical conditions and any previous professions for yourself and DH.

if your children have severe disabilities are they not eligible for disability benefit?

I know you said you’re claiming all the benefits you can but are you getting DLA for your DC’s? It’s non-means tested and can really help out with things like necessary activities and restricted diets etc.

Can you work OP and your DH be a SAHP?

That would surely help you be less dependent.

OP, sounds like a hard situation. From your second post I think you should be able to use a food bank. I haven't RTT, but have you tried the Olio app?

It also sounds like OP would be eligible to apply to the Family Fund. The grants can cover things like special equipment including specialist toys, days out and other expenses.

https://www.familyfund.org.uk/grants/

Would op not have to have DLA in place for her child?

Well yes I think so to a degree because illness is a part of life and if you have children you still have to look after them. I had to look after my children one with adhd with severe depression that I was under a psychiatric team for as a single parent. I also had to look after them after a c section and post op for other reasons on my own. I still had to parent, the alternative would have been them going into care as my mother (my only family) was not fit to care for them. Not holding myself up as angelic just as an example of one of many everyday scenarios where people do have to crack on with illness. Unless he’s an absolute danger to himself and or them then yes he still needs to parent.

How can anyone be expected to have pennies in the bank when they’ve got rent and bills to pay? Surely most people have direct debits coming out all month?

And yes, DLA is fairly easy to get compared to PIP so definitely apply for that. I’m not sure how it works with UC but tax credits give you quite a lot extra if you’re claiming DLA. No one told me and I lost thousands😩.

OP have you got a referral for a food bank? Try the community fridge/ community shop.

No, DLA isn’t essential for claiming grants from organisations such as Family Fund.

I know so many people who know how to milk the system, then when a family in need appears, there's no help for them.

I'm so sorry OP. Could citizens advice help you gain access to food banks or other help for your DCs costs?

Good luck, I hope you're DH feels stronger soon xxx

Sorry the food banks should be last resort for when you have no way of buying food. If you have less money than a weeks worth of shopping costs after your rent and bills then yes you should be eligible.

Although they will look at household savings. A sensible small cushion is fine; but not unused savings. The details are on the website.